Defensive parents - iPads

[Imbarb]

Why do other parents get get defensive whenever I say I don't give my 2 year old an iPad? 🧐

I shared a conversation with my friend who told me my toddler spoke so well for her age and I replied 'I have nothing to compare it to other than I guess she's not yet glued to an iPad'

Do you not see how smug and up yourself this sounds?

"They are "all absorbing " and addictive. There are not an ideal activity for anyone really, but particularly for young children."

I think everyone is well aware of the possibilities, but having a tablet doesn't automatically mean using it endlessly day in day out. It is perfectly possible to manage their use, just as you can manage the amount of TV or the amount of sweets a child has, for example.

It’s because you sound like you’re judging their parenting. If someone says how well your dc speaks you just say thanks, no need to mention iPads tbh.

Do you not see how smug and up yourself this sounds?

You’ll have to explain. She didn’t say anything mean about anyone else’s child or implied hers is better.

On the other hand, saying that you have bought your two year old an iPad for their birthday can be interpreted as smug about how much money you can spend on your child too.

Why is it ok for the friend to say that, but it is smug and judgmental to say that your toddler doesn't have one?

Why would you even mention lack of use of an iPad as a reason why your child has advanced speech? Why was that the go to response rather than simply accepting the comment as a compliment?

They are defensive because your comments are full of judgement.

You do sound smug.

I wouldn't have replied as they did, but I'd probably just stop seeing you tbh.

As a PP said, better responses would have been:

1. Thank you, yes she is very chatty.
2. Oh, lovely. And did they have a nice birthday?

@AnneLovesGilbert

Do you not see how smug and up yourself this sounds?

You’ll have to explain. She didn’t say anything mean about anyone else’s child or implied hers is better.

She did. She said the only comparison is that her child doesn't use an iPad. The implication is there. You would have to be blind not to see that.

Well then you're missing some social awareness if you don't understand the effect of your words.

A PP said that when your child was complimented on their speech, you could have just thanked them, not linked it to a parenting choice that presumably, you know they do differently.

I think it's unfair, especially after the past year, when lots of parents have resorted to screens when they might not have otherwise, so it's likely to be a sore spot. There's no need to mention it in a derogatory way.

I have nothing to compare it to other than I guess she's not yet glued to an iPad'
That is making a direct link between your dd's perceived advancement and your superior parenting decision not to give her time on an iPad.
If you do this silly disingenuous act with other parents that's what's getting up their noses, not the iPad use or lack of.

She hasn’t said the other woman’s child was glued to an iPad. So it’s not necessarily a direct comparison.

Yeah OP you are smug, those examples are not great, if i was your friend i wiuld feel like you were having a dig at me

@AnneLovesGilbert

She hasn’t said the other woman’s child was glued to an iPad. So it’s not necessarily a direct comparison.

So very literal 🙄

Everyone calling me smug etc is defensive. This is my point.

No they aren't' they just think you're smug. You think they're defensive because you don't want to think it's true.

I shared a conversation with my friend who told me my toddler spoke so well for her age and I replied 'I have nothing to compare it to other than I guess she's not yet glued to an iPad'

You can't get much more smug and judgmental than that!

@AnneLovesGilbert

She hasn’t said the other woman’s child was glued to an iPad. So it’s not necessarily a direct comparison.

I think you have missed the subtle as a brick part of the OP post.

Your friends are a little over sensitive. I suspect their reaction is because we have all come across parents who break their necks to proudly declare their child has never touched tech, seen inside a Macdonald's, or knows what sugar tastes like. Even though you were not smug, the fact that many people use the no I Pad thing as a humble brag means that you are being tarred with the same brush. Personally, we all make choices to suit our lifestyles and our own children, what those choices are would be no one else's business except for yours.

@Overdueanamechange

Your friends are a little over sensitive. I suspect their reaction is because we have all come across parents who break their necks to proudly declare their child has never touched tech, seen inside a Macdonald's, or knows what sugar tastes like. Even though you were not smug, the fact that many people use the no I Pad thing as a humble brag means that you are being tarred with the same brush. Personally, we all make choices to suit our lifestyles and our own children, what those choices are would be no one else's business except for yours.

What's the difference between op doing that and everybody else doing it?! 😂 If she's being tarred with the same brush it's because she's doing the same thing.

My kids never had an ipad when they were 2 but I never felt the need to mention it. One was extremely articulate at a young age and one had a speech delay. Not sure (lack of) screens had anything to do with it. You do sound as though you are a bit superior about it and that doesn't go down well with other parents. Maybe try and be a little more diplomatic as you are going to have many conversations like thois as your child gets older.

This.

I've no kids so I don't have any skin in the came but those comments smack of smugness. I can see why mothers struggling through what's a very difficult time at the minute are taking it as their parenting being judged.

*skin in the game

Definitely smug sounding. So a child who can string sentences together and has a good range of vocabulary is obviously a product of not watching TV or being allowed screen time? You sounds ultra smug OP and you're not superior to those who let their children have screen time. Some parents just do what they can to make it to the end of the day, a flippant and misguided comment such as those mentioned in your posts can absolutely be taken as smug.
And for the record, my daughter is allowed 1 hour of screen time a day split into 20 minute blocks whenever is necessary.. That doesn't make me a bad parent, that makes me a parent who has exhausted every other activity during lock down and just wants to make it through to the end of the day.. My daughter is ALSO thriving in her vocabulary and speech.

@Imbarb

Everyone calling me smug etc is defensive. This is my point.

I shared a conversation with my friend who told me my toddler spoke so well for her age and I replied 'I have nothing to compare it to other than I guess she's not yet glued to an iPad'

She responded 'what's that supposed to mean'

It meant nothing other than what it said.

Another conversation with a different person when my toddler turned 2, she said 'I got my son N iPad for his Birthday' I said, oh luckily she's not into iPads yet. She replied 'why's that lucky, so you think it's bad?'

Like apparently, wanting your kids to be present is bad because it offends other parents lol.

I've never been smug, what's there to be smug about? It really does trigger so many parents though quote clearly shown in these responses

First comment why even bring up iPads? Both comments sound judgemental, neither comment was necessary. I could have said the same for all of our kids at 2 and DDs speech was very very good for her age, but really no need for those comments. If you're not judging why make comments like that?

Should say DS speech was very good, posted while I was proofing. His brothers have both required speech therapy, no early iPad use, it's really just not relevant to what your friend said.

The talking thing definitely sounds smug. The birthday present an ill thought out comment.

There is a definite implication that your DD is good at talking because no Ipad, thus Ipads are bad for kids. The birthday one is less rude, but you are openly saying that you think it's lucky DD has no interest in an iPad, which suggests it would be unlucky/bad if she did like them.

No defensiveness here! My kids still don't use an iPad at 6 and 8 (because I can't afford tech) and didn't have access to any screens at all when toddlers (as I couldn't even afford a tv). None the less, I think the comments you picked out do make you sound smug.