Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

How far is too far?

A scooter definitely sounds like the way forward here. Loads of the kids on my estate have them.

I would be surprised if a 4.5 year old would fit into a buggy but then I had a tall 4 year old. Definitely try a scooter.

DD is 4.5 and DS is almost 3. DD struggles to walk for longer than 10 minutes, DS will happily walk for over an hour.
I still take a pushchair the majority of the time because it’s easier, stops me having to listen to DD complaining and I can use it to hang the shopping on.
Only one person has ever made a comment to me and it was a woman who lives on the same street as me, children the same age as mine and she drove to school but had the cheek to tell me my children shouldn’t use a pushchair for the same school run. If my children are lazy for using a pushchair sometimes then doesn’t that make the children who use a car just as lazy too?
Personally I don’t care what other people think, my children, my choice. End of

I don't drive either. I used the pushchair way later than people seem to on here - we stopped at 4. I doubted myself sometimes but quite happy actually with how we did it
And was/is still small for her age
Even when I took the pushchair we'd walk miles (and she'd get in and out) so even with the pushchair she was walking lots
I am confused how a 4.5 year old needs a pushchair. My child walks miles. Simply because we don't drive. What choice does we have.
When she's saying she can't do it and she's tried I said yes you can. Or ignored the whining.

How far are you talking? A school age child should be able to walk a couple of km without too much effort so at this point it’s your child preference rather than a genuine inability.

You’re going to have to drop the buggy relatively soon anyway because they’ll become too big - A scooter would probably help.

A bike with panniers for you with a "tag along" bike seat for her? A tag along has a bike seat, one wheel, and attaches to your seat post. Easier to balance than a normal kids seat and easier to pull than a trailer. It can be an expensive option, though, and a lot of UK roads are scary to ride on with kids.

Anyone who comments negatively is a massive dick. Often it's the heavy car traffic which make some walks into town unsafe for a family on foot/young child on a bike or scooter right next to a busy road with cars flying past. And yet some of those judging a parent walking with their kid in a buggy see no issue strapping their kid in the back seat of a polluting vehicle for a one or two mile run down the road! Your child is "old enough to walk" but their child gets chauffeured all over town.

I would get a three wheel scooter for your daughter and a shopping trolley . Sorry if it's been said before haven't read all the replies

I was just going to suggest a bike.
We have one with a trailer and a seat for a 3 year old.

But I do live in a country with great cycling infrastructure, not sure what it is like where you live.

It sounds like a scooter with strap as others have said and shopping trolley that you pull along might help both of you? Plus a reward chart to encourage her? What about something like this - Christmas present perhaps?

https://www.johnlewis.com/mini-micro-3-in-1-deluxe-push-along-scooter-1-5-years/blue/p4281143?sshare=ww_ios

I use a buggy for my 4 yo for the school run, it’s a tandem double so he sits in the bottom of it . I’m sure people judge but I let them crack on. It works for me and my son as he gets very tired doing a full day at school

How far are you asking her to walk, how does she get to school or nursery? I would think pushing a four year old would be heavy going but understand it’s easier than carrying her. Is she overweight is this why you mention you are concerned about being seen using a buggy?

Have you thought about a preschool Integra, Connecta or Wompat? All soft carriers that fold down small enough to fit in a medium sized bag, then you can pop her in it if she needs.

I think a good rule of thumb is that a kid can walk a mile for every year they are old. A two year old regularly walking 4 miles is unusual but obviously kids get used to what they get used to.

The granny trolley with a seat added sounds a great idea.

I'm also wondering how far it is? A 4.5 yr old child should be able to walk a fair distance, so unless there is something else going on here, it's their choice / preference not to walk, not that they can't.

Scooter / bike would be better than you flogging yourself to death pushing a heavy 4yr old around in a buggy who doesn't actually need it.

Honestly, whenever I see an older child in a pushchair, I just assume that they've had to walk a long distance and it was too far for the child to manage.
Be aware of other children possibly being mean, I remember my oldest pointing and shouting "look at that boy in a baby pram" while laughing at the poor boy. Obviously I told my child off but the child in the pushchair looked very embarrassed.

I am pregnant and don't have a baby yet, so have not experienced buggy shaming, but as far as I can see you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are using your buggy where other people would use a car as basically a massive polluting buggy. We do drive (we live in a village and it would be very hard if we didn't) but I hope to walk as much as possible. Obviously your little girl should walk when she can, but having the buggy with you for when she is tired on long walks that most people judging would not regularly take with a small child seems sensible to me. The little scooters you can get also look good to me, but I am not sure how safe they are to use next to roads (as I said I don't have a baby yet I am just very sad about the idea that this may be isolating you).

@Fluandseptember

Oh this sort of situation is so awful - I totally feel for you. You and your child ought to be able to cycle these distances happily - charting, riding side by side, safe from cars. Just think how that would transform your life! But I bet the roads are way too scary for that to seem possible. Would you ride a bike yourself? If so, how about a child seat on the back? Just a basic rack seat not a big one. I found that amazing for short journeys till mine were a lot older than yours. Or scooter for child and shopping trolley for you?

Thanks - and you've actually touched on a issues not raised in my original post. Our new estate is somewhat plonked on old farmland without consideration for walkers and cyclists. I have to negotiate narrow and uneven pavaments with lorries and tractors roaring past at 40mph!

Crikey all three of mine were in a buggy until at least four. Thankfully people were not so judgmental 20 years ago !! They are all fully mobile athletic adults without any long term disabilities. Just do what suits you ...and no they were not fat or lazy . It was a safe and efficient way of getting from A to B without any fuss .

@Halloweenrainbow
Tbh, I'd be focussing on getting your lo able to ride longer distances. As a comparator, my lo has regularly (with stabilisers) managed to cycle up to 10 miles in a day from about 3.5,so building up the resilience would probably be the best way to go.
Failing that, assuming you cannot drive/afford the related expenses, maybe look into an adult tricycle. Something like the photos, they often come up on secondhand sites.

Plus this sort that's popular in European countries.

Could you afford an adult tricycle with a bench on the back? That's what I 'drive'. I've had mine for years and it's all I ever use. I have a storage area underneath the kids' bench and a large basket at the front of the bike. I get my groceries delivered when I do a big shop, but for bits and bobs- a mini shop- I have enough storage plus an have a sturdy backpack that I wear.

Just do what you need to do. My DD is nearly 3 and I've come across a few parents going on about how they could get rid of the buggy etc - but they drive everywhere! There are some ideas on this thread for ways you could work towards getting rid of the buggy, but don't worry about using it for now. After all, getting the bus or driving iving wouldn't provide any extra exercise anyway, would it?

Are you absolutely sure there is no bus route into the town? Maybe there’s a bus stop nearby but you just have to walk to it? It seems unusual for a new estate to be built with no public transport into the nearby town.

Maybe also look for supermarkets with free delivery (Iceland does it if you spend over £35) and at least then you can focus on building up her stamina for walking without being encumbered with shopping.