Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

It really depends on the distance. If you live 5 miles away fair dos.

New estates are rubbish for accessibility if you're not a driver so I definitely sympathise there - this is primarily why we live in the city centre and sacrificed decent garden space to do so.

With the walking though I think it's just practice - my DD has definitely built up her stamina because I basically gave her no choice and from March to August when school was off we'd walk for miles through the city each day. Now if she doesn't get enough exercise in she won't sleep! We have always made walks fun, things to spot, games to play etc.

However I totally wouldn't judge you for using the pushchair while she's getting used to it plus it would be handy for you with the shopping! I missed the days when I could no longer pile it all in! How long actually is the walk?

@slipperywhensparticus

What I've seen is a push along granny trolly with a piece of wood on the top child walks a little child sits a little and build up from there

That’s a great idea IMO!

Take the pushchair anyway but ask your toddler to walk.. then its there if you really need it and also there to put your shopping in too

For everyone saying the distance matters, it only matters if you want to join the buggy shamers. Otherwise trust OP to know her child's ability.

A scooter would just be an extra thing for me to end up carrying, as DS wouldn't stay on it for probably more than 5 minutes. And then I'd be carting it round the shops and would be dragging it home as well as bags of shopping.
Practice the walking with the buggy at first, there's always the option of using it if DC does get too tired until used to it.
Regardless, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Maybe a wagon?
We sometimes stop on a bench for a drink & snack when walking a long way. A little rest stop makes a difference!!

OP would you feel safe with your DD on a scooter, or would you worry she'd veer off the pavement and end up under a lorry?

I agree with @Whenwillow. I can remember taking my daughters bike to collect her on her first day of school she had turned four in the August and she couldn't manage
the walk home after that I took the buggy for a while otherwise I would be carrying her.
She is now a very good footballer and one of the few teenage girls in her year who loved PE so this won't set a stance for the rest of your daughters life.
I wish I had known about those pull along carts as she would have loved that.

My daughter is 4,I don't drive and I still use the buggy when shopping.
If she wants to walk -fine,if she is tired,she hops on, sometimes using a scooter as well.I find buggy very useful plus it's great to carry my shopping, especially now when I have to minimize shopping trips and have to buy lots in one go.
Do whatever works for you both and ignore other's opinions.

I would look into other push along trikes, they come in a variety of sizes so worth getting the measuring tape out.

You can also buy a push bar for bikes for about 10 from smiths which can be attached to a bike with stabiles.

smyths

I don't have a car and put my 2 and 4 year old in a double buggy often. I just can't spare the time it takes to walk to the shop and back with 2 young kids. Don't worry about what others think. You're doing your best, and sounds like you're doing well.

Never worry about what anyone else make think. Take an old buggy to shops and use it to carry your shopping, then if you DC gets tired legs let them jump in for five mins. Then say let’s try again as mummy needs a little rest now and get her to walk. I promise these days will not last long. Just do what’s best for you. Not someone else.

Can you ride a bike? What about a bike with a seat or a trailer or a tag along for the child? You can get panniers for the shopping. It would be much quicker than walking and a long term investment as you could still use the bike when the child is able to cycle themselves.

DS is 4 and can walk miles, but it takes ages and he occasionally needs carrying. I don’t have a great back and don’t want to cripple myself so I use a buggy if we are going a long way or for a day out that involves a lot of walking. If I’m going on a shopping trip. I take a buggy board and use the seat for shopping.

If we are going just for a walk he has a micro maxi scooter. With the handles fully down he can scoot it himself and with them fully up it’s the perfect height to hold the handle next to me as I am walking and just pull him along.

Don’t give a crap what anyone else thinks.

Haven’t read TFT but how about a bike for you with a trailer on the back that you can fill with child and shopping?
Whenever I see someone with these I get the envy !

Don't let other people's judgements get you down OP (easier said than done I know)
If the pushchair is working out for you and your DD then that's perfectly acceptable and nobody else's business. It's hard trying to walk and carry shopping and even harder when you have a little one that decides they don't want to walk anymore (been there many times!)
I'd carry on as you are and ignore the judger's and gradually build up your daughters walking on the more fun walks when you don't also have shopping to carry. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong!

How about a wagon or trolley that she can sit in when she's tired?

You could build up the distance slowly - so she walks the first mile then sits in the trolley, then walks all the way there but sits in on the way back.

This makes me cross, why do they plan developments and then not think about how people will get around!

This is actually why I wouldn’t live in he country. My country friends have to drive everywhere and even have to get bike racks because they kids can cycles where they live (no footpaths) I have safe lanes and a greenway to take me to the park directly from my house.

The bike solutions are great if you would feel safe, if not crack on with the buggy. If anyone of judging that’s heir issue not yours.

I remember the shaming when I had to carry my daughter (later diagnosed with a joint disorder).

Almost invariably by people with cars who only walked for pleasure,
on nice days out, when everybody was in a good mood and encouraged by the thought of the picnic, not with heavy shopping through the rain at the end of a tiring day.

"You need to ditch the buggy completely and start by walking short-ish distances" presupposes a situation where you can choose how far you walk, not a situation where you have to walk or nobody will eat or get to school.

People who need to walk long distances have to manage as best they can. My parents were in this situation. Fortunately with 4 very strong and healthy children. Even so, I am sure my brother got carried at times when he was 4. Or popped on top of the shopping in the old pram they used to transport things. Hasn't stopped him from growing up a very energetic walker. My dd was less strong. We did our best with that situation.

What I can never understand is why people who just shove their children in the car to go to the shops don't get judged as much as the ones who put them on the buggy board. As I once said on here, what is a car if not a wheelchair for able-bodied people?

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Really does depend on the distance, which you have so far refused to answer

Yes, it could be 500m or 5k there and back. Makes all the difference.

Mind you I'm not good at estimate distance, I've no idea how far it is to my Sainsburys.

It doesn’t really matter the distance, it’s more than her child can do. Don’t forget that it’s a round trip. At this age they naturally vary such a lot in strength - what’s possible for one 4yr old would be impossible for another. Also, rarely will ‘minor’ disabilities like dyspraxia or hyper mobility be diagnosed in a young child. There could be any number of reasons this isn’t possible. It really really isn’t important what the distance is.

People can be so judgey. They should mind their own business. Carry on as you are OP you do what’s best for you and your child.

She's hardly a "toddler" at 4.5 year old

I used a basic stroller until my DS was five. He has autism, so got tired easily, and it was either deal with his meltdowns or cut our days out short, or just use a buggy and he could sit in there happily with a book when he was tired out. He was tall for his age too, so looked older too. I don't think I got any judgemental looks or comments and I'm usually quite sensitive to that stuff. Most people don't care what you do!

@happylittlechick

How far are we talking? My two year old walks his sister two miles to school and back each day. I would expect a school aged child to be able to walk a fair distance unless they have additional needs. Especially if you are in no rush. Try and encourage her to walk a little further each time.

Ridiculous expectation for a two year old.