Am I being cruel to my toddler?

[Ihatewinter321]

I have a 3 month old and a 19 month old. I try to get out for a walk every day as it is the only thing keeping me sane during this lockdown. I usually put them both in the double pushchair and walk for about an hour. My newborn sleeps and my 19 month old is usually happy as long as she has snacks.
Problem is, my 19 month old loves walking, am I being cruel by not letting her walk outside every day? I usually only let her walk twice a week outside as I struggle with both. I feel really guilty that she is just sitting down for an hour not doing anything.

You are not at all being cruel but why can't the toddler walk next to you instead of being in the pushchair, at least for some of the walk?

Put her on reigns attached to pram so she can walk along safely

In what way are you struggling if baby is in the buggy? Can you go somewhere enclosed so there isn't the risk of roads etc? I don't think it's the best to not let her run around outside.

I don’t think you’re being cruel but I think it would be better for her to walk if you could manage it.

How are you struggling if your newborn naps and your toddler enjoys it?

I think 'cruel' is a very loaded word. I do think though you are putting yourself ahead of the child, and you are holding your child back if they want to do more and you are stopping them.

I would find somewhere where I could let them walk, I don't understand why you can't have a rein so you know they can't dash off and just go at their speed.

I hear you. It's much harder to do a brisk walk and switch off a bit when you're also trying to supervise a toddler walking beside you. If these walks are keeping you sane then I'd continue as you are.

I don't think you are cruel, but it doesn't feel like the best routine. Couldn't you split it, so half an hour is you walking silently and half let your toddler walk, or park the buggy near some interesting rocks / logs etc and have a play with her for a bit?

It's not great for her to only have active time outdoors twice a week, can your partner ever take her out? Or can you try a sling? 2 of my newborns were much more settled when they were tucked in a sling with my coat done up outside (not outside their faces of course), and then it was easier to play and have fun with hands free.

Not cruel but I would walk with them both in the buggy and let the toddler out at the beginning or end. Get some reins.

Can you maybe let her walk for the first or last 30 mins.

I think if it's upsetting her not being able to walk outside, walk for as long as you need to get what you need out of it, then give her the chance to walk as well.

If you need a brisk walk and the toddler is happy then just get on with it. You could always add a bit at the end for the toddler to have a walk, or maybe a visit to a park for a runabout in the middle.

Not cruel at all. I have a two year old and an 11 month old. I totally understand it's a bit tricky out and about with them both. I would walk them both to an open green space if you can? Let your toddler get out and have a potter about. I do sometimes let my toddler walk alongside us on reins although she often decides that we are walking a different way. She's often easily bribed back in to the pushchair with a little snack though 😂 or if you just want an hours peace and quiet on your walk maybe let her have a walk about in the garden later on.

Get a wrist strap and have your toddler walk by the pram.

Go out twice a day. Once ‘for you’, where you strap the toddler in and walk at your own pace and distance. Then once for your toddler, where she can walk and you can plan a more appropriate route. If you have a sling then the baby can nap in there and you won’t have the faff of the pushchair to carry. I think it’s really important that you keep up your own walks where she’s strapped in - great for your physical and mental health.

I feel like it is the only time I can completely switch off... I know that sounds selfish, but at the moment my newborn is feeding every 2 hours 24 hours a day.
Near me there is only narrow pavements, so it is difficult for me to have a pushchair and the reins.
If I stop at the park to let her out my newborn will wake and cry meaning I will have to hold her and keep an eye on my toddler.

You’re not being cruel at all. I have a 19 month old and looking after her is hard enough during lockdown, I can’t imagine adding a baby into the mix.

Do what you need to do to get through. If your toddler is happy enough sat in the pushchair then stick with that if having her walking seems too much. She’s getting fresh air while she’s out, and I’m sure runs around plenty at home.

@Sandsnake that is a really good idea to do two walks a day. One with her in the double pushchair and one with her walking but the baby in a sling!!

Absolutely not cruel! You are taking both out for fresh air which is more than enough I have a 22 month old and a 10 month old so completely sympathise - brilliant you take them out you need to do whatever works for you

@Spillanelle thank you for your post. After reading some of the previous posts I felt really guilty and bad. It is such hard work, I look forward to the walk as it is the only time I don't have to juggle both of them.

I did this when I had two under two. I needed the momentum to keep the baby asleep. It’s fine, baby sleeps, toddlers looks around and you get some head space. Agree you can do another walk for the toddler later.

@lifestoooshort thank you. She doesn't cry when in the pushchair, it's just that she seems so happy when she is walking... ahh mum guilt is constantly there whatever I do 😭

Do an extra 15 mins and let her walk then? Get some reigns

Yep, yep walks a day. One whatever works best for you snd one to walk at her pace with baby in the sling. I would also buy some 'fun' back pack reins just so you don't have to worry. It's easy to be distracted with a newborn.

I don’t think it’s cruel but I do think toddlers this age have a real developmental need to practice walking so I would try to get out for a shorter 2nd walk each day if possible.

Sounds like you have your hands full! Good luck.

This is a ‘put your own oxygen mask on first’ scenario I think.

You need a brisk walk.
Your toddler is happy to sit in the buggy while you do it.

That’s great! Don’t worry.