Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

In a nice way, get a grip, I think you're being irrationally paranoid.

Not nice & totally uncalled for 😡

OP I agree 100% with the posters who have said carry on and do what's best for you 💐

I should imagine a buggy is probably going to be a bit of a squeeze for her fairly soon. I haven't been in your exact position but I didn't learn to drive until I had dc 3. Ds 1 and 2 had to suck it up after 2 and a half. I personally always felt very anti buggy after age 3, but, as I said, I've never been in your exact position. If I were you, I would throw the buggy in the bin and look at scooters and bikes with parent poles because I couldn't cope with the judgment from others or myself

Don’t worry about what others think, do what you need to do.

Try a scooter (micro scooter)? I would try and do away with the buggy if you can. My dd refused to walk too, she has Aspergers and used to be afraid or cracks in the pavements and drains so would take her so long to walk a few ft. She started refusing to walk at all and it turned out she has hypermobility, hypertonia and dyspraxia. She’s now 16 and still moans about walking anywhere.

If you have a reasonable bike and she has one and can just about pedal I'd highly recommend a Follow Me tandem. Here's ours with my 6yo bike hooked up.
I had her in a back seat till 4 but she's a skinny Minnie and I was dying but this is fun for both of us.

I had a child like this, the moaning was unbearable. When DC2 came along and we got a buggy board I thought it was the answer to my problems, but actually now she just moans that she is tired from standing up! However at least with the buggy board you aren’t at the mercy of them dragging their feet etc, so it’s easier to just let them moan because at least you are still moving! Sympathies though OP, I’m still envious of families who are able to get from A to B on foot without a battle.

I don't have a car either and I rely on my push chair to or go out for the reasons you say. So I completely feel yoh and jonjudgment whatsoever. Some people have started to judge me now child is nearly 4 , but like literally ha ha you try a day in my life let's see how you get on ha ha. Keep doing your thing xxxx

Several things spring to mind.

1. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says, just what works for you.
2. Had anyone actually said anything to you or are you assuming?
3. How far is " too far"?
4. If the paths/roads are that dangerous this must be affecting other people. Worth lobbying local MP/councillor about safety issues... particularly if this impacts child safety.
5. Is learning to drive and getting a car out of the question?
6. You surely could get shipping delivered

I would still use the buggy. I took a buggy when I took my 4yo and 9yo to Disneyland as a single (working as teacher, not on benefits) mum. That place has miles to cover and 4yo wouldnt have been able to do it otherwise.

I’d do it anyway. Who cares what people think, do what you need to!

I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home

Do what you need to OP. Did DD walk to the city and round the shops before she gave up? I think sometimes people who judge others for this sort of thing forget is that it isn’t just a one way trip.

https://www.micro-scooters.co.uk/micro-trike-xl-black.html?gclid=Cj0KCQiAnb79BRDgARIsAOVbhRqvi-ddJ86XLl49Z7WaJ5pJ3gAWH1Gu0np5aftoAVxxTByVWS0KzwaAgHpEALww_wcB

And in the meantime what the hell is she supposed to do for shopping - starve?
I use a trolley or a rucksack. It's really not difficult.

Children aren't magically going to love walking just because they've reached a certain age.

@lockdownbreakdown

We live in a rural small town. We ditched the buggy at 2.5 and got my child walking the 30 mins into town and back from that age. He moaned to begin with and wanted to be carried but he soon got used to it and can now walk for hours without bring carried, even up mountains and he is 4. He will now scoot to town and back. It's just about bring firm and ignoring the whining.

Mine ignored the whining.

Turned out I had EDS and Psoriatic Arthritis. So I was whining with good reason.

Everybody I know who has been diagnosed with a joint, connective tissue or autoimmune disease that started from birth/childhood has similar stories of how they were told that they were whining when it hurt to walk long distances.

If you child can’t walk long distance then use the buggy for some of the way. So she can get her excise but sit when exhausted. Not all children are as fit or able to handle long distance walking as other children.

Ds1 by the age of two could walk 2 miles no problem. Ds2 it was hard and I required a lot of patience with 0.5 mile walk to ds1 nursery. So I used the buggy with him a lot longer.

As a teen I used to take dbro in his buggy at similar age as your dc. We didn’t have car and I came from a large family. I liked the buggy because it can carry lot of heavy shopping with ease. I didn’t like taking an empty buggy, so I used to take dbro with me. The shops were close to our house.

As pps have said, people who would 'never use a buggy for a 4-year-old' probably drive to town. They don't realise they are not comparing like with like.
What makes you think that? Maybe they don't have a car so the children are used to walking. I only took the buggy for the weekly shop because otherwise I was pushing an empty buggy while holding the hand of a one year old who wanted to walk!

Buggy’s are designed to push a child and stow shopping. All these other solutions sound fine but in reality who wants to supervise a young child scooting off here there and everywhere whilst carrying shopping Bless you, no doubt you’d be carrying the shopping and the scooter and the child!

My best advice is to ignore the Mumsnet and ignore buggy shamers. If you had posted “we live on an isolated estate and drive to the supermarket once a week. My child walks and cycles other times but for food shopping we drive, is this okay?” I seriously doubt anyone would have passed a word. Well there is no objective reason why strapping your child into a car seat and strapping then into a buggy is any different. Don’t make life really tough for yourself because of an illogical idea that buggies past 2.5yrs are somehow evil. It’s frankly a privileged position.

I use a pushchair for my 4 year old so I can walk FAST! Better than driving everywhere. I do not care if people think it’s bad- it’s better than a whinging knackered child after nursery.

Who gives a shiy what other people think?

You're seriously going to restrict your life for fear of randoms judging you?

Fuck that. Do what suits you.

Are you buggy shaming yourself? It's easy to get into that sort of thing when you become a parent.

If someone is actually saying these things to you then tell them to piss off. It has no bearing on them whatsoever.

FWIW if I saw a child in a buggy that looked about 4 I really wouldn't think much of it. I certainly wouldn't be judging the parent. I'd probably be too wrapped up in myself.

For my ds I got him a micro scooter for up to age 12. When walking I raised the handles to a comfortable height to me to hold onto with one hand and I pulled him along it was very easy and I think I could hang a shopping bag on it. If he wanted to scoot himself I would lower the handles right down. But he always needed pulled along when walking anywhere. He is autistic and can walk far without a problem now at age 11.

Such a shame there's no decent roads/routes for a bike as a bike with pannier bags and a child seat would have been a good idea. I recently bought a cheap second hand mountain bike and an Oxford Explorer front seat for my 4 year old to sit on, which is good for distances.

Mine is a couple of months younger than yours and also hates walking. Neither her or my 2 year old like scooters either, I'm always surprised how many people say kids love scooters.

I'm not suggesting you do this, and this is no way a solution for you sorry, but lobbying councils about better cycling routes is maybe something a few of you on the estate could do for future residents.

My first thought is how safe is the walk? (Roads ect) and how much time do you have?
I agree with one of the other posters, it's all about practice! Maybe you can start with encouraging her to walk to the shops and take a taxi home? But I would only do that if its safe to do so in case you encounter some tantrums/ stropps.
I think at 4.5 years she should be walking...

and no my DC didn't climb Mount Everest at 3.5 years (too expensive!) but they did climb some Tor on Dartmoor at age 4. Far more exciting than a shopping trip!

I think buildin gup to longer walks is the way to go.When you say slightly out of town....how slightly?

We lived in sounds like a similar location when DC1 was small. He was great on the Scooter and scooted everywhere - it was much quicker than walking and he was keen. Might be worth trying, but I do get that it might not work for everyone (DC2 doesn’t like scooting at all!).

Alternatively, just ignore judgement and go with the buggy. There’s a mum picks up a child from Reception with the buggy at DCs school. They live a fair distance award and the child it tired - can’t see the problem with that.