Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

@WitchQueenofDarkness,

OP did mention all of that if you go through her posts

@Chickychickydodah

My dgd doesn’t like long walks and occasionally wants to be picked up, I just try skipping and being silly singing songs etc and that does the job. We look for flowers and things on the way and this distracts her.

So many people on this thread with Let them eat cake attitude!
I'm sure OP will be happy to find out that to get her little girl to walk a long way on the narrow pavement next to roaring traffic and then round the shops in town and back all she needs to do is skip with her while carrying heavy shopping and look for flowers and things while trying to run all the errands and keep the child safe. Surely it never would have occurred to a single mother who looked after her child daily for 4.5 years to try that, so your experience of taking granddaughter on a walk is invaluable!

You would think someone would have invented a robust kind of shopping trolley/buggy with a perch on child seat, it would encourage more people to walk to the shops. And be useful for families, the elderly, camping, all kinds of things. Maybe the bike trailer things are it?
I agree, go for what makes life easy.

OP, it's shit, isn't it? The fact that so many people (women mostly, sadly), just can't keep their noses out of other people's business, needing to visibly sign their judgement on every occasion.

It's easy to say, difficult to do in practice but honestly, try not to pay them any heed. You're not answerable to anybody else and getting your shopping/daughter home in the best way for you is nobody else's business. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Maybe practice raising a disdainful eyebrow in the mirror until you can do it at will. A derisive snort is good too.

Ignore them. Trolls are not just on the internet, they walk amongst us.

My dgd doesn’t like long walks and occasionally wants to be picked up, I just try skipping and being silly singing songs etc and that does the job. We look for flowers and things on the way and this distracts her.

We look for flowers too, but we're equally likely to find cigarette ends, chewing-gum, discarded litter, dog waste and used needles along our route. And it's not even a terrible area, that's just the reality of urban life sometimes.

If a buggy works for you then just use it. If I saw you it wouldn't occur to me to judge you or that's its a problem. Also useful for the shopping.
I've found that people I meet in real life are much nicer than the internet luckily.

I'm sure OP will be happy to find out that to get her little girl to walk a long way on the narrow pavement next to roaring traffic and then round the shops in town and back all she needs to do is skip with her while carrying heavy shopping and look for flowers and things while trying to run all the errands and keep the child safe. Surely it never would have occurred to a single mother who looked after her child daily for 4.5 years to try that, so your experience of taking granddaughter on a walk is invaluable!

This is one of the best posts I have read on MN.
Fantasy v reality right there.

Sorry I accidentally tagged you @WitchQueenofDarkness I was responding to @Chickychickydodah

Mine was out of a pram at 2.5 ish as in my opinion they’re for babies and I hate seeing big kids in prams.. But if it worked for me then I’d do it and wouldn’t really care what people think of me

And by “I hate seeing big kids in prams” I’d probably have a split second of then get on with my day, it really doesn’t affect me that much what other people do with their kids

@MessAllOver
Yes it’s like that here for me too but I’m trying to look for the positives in our shitty city. 🥰

For all you people slagging me off , I was a single mum for 9 years and have had the same problems as op. I know what it like. All I was trying to do was encourage the op with ideas, nothing malicious . So hate brigade do one !

The real positive for us on our walks is the fat ginger cat who sits on a chair just inside the door of our local betting shop. DS has run in there several times to pet him before being told under 18s aren't allowed.

@RayOfSunshine2013

Mine was out of a pram at 2.5 ish as in my opinion they’re for babies and I hate seeing big kids in prams.. But if it worked for me then I’d do it and wouldn’t really care what people think of me

And by “I hate seeing big kids in prams” I’d probably have a split second of then get on with my day, it really doesn’t affect me that much what other people do with their kids

What you mean is that it really doesn't affect me what other people do with their kids, there's no 'that much' about it at all.

This bit not aimed at you, RayofSunshine but I wonder if all the judgemental posters out there enjoying their eye-rolling, would do so if the OP were a man out pushing the child in a buggy? I think not. Women though, fair game for every nasty thought.

It's really shocking actually - and disgusts me.

I would try online shopping if you can. I appreciate that online slots are not as plentiful in more rural areas (I'm in a city) and also that if you are on a limited budget, it can be difficult as the minimum order is often £25 and they sometimes charge high delivery fees under £40. It can be as much as £7. That would solve the shopping issue, making it easier to deal with the getting out for other things issue.

I wouldn't worry if the buggy is safer on the busy roads. Not many of us in the position of being isolated, a single parent and without a car. In a city, you forget how convenient everything is. And it sounds like the kind of area where most parents would drive if they could. You could try a scooter if you think it would work for them and be safe?

I think the biggest problem here is that so many new estates in the U.K. get built with really shitty infrastructure - so no decent public transport and no lanes or paths designed for walking and cycling.

Leaving that aside I really sympathise. I am also a lone parent with no car (although live in London so at least have access to transport). When my dd was little I used a buggy until she was 3.5 and finally had to stop using it when her legs were too long for it! Even though she was a really good walker I could not risk days out etc without it, because if she got too tired there was no way I could have carried her. (Petite mother with big child!)

@Debradoyourecall

I’ve seen some trikes which the kids sit on while the parents push with a handle, slightly more grown up than a buggy perhaps?

But I think those judgy parents drive everywhere, they have no idea what it’s like trying to get a small child to walk longer distances.

Trikes like that were very common when I was small, back in the dark ages of the 50s, the handle could be removed when not needed but it gave the parent control in busy areas.

You can keep her dry in the buggy, it's winter! I don't think anyone cares and for all they know she could have a bad foot.

Ignore anyone that judges.

Some of these suggestions really don’t take into account heavy shopping or any other factor of living without a car or public transport. Just do whatever makes your life easier. Walking a long distance for shopping is completely different to going on an exciting hike. At the end of the day, it’s a chair with wheels on it- why do people get so het up? I would let her take a short break in the buggy when she gets really tired but I’d also bring a lightweight scooter to help her build her stamina. Plus you get to hang your shopping in the buggy/ on the handles.

I don’t drive either. My son is nearly 2 and nearing the age Mumsnet condemns for buggy usage. When I go out, I go out for several hours because it takes so long for me to walk everywhere (takes an hour to get him to toddler play groups, pool, nice park, etc and then hour back). People who have driven for years just don’t understand.

ride there & walk back (with buggy board in case) with shopping in buggy & ignore others
Some dc can walk further than others (asthma & dyspraxia for instance) I won't judge - unless you go over my foot with buggy!

Just do what you need to do OP, my youngest was in a buggy longer than my older ones because the walk to the nearest shops is all uphill and it was a slog for my adult legs. Her little ones were tired within 15 minutes. No ones business but yours.

Bike with kid trailer, used a lot in Bristol.

I've not RTFT but just use the buggy don't spend money on anything else if what you've got works.
Ive just bought a second hand double and Ive a 3.5 year old and a 4 month old. I often walk miles with them, up and down country lanes and DS at 3.5 cant walk 3 miles!
I think the judgement comes from those who just go from house to car to shop to car.

Just to insult all the judging ones here, I make my nearly 2 year old get out of the buggy to walk up the horrendous hill we come across daily on our pathway to civilisation, just to save my own lazy legs. He’s then so knackered that he has to sit in the buggy for the rest of the journey. If this is still happening at 4, then so be it...at least I’m not destroying the environment by avoiding 10 minute walks in my tin can.

My 4.5 year old still uses the buggy if we go any distance. Didn't even really occur to me to worry about it!