Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

@LilacPebbles they were very advanced, but too lazy to walk , I am always too lazy to read what I have written .

Why did you care what other people think? Seriously, life is way to short!!!

Why do you care what people think. They don't know your life, sod them and get on with your life how you wish.
Maybe if you have a scooter let her do some scooting and a bit in the buggy. A scooter is not too hard to carry on the buggy too. X

Not going to RTFT but you say no direct bus routes.

Bus part of the way?
Shopping delivery?

I think just do whatever works for you! She’s still preschool or just started so use a buggy for longer trips and for shorter trips maybe encourage her to walk so she builds up her tolerance for walking? I only suggest this because unless you plan on moving, this is going to go on for ages and you really can’t be putting her in a buggy in a couple of years...

I'm torn in this one. At 4.5 I think she does need to get use to walking, and unless you plan on moving then she will have to manage the walk eventually, but that doesn't help you today, when you need shopping. Maybe keep using the buggy when you have to, but also make a conscious effort to build up her stamina, even if it's just a short walk round the block every day until she can go further.

I do feel sorry for you though, DS (just turnd 4) is a lazy walker and we did end up using the car way more than we should have. We've been trying to walk more over the last few months and he can now do the 20 minutes to preschool no problem (actually runs most the way) and will go for an hour or two with encouragement. Just start small and make sure your not in a hurry.

It does look a bit sad and wrong to see an able bodied reception aged kid in a pram.

It does look a bit sad and wrong to see an able bodied reception aged kid in a pram.

I thought like thus before I had kids.
Now I assume there is a cals reason the child is in the buggy.

^

Let’s try that again :-)

I thought like this before I had kids.
Now I assume there is a valid reason the child is in the buggy.

My Dad makes twatty comments about big kids in buggies, I remind him that DB used a buggy and reins for a loooong time (special big reins too). DB has SN but looks normal so people don't immediately understand why things are how they are, my Dad forgets this

Ignore them/the twats and do what you've got to do.

I had a neighbour who expressed surprise at DS in a pushchair at 3. She had a DC the same age and was busy strapping him into the car, as we passed by on our way to the local shops.

Shortly after we bumped into them in the shop with her DC in the trolley. I took great delight in expressing surprise that she would drive such a short distance, much better to use a pushchair and walk. Petty but satisfying.

It does look a bit sad and wrong to see an able bodied reception aged kid in a pram.

Does it? Who notices? Busybodies.

If I see a big kid in a pushchair I assume that there is a reason for it (if I think about it at all)

@lovemakespeace

My 4.5 year old still uses the buggy if we go any distance. Didn't even really occur to me to worry about it!

I honestly don't understand that. It's just as bad to have kids who are stuck in cars and never walk, obviously.

But 4.5 year old here would be in reception here, even if you have completely skipped nursery or pre-school. If your child is used to a buggy for a "long" distance, HOW will they cope when the school organises outings and take them on long walk?

Of course no school will make them trek up a mountain for a solid 8 hours, but "wellie walks", days out etc.. usually take a good couple of hours walk, at their pace, with little breaks etc.. but still a walk.

By that age, they should walk just as much as you do - if you can take a buggy, it's not a arduous walk anyway!

That assumes that everyone drives. They don't. A leisurely stroll at toddler speed is fine if important trips can be taken in a car - and with a car, nobody needs to walk for eg six miles unless they choose to. But a quarter of British families don't have a car, and they will rely on buggies accordingly. And the suggestion that a lovely leisurely family stroll makes any need for a buggy otiose is a very car-centred one.

Bluntly, if you can afford Peggy Porschen then you may not be all that familiar with the way lots of people live. Five or six quid is not a normal price for a single takeaway cupcake, delicious as they are.

@randomer

It does look a bit sad and wrong to see an able bodied reception aged kid in a pram.

But how would you know they're able bodied? I had to use a buggy again for my DD when she was 6 because she'd recovered from a life threatening illness that left her paralysed. She was learning to walk again when she was discharged from hospital, unsteady like a toddler with extreme fatigue so we couldn't even walk to the nearest corner shop. Yet to look at her you'd think she was 'able bodied' and yeah we got some shitty remarks that i shot down with 'none of your business', as if she didn't feel self conscious enough that at that present time she wasn't able to be the lovely, energetic little girl she had been before the illness.

My neighbour's son is autistic and without the buggy she'd never get out of the house. Yet to look at he appears a perfectly capable 5yo.

This isn't the case with OP, obviously, but still, mind how you go with the assumptions.

Also I fail to see how sticking a child in a buggy to go do a big shop is any different to sticking them in a car. Those of you who drive to the supermarket, do you then make your 4 year old walk round the shop or do you pop them in the trolley to make your life easier? Yeah thought so.

Seconding that. My DS is a strapping young lad and bright, too. "Looks normal." He's also autistic, and needed a buggy sometimes at 7, just to retreat from the world. We had looks when he was just sitting, and then also different looks when he needed a blanket over his head, so you can't actually win!

My DD was walking to the local shops, just holding our hand, at 18 months. DS, and no chance at all until he was 3 or so, and then after he started in school he needed a buggy in crowded areas as he was unable to manage the sensory input - could walk miles, in the countryside. So I've had two completely different children with completely different needs, and the younger was done with a buggy some years before the elder was. I'm very grateful though, in retrospect, that I responded to those needs through instinct, and refused to be shamed by other people's ignorant assumptions. My kids had their needs met, long before DS had a diagnosis to justify those choices in the eyes of busybodies. What else matters?

People are swift to judge anyone different to themselves. You know nothing about other lives, and really, what concern is it of yours?

@PeggyPorschen - saying a buggy is as bad as a car doesn’t mean anything in this context though does it? Concentrating on the journey without consideration of what happens at the destination is where the difference lies. If you have a small child who needs to walk a fair distance to get anywhere then you’re adding an extra task to whatever is going on at the destination.

Going for an actual walk in the woods or something is different to having to walk a distance and then do something (shopping, school, soft play, park, clubs etc.) and then factor in a walk back. If you have a child that enjoys walking it’s a different beast but if general walking through streets isn’t their thing it turns into an arduous task for everyone involved and doesn’t exactly help foster a love of walking in a small child.

The OP has to shop and generally navigate life so she needs to do what works with as minimal fuss as possible. If public transport isn’t an option then she can only look at other methods to get things done.

It's not a matter of the physical walking though its attention and behaviour. A child will happily run around and join in school and nursery but can get bored and whine on a long dull walk to the shops. We have not all got perfect kids out of the box and sometimes you need a practical work around.
I know one of those new estates near us, its literally a mile to the Co op along a narrow pavement and 40mph road. They do have a few buses to be fair but you could be waiting 45 minutes for the bus home.

Well opinions ms are like bum holes aren't they op. Everyone has them but People should largely keep them to themselves. You have to do what's right for your family so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else and ignore the rest.

How far is it into town? I guess the bigger issue is that she won't last in a buggy for much longer or those push along bikes etc. If you're miles from a bus stop what happens with school? Or when she's taking herself to secondary school?

My DS had a long walk to nursery, he was fine some days and other days just whinged. The only way I could get him to keep going was to make it a game, play eye spy or just distract him with chat about nursery etc. In awful weather I didn't hesitate to plonk him in his buggy. Common sense surely? Let people judge, as long as you are making them walk most of the time it won't do any harm.

@WanderlustWitch, my comment was mean and unecessary, Sorry.

Those of you who drive to the supermarket, do you then make your 4 year old walk round the shop or do you pop them in the trolley to make your life easier? Yeah thought so.

How on earth do you get a 4 year old in a trolley seat? DS was only 15kg at 4 but there was no way I could've got him into a trolley seat, too awkward to lift him up and get his legs through . He held on to the trolley and walked from two.

@perfectstorm

That assumes that everyone drives. They don't. A leisurely stroll at toddler speed is fine if important trips can be taken in a car - and with a car, nobody needs to walk for eg six miles unless they choose to. But a quarter of British families don't have a car, and they will rely on buggies accordingly. And the suggestion that a lovely leisurely family stroll makes any need for a buggy otiose is a very car-centred one.

Bluntly, if you can afford Peggy Porschen then you may not be all that familiar with the way lots of people live. Five or six quid is not a normal price for a single takeaway cupcake, delicious as they are.

why are you talking about leisurely stroll? We are talking about daily normal life walks. If the kids don't get used to it, how will they ever manage?

Not all of us are slaves of their cars, peggy porschen cakes or not.

ESPECIALLY if you don't have a car, surely your kids need to walk!

the suggestion that a lovely leisurely family stroll makes any need for a buggy otiose is a very car-centred one.
you spectacularly missed my point, I said that if you are on a road accessible for a buggy, by definition you are not climbing a mountain or trecking paths unpractical for a child. Where the buggy can be pushed, a child can walk.

Very funny assumption that I only take my kids for leisurely strolls. I don't as it happens.

I don't think it makes kids awfully lazy for not being up for a 3 mile trek into town, an hour shopping and then the same in reverse at 4 or 5. And frankly of I'm then carrying lots of shopping home I'd appreciate a buggy to dump the shopping on