Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

I still used buggy occasionally even at 5 years of age (definitely remember a holiday a couple of months after DS was 5 and we had buggy). I know other people who did as well .

I remember several years ago when dc1 started yrR, plenty of the parents would be waiting with the buggy at the end of the day, at least for the first term. They all develop stamina at different stages. I also like the idea at the start of the thread of using a buggy board and putting the shopping in the buggy. (I had a buggy board when dc2 was a toddler, although often would still end up with dc1 in the buggy and dc2 walking - they’re both uni students now!)
Also remember the phrase “those who matter won’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter” basically ignore the judgmental types!

Do whatever makes your life easier OP. Honestly. Lol life is too short to stress these things

@Sushi123

It's really no-one's business...but at 4 and a half I can't see why she can't do 3 or 4k on a bike or scooter with a little leg rest if she needs it....100 feet on a bike isn't that far 🤷

What if the shops are a 6k round trip? We did that all the time when the kids were little - and some. I would not have let my kids scoot at that age - they were not safe to reliably stop at every road and driveway.

OP please ignore appeals to buy an expensive bike, get a cab etc. Do what works for you. Don't spend money just because some people like to feel superior to others.

Just use a buggy. Who gives a damn what other people think / say / do etc?!?! You do YOU.

My son is approaching 4 and up until recently have still been using the buggy to get him to and from nursery (it's 1.5 miles each way). I simply don't have the time to faff about in the mornings as need to get back for work so it's easier (quicker) that he is in the buggy. I'm currently on Maternity leave as Ds2 is due next week and I plan to get a buggy board for moving forward. If this wasn't the case I'd continue with him in the buggy. He has plenty of exercise at other times so if people want to judge that's up to them. I'd do what suits you!

Definitely try a scooter. One with three wheels so it rolls easily. We had the same problem with our twins. Felt really sorry for them as they only had little legs bless them.

Practice walking longer distances, it takes some time to adjust but worth it. Push her on the scooter? These are the only ways to go.
I don’t think I would ever consider a buggy for 4,5 years old unless there is a disability. I’m sure my 7 years old wouldn’t mind me pushing them in the buggy if I offered, but where do we draw a line?

A few people have suggested trailerbikes (so a tagalong) which are great, and we use them a lot- but you can't carry shopping at the same time as you can't usually use panniers (at least not decently sized ones). I can get loads more under the pushchair than in bike panniers.

Bike trailers are fab but you've got to be a confident, strong cyclist and have a pretty safe route. The kid is still sitting down, same as a buggy, so if you're only doing it to keep up appearances I wouldn't bother, tbh.

I would just cultivate a tinkly little laugh and talk about climate change and childhood asthma if anyone with a car says anything to you.

Another vote for the scooter. I picked up a maxi micro scooter for £30 from Fb marketplace. It has an extendable handle so it easy to pull along if they get tired. Sometimes I still help my 6 year old if he's tired but mostly he happily goes miles on it. A decent backpack for carrying shopping is an absolute Godsend. Not stylish but a lot easier than struggling with bags.

at 4 and a half I can't see why she can't do 3 or 4k on a bike or scooter with a little leg rest if she needs it....100 feet on a bike isn't that far 🤷
But it isn't 100 feet. 3k is 10,000 feet.

And rests for little legs are fine but if you're walking for an hour with rests there, then doing an hour around the shops that's going to be a lot slower walk home so the 3 hour round trip may now have an extra hour in it. Not every one has the time to walk at child pace with leg rests!

Ignore what you think people are saying, they are not living your life. My son is the same age and I still occasionally use his buggy and I drive (its always in the boot). He's too big for it but its handy to stop him touching stuff in the shops (covid), using on long walking journeys where I know he'll get tired (hes skinny but bloody heavy) and I have bags to carry. Other family members who don't drive use it when they have him for the day when they take him out for the same reasons. I've had friends say he's too big for a buggy but where are they when I'm struggling to get him home and he's too tired to walk? Do whats best for your family. As long as he gets exercise and is expected to walk until he's tired, he will be fine.

I completely agree with pp that you should do whatever works for you. I have 4 DC and all of them except DS3 used a buggy for long walks or airports until they were 5. They are all slim/skinny

We took my niece to disney with us and hired a double buggy thinking DS3 who was 4 years old would need it and maybe DS2 who was 5 and my niece who was almost 7 used it more than them. Admittedly she looked about 4 and even now at 17 looks about 12, but still.

Nobody commented. I have seen 6 or 7 year olds asleep in buggies in very hot places.

Dont stress. Enjoy the fact that you can power walk without having to stop to look at every slug and ant

Stop caring what other people think...

Wait...what I read was, all I hear in my head, not "all I hear people say. Now, if they are saying it out loud, it's their bad, and their idiocy. You keep on going where you want to go. If, on the other hand, you are imagining that is what they are thinking, the thing you need to really take on board and internalize is that 95% of them aren't thinking about you and your child at all. Beyond registering that you are there, and not to walk over you. The 5% that are, are probably thinking, "Cute kid," or a WORST, "I hope she doesn't have a disability, such a cute kid." Don't let your own imagination keep you house-bound. And if it does, I urge you to seek out a good counselor. This sort of thing is learned by children. Not saying that's the case, but if it is.

This thread had demonstrated quite admirably how so many posters a) don't read the OP properly, or their updates b) have any consideration for how other people might live their lives and c) use logic.
Among the more obvious points, why is it OK for OP to get online delivery/get a cab, but not put the child in a buggy?
OP has, not surprisingly, cleared off, and I don't blame her.

Some of the workarounds (all to avoid being judged for a buggy) involve spending a great deal of money or effort .

Sorry nrtft but my immediate thought was a bike for you with a child seat?

@Cam77

Anyone who comments negatively is a massive dick. Often it's the heavy car traffic which make some walks into town unsafe for a family on foot/young child on a bike or scooter right next to a busy road with cars flying past. And yet some of those judging a parent walking with their kid in a buggy see no issue strapping their kid in the back seat of a polluting vehicle for a one or two mile run down the road! Your child is "old enough to walk" but their child gets chauffeured all over town.

I second that!

Scooter! My two go everywhere on their's!

I'm missing the point but why do they build these isolated estates in the first place? It just dumps even more cars on roads that don't have the space for them and leaves people without cars in situations like this.

All kids are different op. I had a child who was happy walking everywhere at 2. On the other end of the scale I had a 4 yo that I could only get to walk 20 minutes at best. You might find when she goes to school you’ll be able to ditch the buggy then.

All these people saying when he gets to school age.
The likelihood is he is at school, given his age

I know I'm a bit kate in adding this, but honestly, just pop your little girl in a buggy for those journeys and don't worry about what others think. Some people like to judge and tell you what they think, but a good thing to say to them is, 'thanks but this works for me.' As someone said earlier, let them crack on. You are the parent, you decide what you do.

Just use the buggy! You can swap between the shopping and child sitting in the buggy if you’ve got the time and inclination.

Save walking ‘practise’ for leisurely walks to the park or whatever-don’t make your life harder by trying to juggle shopping, scooters etc.
My kids liked scooting but more for fun than a method of transport!