Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

You can buy them second-hand on ebay, which is what I did.

Sorry, my last post was in reference to an adult tricycle with child's seat/bench. You can get a used one on ebay, as I was saying.

Grow a thicker skin. Most people wouldnt even give you a second thought, and if they did, thats their problem. None of their business. This wont be forever.
Any chance of you moving somewhere more accessible though if you have no transport?

Don't worry .
Mine had buggies until 4.5. It meant I didn't need to get the car out and we all got some exercise en route. Can you build up to more walking and let her sit in the buggy to the supermarket then she has to hop out and walk back so the shopping can go in?

It also depends how sensible she is. My youngest can be quite dangerous so scooters were an awful idea.

Just ignore!

I had one dd who wanted to walk everywhere from about 15 months, and the other who still wanted the buggy at 3 and beyond.

Quite apart from anything else, even when they’re willing to walk, small children dawdle so much, wanting to stop and look at/pick things up etc., all very well except when you’re in a hurry, which is probably often.

I used to use a carrier on my back for DS ages 3/4 going to pre school as it was a long walk and we were on time constraints! People had lots of “helpful” comments and judgements on that! I used to carry him a lot - and from about the age of 1 people would tell me stupid things like “he’ll never walk if you carry him everywhere!” Like their 1 year olds weren’t in a buggy all the time..!

You do what you gotta do. Other people can be twats.

Get your food delivered. Then no worrying about food shopping.

Make sure your child has decent shoes. Ankle boot that has decent ankle support, yes even in summer if you are walking distance. High-top trainers, Dr Martens style, kickers or walking boot are all ideal.

Then build up slowly. A 4 year old shouldn't need a pushchair unless there special needs.

How far is it? I was in a similar position years ago and was lucky my daughter was able to walk quite some distances. I'd say 2 miles in a go is acceptable at that age (although done slowly).
We were routinely walking a mile each day so she "had some training" but I appreciate not everyone will have the time to do that - and again we were lucky it fit into our routine!
Scooters are a good option but if the roads you are walking alongside are busy it can be a bit ofa worry incase they career off the pavement.
If she's tiring out quick, even on a bike I would (seriously) take her to a GP just in case - I'd say that's unusual.
However life with out a car is just awful in places that are designed for it. I will never go back to dragging around waiting for buses and walking alongside dual carriageways with bags of shopping while trying to stop my toddler running about too much. Much sympathy and it is hard, why not make it easier for yourself?

I would just use a buggy. She can walk when she wants to and sit in when she’s tired. It’s no-one’s business why she’s in a buggy. It’s not just getting to town either - it’s getting round and doing everything you need to do.
It all adds up for small legs, especially if it’s a ‘boring’ shopping trip! Walking back from town with heavy bags and a child who is miserable is miserable for you!

The scooter idea is all well and good but how do you manage shopping bags and a child whizzing faster than you on a scooter by a busy road? I’d keep scootering for somewhere safe. Definitely would not cycle on road with a child.

I wouldn’t think twice about any child in a buggy. I think the opinion of anyone who judges should not matter to you, because they have no business judging you in the first place. Do what you need to do for your circumstances- don’t feel you should justify or explain your choices to others. She’ll be ready to walk the distance in her own time.

...posts and news articles all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative?

Don't read posts and news articles. And you can start today.

Just carry on with what you're doing. It's nobody else's business.

DS has just turned 4 and we still use the pushchair for nursery runs and shopping. He walks great, he'll come out on long hikes with us, but sometimes you just need to get somewhere or carry lots of things.

I was really stressed about using a buggy late with older DD but this time I've decided - fuck 'em. I know that DS is active all day long. I also know that many parents will drive the journeys we're doing with a pushchair. I'm comfortable with it.

What about a scooter or something? I wouldn't just anyone at all for that, but I would be worried about other children taking the mick.

@Moondust001 The child is four and a half, I wouldn't call that a toddler! Yes, that was an odd post!

I agree with stabilisers making cycling hard work. Is she small for her age? Have you tried a balance bike?

How far actually is it?

Seriously, you just need to do whatever works for you and sod what anyone else thinks or does themselves.
I used to use one of those cheap umbrella pushchairs for my 4/5 year old when we had to walk 10 mins uphill to his brother’s primary school and then another 15 mins onto his pre-school. It saved a whole heap of time, stress and effort and I couldn’t have cared less what anybody thought about that. I’m not going to struggle to get my 4 year old to walk for a solid 25 minutes mostly uphill while I’m trying to get other DC to school on time just because some person I don’t know or don’t care about decides in their head that I’m lazy or should make him walk or whatever else they wish to think or mumble. I hope you are able to adopt the same kind of mentality and make your life easier where it helps.

No one has "buggy shamed" you in real life Just use the buggy. Your anxiety over what you imagine people think is stopping you going out. That's far worse for your and your daughter's well being.

In a nice way, get a grip, I think you're being irrationally paranoid.

I agree with the mile per year of age, it was just under a mile into town when DS was one. That is at a child's pace though, he was half walking, half in the sling if I didn't have all day, buggy for the weekly shop until he was on the balance bike.

Crack on with the buggy and don't worry about what other people think. They don't have to carry all the shopping and deal with a small child at the same time.
Your description of the road you have to walk down sounds like cycling and scooters might be a bit dangerous. Other than moving house there's not many alternatives!

Why don't you answer the question 'how far is it?', you say it is 'slightly' outside of town .... that could mean anything .

I should think for your sake pushing a buggy with a four year old in it and carrying shopping is not doing your back much good.

Surely if she is 4.5 years old now she is st school? If she was born in September she would not be 4.5 so wouldn't she be embarrassed if her classmates saw her?

You need to find the combination of making life easier now without making it harder in the future. With my dd1 I had the rule that she could use the buggyboard on the way home (or if we were in a real rush!), but she had to walk on the way there. The idea being that I train her to walk longer distances whilst not ever actually ending up stuck (as you did).

With dd2 I ditched the pushchair at some point (definitely not as early as dd1), but often did longer distances by bike. And if we were walking i had the ergo carrier around my waist, with the same rules as before (only on the way home/of we're in a rush).

But you have to do what's right for you. As pps have said, people who would 'never use a buggy for a 4-year-old' probably drive to town. They don't realise they are not comparing like with like.

OP - you say your DD is 4.5 years old - is she at school?

Are you working? Could you go out in your lunch hour and pick up a couple of bags of shopping 2-3 times a week?

If you’re not working, do the shopping while she’s at school.

Quite apart from anything else, even when they’re willing to walk, small children dawdle so much, wanting to stop and look at/pick things up etc., all very well except when you’re in a hurry, which is probably often.

This completely sums up my life 😂