Breast is best - no it’s not actually.

[bubblesforlife]

I’m a new mom, my baby was born last weekend.
I followed feeding guidelines, listened to professional advice, and decided to breast feed my baby.

A few days in, my baby has developed jaundice and low sodium. This is due to dehydration and no fluids.

I gave my Baby colostrum, by breast and syringe regularly.

I asked my visiting midwife if I should supplement feeding with formula until my milk came in, she said no I am doing the best by my baby. Not unless there is a clinical need.

Now we’re readmitted for 2 nights minimum and placed on as strict baby formula feeding plan.

2 other ladies in the ward also have dehydrated babies for the same reason as me. How does this happen all the time yet no one talks about it?

Breast is best? No. Starve your baby until your milk comes in, and then hope for the best that you’re on for the lucky ones it works for.

My milk came in on day 3, a normal timeline.!

The messaging is wrong to mothers. This is so very common according to hospital.

Breast is best..... eventually.... but feed your baby what it needs, if that’s a supplement of formula, so what.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I’m just so upset. No one told me I was starving my little newborn. I did my best, I tried so hard and sat there filling syringes of colostrum.

Something has to change here. The pressure placed on new mothers throughout pregnancy to breast feed is wrong.

I hope my baby recovers soon so we can go home and be a family.

Breast is best however breastfeeding doesn't always work out for mothers and babies and in that case, you do whatever is right for your child.

Breast is best is just a slogan that was used when breastmilk had been disparaged for decades as being not as good as formula. It's stuck around as something women use to beat themselves up.

Breastmilk has physiological advantages for mother and baby, and nutritional advantages for the baby over formula. But the advantages are often outweighed by mental or emotional distress for new mothers. Or practical difficulties.

There's no law against giving formula but having one breastfeed a day or so, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

FED is best. Period.

@FolkSongSweet and taking oral contraceptive also reduces risks of some cancers

@Crowsaregreat for SOME mother’s of course

Well said op. I don't believe that breast is best either. Similar happened with my eldest. The midwives were useless.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Yup, those who choose to EBF seem to be evangelic about it. Like they need to prove why they chose to do it in the face of formula (the easier option).

I think it’s more to do with being told that you’re disgusting for doing it / you’re only doing it for you / baby won’t get all they need from breast milk / can’t you go somewhere else to do that... so people go on the defensive with the health benefits. Very similar to the way some FF people feel the need to justify their feeding choice.

For what it’s worth I definitely find breastfeeding the easy option (I appreciate I seem to be in the minority) but for me it’s so much more convenient and never had any issues. But I literally don’t care how other people feed their kids as long as they’ve had the information and support they need to make a choice that’s right for them.

The whole BF vs FF is just another stick to beat new mums with and you get criticised no matter which you do!

I agree. Fed is best. I wish I could have breastfed my baby, but he had real difficulty latching and he was starving. The hospital told me all he needed was 10ml colostrum which clearly can’t have been the case. We ended up formula feeding after one month as I’d been pumping for him and it was too hard as his demand went up.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Yup, those who choose to EBF seem to be evangelic about it. Like they need to prove why they chose to do it in the face of formula (the easier option).

It is comments like this that make FF the most common choice, you are setting other women up for failure by telling them how hard it is. For what it's worth I gave BF a go, wasn't bothered either way but found it easy so continued. For two years, twice.

How is it easier to get out of bed, in the freezing cold, in the middle of the night, go downstairs, boil a kettle, fill bottle that you've spent ages washing a sterilising, measure formula, shake it, wait for it to cool to the right temp all while your baby screams? I'd have unclipped my bra, fed and been back to sleep before you even made the bottle. What if you're out for the day and running late, you run our of formula. You need to find a shop and buy ready made, but your baby doesn't really like it, or go home early. I would find a bench, feed and be done staying out as late as I choose. I could breastfeed while dozing, not missing out on much sleep. I could stay in a hotel without worrying about sterilising facilities. I saved a fortune in buying bottles, sterilisers, formula etc. It was challenging for the first week or two but actually was really easy and quick after that. I lost weight quickly, I had the benefits of BF as well as my babies. Not everyone has problems, sometimes it's easy!

"I read someone’s comment on one of these BF/FF bun fight threads a while back that said something along the lines of ‘I can be proud that I ran a marathon, it doesn’t make you inept /not good enough for not running a marathon.’

I cannot understand the bitter comments towards someone who battles through the challenges of BFing and comes out the otherside and is proud of it."

Couldn't agree more @FTEngineerM, celebrating your success is not something you do to highlight someone elses failure, it is you be proud of your own achievement.

@CeeceeBloomingdale - it’s good that bf worked for you but not all of us wanted to try and preferred formula. We found it easy (and easier now thanks to perfect prep machines) as DH, family and friends could also give a bottle. Everyone has different preferences so as long as everyone has a healthy baby and happy parents, everything is good.

@CeeceeBloomingdale. I agree, breastfeeding for me seemed to be so much easier and less of a faff all round once you get past the first few weeks. Not for everyone of course but just as it would be wrong to tell someone it's all plain sailing, it would be wrong to portray it as always being a hellish experience of being trapped bleeding and stressed under a screaming starving baby for months on end. Everyone should do what works for them, but I do think SOME people feel the need to go on about how horrendous it was so they cam feel less bad about stopping. When they really have no need to feel bad at all

Im not setting anyone up for failure. It was really difficult for me (and probably would have ended up with PND had I not stopped) and FF has been the easier option by far. Im standing by my opinion that its the easier option - but thats MY opinion. Or would you prefer I lie and say BF was super easy but I preferred FF 'because thats what the majority of people do'?

These threads all end up in the same circular argument and im annoyed at myself for posting on here. In reality BF works for some, not others. Some really want to BF (and hence are super passionate about it) and some just arent that bothered. Everyones trying to argue a side largely based on their own experience, which is why they drone on and on and on going over the same thing over and over again.

I agree - I get annoyed at myself for posting on these threads but don’t like comments which imply that you made a second rate choice for your baby if you decided to use formula and you aren’t giving your baby an excellent start in life.
Why are other people bothered how someone else fed their baby?

Fed and loved is best. Too much pressure on new mums who need to make the choice based on what is best for them and their baby. FACT.

Of course breast is best but that doesn’t mean it’s breast or bust. The main issue I think is lack of information.
When my eldest DD was born I thought she’d feed every 4 hours. I didn’t understand why she continued to cry. Luckily I was still in hospital and an elderly HCA working the night shift sat down and explained that many newborns who are breastfed just need to feed almost constantly. So I started doing that. For a couple of weeks she fed every 45 minutes to an hour day snd night. She also took half an hour each time. So I had about 30 minutes off before I was feeding again. This then moved to every 60-90min and stayed at every 90mins until she was 3mths. So for the first 3mths I barely stopped feeding at any point. I had no idea it would be like that. Really no idea. But I’m so glad that kind HCA was there to put me straight. Friends who FF were appalled that I was feeding all the time but it really is a very different set up. It utterly exhausted me and whilst I coped, I truly wish I’d known what BF was really about ie that in many, many cases, you must be prepared for you baby to be almost permanently attached to your breast. Some woman may have all this info and still for whatever reason it won’t work out. However, many more would be better prepared and not think the extreme level of feeding meant it was going badly.

A lot of posters are missing the point.

Yes,breastfeeding works for a lot of mothers. The issue is that when it doesn't, those mothers get ignored,egged on to keep at it, and any issues explained away. It's this stance that can be very harmful to babies and their mothers.

Acknowledging and accepting that no,it doesn't always work won't actually harm anyone.

At the end of the day what's worse? A baby being fed formula unnecessarily or a baby ending up in hospital poorly when it could've been easily prevented?

but we’ve become a society where formula feeding is now viewed as inadequate

I don’t think this is true. Less than 25% of babies are still breastfed at 6 weeks. U.K. rates are very low. If people viewed formula as inadequate it wouldn’t be the most common way to feed babies.

Part of the problem is that the conversation is very polarised. Any implication that a parent has not done the best for their child can close down conversation, and that is often how people feel when phrases like ‘breast is best’ are used.

A unicef report on breastfeeding in the U.K. states ‘It is time to stop laying the blame for the UK’s low breastfeeding rates in the laps of individual women and instead acknowledge that this is a public health imperative for which government, policy makers, communities and families all share responsibility.’ I think that’s absolutely right.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Im not setting anyone up for failure. It was really difficult for me (and probably would have ended up with PND had I not stopped) and FF has been the easier option by far. Im standing by my opinion that its the easier option - but thats MY opinion. Or would you prefer I lie and say BF was super easy but I preferred FF 'because thats what the majority of people do'?

These threads all end up in the same circular argument and im annoyed at myself for posting on here. In reality BF works for some, not others. Some really want to BF (and hence are super passionate about it) and some just arent that bothered. Everyones trying to argue a side largely based on their own experience, which is why they drone on and on and on going over the same thing over and over again.

It really wasn't clear it was YOUR opinion. You made a sweeping generalisation which you have now clarified. I'm not asking you to lie, I am asking you to be considerate to pregnant women and not tell them it's the hard option so they can made their own decision. Some people find it easy, some don't. Some don't try, some try too hard. Some even find the act of feeding easy but switch to FF as they want to shared the workload. Any of these choices are ok.

Not all BF are evangelical, but many are rightly proud of their achievement. It's a very personal decision and I'm sorry you had a bad experience but not everyone feels the same and therefore it isn't fair to dissuade others from trying to validate your own situation.

Nobody should be made to feel guilty. But it is true that some woman are willing to sacrifice or put up with more than others.
I say that as someone who was not one who was willing to put up with everything.

I had a friend who was determined to exclusively BF no matter what it did to her. She had hideous mastitis that made her fluey and delirious. Her nipples were cracked and bleeding and she was literally in agony with each feed and cried her way through it. She became very depressed and stopped coming to coffee. Her husband was distraught but she would not give formula. I would absolutely have given up if I was her. She spent about 3months in total agony. So now many years later when she’s a little smug/evangelical about it, I remember what she went through, shrug and think fair enough, maybe she deserves to think others didn’t try as hard as her as to be honest, I don’t think any of the rest of us in our baby group of 9 would have done. Plus I only did it for 6mths whereas she did 1yr.

So for me it’s a meh subject. I did it. It wasn’t easy but I had no real issues either after the first 2days so it’s not an issue that’s relevant or poignant for me either way. Others had issues or didn’t ever want to do it so they FF. I really had little headspace to worry about how others chose to feed. However, I can see when thinking about my friend how some women do see it as a badge of honour and something they worked very hard to achieve and also something others may have managed to achieve if they’d been willing to put up with months of being in agony and feeling shit. (Not me, I valued sleep and being pain free too much) So whilst she and others like her are entitled to feel smug, others like me can also just shrug and know that we did the best we could do. Nobody need feel guilty, we all know what we are able to cope with and as long as our babies are thriving then does it really matter?

That happened to me and my DD too OP. In the end we ended up with a combination of FF and BF. I felt so guilty that I had starved her AND that I couldn’t exclusively BF. She is the healthiest DC though and never ever poorly

I breastfed and my babies and they didn't become dehydrated. I think you are the exception not the rule, but agree mothers should be alerted to the possibility

Also thinking about it if lack of breastmilk was properly medically investigated rather than brushed off as "one of those things" maybe the risk of this would be more acknowledged. Is the NHS worried they will have to pay for formula prescriptions if insufficient breastmilk production was actually recognised as a medical condition?

I don't think posters are missing the point at all, surely the point is there needs to be help for both sides regardless how you feed?

Btw, it shouldn't be a shock that health professionals try and go down the angle of breastfeeding, at least initially.

Kind of like my baby was breech, they really encouraged me to try and have her turned, I said no, they said are you sure, I said yes, they said it would be best for you to try a natural birth, I still said no, had a c section. no judgement from that point, it was all fine.

health professionals are obviously going to encourage you to try what they think is best first. Having said that, if you don't want to or can't, then that should be it. Support should be given regardless.

[quote TaVeryMuchLove]@Cleverpolly3 - ill informed, incorrect shit?

Er ok. Don’t think you understood my post. That’s ok.[/quote]
I wasn’t referring to you spouting incorrect shit I was referring to the nonsense about fluids flushing jaundice out and all these millions of women who apparently had no breast milk.

🙄