Breast is best - no it’s not actually.

[bubblesforlife]

I’m a new mom, my baby was born last weekend.
I followed feeding guidelines, listened to professional advice, and decided to breast feed my baby.

A few days in, my baby has developed jaundice and low sodium. This is due to dehydration and no fluids.

I gave my Baby colostrum, by breast and syringe regularly.

I asked my visiting midwife if I should supplement feeding with formula until my milk came in, she said no I am doing the best by my baby. Not unless there is a clinical need.

Now we’re readmitted for 2 nights minimum and placed on as strict baby formula feeding plan.

2 other ladies in the ward also have dehydrated babies for the same reason as me. How does this happen all the time yet no one talks about it?

Breast is best? No. Starve your baby until your milk comes in, and then hope for the best that you’re on for the lucky ones it works for.

My milk came in on day 3, a normal timeline.!

The messaging is wrong to mothers. This is so very common according to hospital.

Breast is best..... eventually.... but feed your baby what it needs, if that’s a supplement of formula, so what.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I’m just so upset. No one told me I was starving my little newborn. I did my best, I tried so hard and sat there filling syringes of colostrum.

Something has to change here. The pressure placed on new mothers throughout pregnancy to breast feed is wrong.

I hope my baby recovers soon so we can go home and be a family.

@KatyClaire I was given some syringes to hand express as my little one wouldn’t latch straight away. Women lovely midwives helped me to express (if you’ve done it you’ll know it’s a three person job. One hand to squeeze the ducts and two hands to hold the syringe in place and hold it down.

At about 2.30 am my little one awoke crying so I rang the midwife to help me express (she had told me to ring if I needed help with it) Some jumped up healthcare worker who had been sitting behind the ward desk all night told me she was busy. Said if have to do it on my own and I should get used to it as I’d have to do it on my own at home. I then spent about 1.5 hours with a crying baby trying to express, but to no avail. At 7 am after bugger all sleep and an extremely unsettled baby (I can’t remember now how much he cried) one of the lovely midwives returned on the next shift and after seeing I was upset brought me a pump. I then was able too pump enough colostrum for my baby. I phoned my friend and was tearful down the phone explaining what had happened (had also had quite a traumatic birth) Another midwife came in and wrote on my notes- struggling to be feed, told to do skin to skin, put baby back in cot, tearful.

I was 😡, but of course said nothing in that vulnerable hormonal state after birth.

For my second birth, every single midwife and care assistant was beyond amazing and I had a completely difference experience the there. It only takes few midwives on a ward to change your experience.

I learned with my first to back up bf with a little cup or syringe feed of formula after bf until my milk came in. Had to insist with my second when she started getting distressed the second night as she was so hungry. It settled her and allowed us both to sleep a good few hours. With my third I was home and did the same again and always recommend it to my friends otherwise the second night can be hard work as colostrums run out and baby and then you get distressed. By third day my milk was always in.

Hope your baby is well soon.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through but it doesn't mean that the message as a whole is wrong. Breastmilk is the biological norm. It is a living tissue that changes according to the needs of the baby.

At a personal level, I have breastfed 3 babies and never needed to supplement. They didn't even lose the 10% of their body weight that is common after birth. The only people Ive known who had to supplement had issues such as tongue or lip ties, premature babies, inverted nipples, illness or bad advice.

I am not in any way anti formula, it's a fantastic solution for those who can't or don't want to breastfeed. And yes good mental health of the mother is vital. But it does not mean that breast feeding is not the gold standard. There are so many benefits to breastfeeding for both mum and baby and sad though it is, they don't stop existing just because people can't or won't do it. Formula feeding or supplementing doesn't make you any less of a mother. But I get so sick of hearing people say formula is just as good. It is an amazing option and it's so good we have it. But it's not equal to breastmilk.

I get a bit at the inevitable posts of people boasting about the heights and intelligence of their FF kids. It's a bit doth protest too much.

Informed is best and pretending formula is "virtually the same these days" isn't helpful either.

I get a bit  at the inevitable posts of people boasting about the heights and intelligence of their FF kids

Same about EBF kids tbh.

The stupidest thing is people who say you can’t tell which children were formula fed or breastfed by looking at them. No shit Sherlock. No one says breastfeeding makes you grow an extra arm. It’s a completely meaningless statement.

That happened to me, and offering hugs to you, everything will be fine, and you feed your baby exactly how you want and need to, YOU know best!

I agree that it is disgusting how little support, and actually the push back I received, when wanting to switch from breast to bottle as it was evident to me that I wasn't producing milk, was truly shocking. Fwiw, my milk didn't come in at all, ever, despite doing all the right things consistently.

If I had my time again, I would take formula to hospital in case I needed it, and I would know I do not require permission from health professionals to swap over.

Like you, my baby was readmitted, but to children's ward, where he was given loads of formula milk, and he thrived.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I get a bit  at the inevitable posts of people boasting about the heights and intelligence of their FF kids

Same about EBF kids tbh.

I've not seen the same thing with breastfeeding, most people who breastfeed don't seem to feel the same need to justify it.

Has breastfeeding even been suggested to cause an increase in height? Isn't height mostly genetic anyway?

OP - sorry you’ve had a rough time and congratulations on your new baby.

I used formula from day one - a choice and no idea whether breast feeding would have worked.

Formula gives babies an excellent start in life so please don’t worry as to the outcome of whatever method of feeding you decide on.

Yup, those who choose to EBF seem to be evangelic about it. Like they need to prove why they chose to do it in the face of formula (the easier option).

The benefits of breastfeeding for both mother and baby are amazing. Formula is an absolutely amazing alternative, of course. No one should feel bad for how the feed their baby, but if it's at all possible then trying to breastfeed has loads of benefits:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding/benefits/

"Cognitive development is improved by breastfeeding, and infants who are breastfed and mothers who breastfeed have lower rates of obesity. Other chronic diseases that are reduced by breastfeeding include diabetes (both type 1 and type 2), obesity, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, hyperlipidemia, and some types of cancer."
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26792873/

@Letsallscreamatthesistene the question of which is easier is subjective, obviously. Personally I find people always love to justify their own choices, whatever those choices are. Quite ridiculous to claim it’s only people who breastfeed who are evangelical about their decisions.

Okay so title was a bit goady- but op was pissed off about her experiences with b feeding and support etc.

No need for it to descend into another fight between formula feeders and b feeders 🙄

I’m tesponse to poster who said no shit Sherlock you can’t see the diff between those who are b fed and those who are f fed. I think people say this to reassure people that in the long run it really doesn’t matter. They say it’s good for cog development but studies have shown no significant difference in terms of IQ.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Yup, those who choose to EBF seem to be evangelic about it. Like they need to prove why they chose to do it in the face of formula (the easier option).

It is though, in my experience.. I’ve started pumping and using a bottle. I barely feed DC at the breast anymore and I can’t believe how much my life has improved (less night wakings, less feedings throughout the day, DP has been having a go).

That doesn’t mean I think everyone’s experience is the same but I am certainly allowed to feel proud or as you describe it evangelical about how tough I found breastfeeding yet managed to sustain it for so long, nearly 8m and pregnant with DC2 still feeding him myself.

I read someone’s comment on one of these BF/FF bun fight threads a while back that said something along the lines of ‘I can be proud that I ran a marathon, it doesn’t make you inept /not good enough for not running a marathon.’

I cannot understand the bitter comments towards someone who battles through the challenges of BFing and comes out the otherside and is proud of it.

I brought my 4lb 13oz born baby home weighing 4lbs 3oz and was told to just keep trying, she then lost a bit more then maintained for weeks; we eventually took it upon ourselves to supplement with formula.. and she started gaining, was happier and her jaundice cleared very quickly after we started formula.

Breastfeeding is fantastic and I am so pro-breastfeeding.. maybe that was half of my issue is I liked being told to keep going because I wanted to but knew it wasn’t working deep down and needed to make the switch for DD health.

But breast isn’t best in a lot of cases.
I understand that there are so many perks and advantages to breastfeeding; but we’ve become a society where formula feeding is now viewed as inadequate and mother feel ashamed to go down that route. It’s unfair and puts a huge strain on new mums and it heightens the risk of post natal depression.

We need to normalise feeding our babies so that they thrive from day one, whether that breast or formula.

Infants who are b fed have lower rates of obesity- tell that to my baby who was 11 kg at 10 months. 🤣

Breast is still best for majority of babies but formula isn't akin to poison and can be a lifesaver.
I exclusively Breastfed my twins for 18 months (alongside solids from 6 months) they were born at 33 weeks but I had good support and encouragement from SCBU and my Healthvisitor.

That was me @Fatas. Regardless of the motivations for saying something, if it makes no sense then I don’t see how it makes anyone feel better. It’s just asinine.

Breastfeeding lowers risks of the mother getting breast and ovarian cancer, for example. If I got ovarian cancer then you probably couldn’t tell to look at me but it would make a pretty huge difference to my life and my children’s lives.

@TerrifiedOfTrying4No2
I’d say it was the other way around given the percentage of mothers formula feeding!

I think it’s just mumsnet where people feel ashamed.

To be fair I've had real life people tell me their reasons for FF without any sort of prompting. Just because its what the majority do it doesn't make individuals in that majority immune from being shamed.

Breast is best - when you can produce enough milk. Not everyone’s body can do this. There’s no reason to continue to try breastfeeding if it is not working out for you and your baby and this is where the issue is. You were not given advice correct for you and your baby.

I had my children a long while ago, but back then we were visited by midwife who weighed our babies and looked them over, in our home during first week home. Any issues, formula was advised.

In fact, even When my first was born, cooled boiled water in a bottle was also advised to breastfed as well as bottle fed babies. These bottles of water were given to the babies in hospital too. We are talking very small amounts so as not to interfere with nourishment but was clear it was for hydration. Not sure when that train of thought stopped as I had 10 years between first and second. Then I had benefit of the NCT breast feeding counsellor during our classes.

I’m sorry you had this experience. It’s more about the advice you received snd their not checking your baby adequately because breast is best but only when it can actually be done.

I wish your baby speedy recovery and yourself too. Giving birth is so hard on our bodies and psyche.

@Fatas could be true there actually 😂 MN is bitter sweet.

My view is most women know or should know the advantages of breastfeeding; it’s well known that it’s the gold standard. But when it comes to making the decision because it’s stressful, hard or not working, women shouldn’t have to be reminded ‘breast is best’ ‘try harder’ ‘try longer’ ‘give it more time’ and everything else that makes them feel guilty for thinking about switching or supplementing. - we already know we’re essentially dropping a standard and we feel bad about it; but if it’s what’s best for our mental health and our children health then god knows I’m making that switch and anyone to tells me to ‘bare with it, it’s not easy’ will be swiftly told to bugger off the next time around.

@SaltyTootsieToes I agree.

If breast was best for me- my DD wouldn’t be with us today.

@Fatas - totally agree although Mn wasn’t around when I had my DC’s. No one other than you was interested in how you fed your babies. Is your baby healthy - yes - end of discussion.

Probably wouldn’t have affected me as I’d decided to use formula from day one and was pleased with my decision. Support needs to be given for both ff and bf.

@ktp100

Same happened to me. My milk never really came in enough, by day 3 the kid was starving so I kicked off and demanded we switch to formula (we were in for a week due to my low blood pressure but lo & behold by day 4 DS was jaundice so had to stay anyway).

I wasn't treated very nicely for deciding to do it at all. Even the doctors were umming and aaahhing, even though my son was pretty small and losing weight daily, and dehydrated,, they were like 'Well, yes, I suppose he should have formula really, but have you tried him on the breast at all?' YES!! FOR FUCKING DAYS!!!!!

Honestly, it was ridiculous. What with that & feckin' Bounty bitches I did my fair share of grumbling that week.

@ktp100 you sound delightful describing your newborn as "the kid", 'kicking off and "Bounty bitches" bet staff were glad to see the back off you!