Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

My daughter is 3 - we've only ever had 1 car which my husband often uses and so she's really used to being in the pushchair as she was in it such a lot when little. I have noticed now that other children are walking when she's in the pushchair but I figure we still have to do quite long walks with me carrying shopping (I picked a buggy with a huge basket for exactly this reason) I figure it works for us - I don't care what others think!!!

It's fine. Don't worry about it. As long as you're not using it for every trip out where they could walk. More parents drive their children around, which is essentially the same.

And I would judge you. There are far too many parents who treat their growing toddlers like big babies, many of them still in nappies and unable to dress themselves or use a knife and fork. Unless there are SN this is just lazy parenting. It's like plugging children into ipads when out in restaurants. Yes, toddlers can be a pain to get from a to b and out and about but developmentally it's important. The investment you put in at this stage pays off massively later and short cuts will come back to bite you. Honestly, thousands of other parents have managed. What do you think happened before cars? Have a word with yourself and get your child walking properly.

I really feel for you. My eldest was a brilliant Walker...he even did a 10mile sponsored walk at 3 (albeit very slowly!). My younger son was diagnosed with T1 diabetes at 3 & couldn’t walk far before asking for the buggy.

We had all the disapproving looks & snide comments about lazy kids.
People should mind their own business & not judge anyone.
If your child needs a ride in the buggy then that’s for you to make that decision. You may want to encourage her to walk a little & give her teddy a ride , again that is up to you.
I wonder if the people who drive their cars into town make their 4 year olds get out & walk...

What do you think happened before cars

Infrastructure was set up for that so shops and markets were strategically placed closer to where people lived and it was much more common to buy several small shops throughout the week. Now people generally have to traipse to large supermarkets which has evolved into a larger once a week shopping trip saving lots of longer journeys.

I would continue to use the buggy especially if you’re carting shopping, it’s by far the easier method.

I'm guessing your child is in reception. How do you get her to and from school?

Ignore some of these posters - bet they're driving their kids around in the car most of the time!!!!

@Cornettoninja v few people live far from shops plus the child is 4.5 so presumably in school or nursery. OP can do larger shops without the dd or online and the dd can walk everywhere else.

TBH I long for those days of walking about with my toddlers. They are no 18 and 16 and the eldest is in university.

Not saying it was easy but it was precious.

@Russell19 chances are they walk to school. The problem is carrying heavy shopping plus deal with a child, uneven pavements and a busy rural road.
There's one like that going up on a road near my work place. A mile and a half to nearest shop, further still to the nearest school and no sign of any buses as yet. I really hope that the council lays on school transport!

Couldn't you get a taxi for your big weekly shop op?

What about a bicycle with one of those little trailers behind?

We used a 3wheel scooter, one that grows to suit a bigger child too. When she gets tired she just needs to stand still, you raise the handlebar and pull her along, our scooter just needs a gentle pull (think it's a micro). Also scooting is great exercise.

I used a buggy for my 4.5 year old to take her to nursey and back and I couldn't give a flying fig what anyone thinks and either should you OP. All the patronising gits with cars should acknowledge all the journeys they could conceivably have done on foot but didn't. My personal cut off is school, my dd will go next August and I'll practice the journey with her on foot in the summer.

@nostaples - I don’t think it’s as uncommon as you think to not live near shops. I have to travel to the next town to get to a supermarket as my town only has a pretty high street with an artisan bakery, cafes, pharmacy and a tiny organic food shop. The bus service is decent but it’s only from one side of town, (uphill of course!) so is a fair walk for anyone.

I know plenty of people who live in places that just wouldn’t be viable/very difficult without a car. Round here all the new estates are on the edges of towns with similar set ups.

Chuck in work, school and any other commitments and getting your young child from A-B-C back to A again by foot means I think you should use any means necessary to get you through the day tbh.

FFS the kid is 4.5 and therefore must be in school or nursery some of the time.

We're not talking about climbing Everest just walking to the shops.

The OP doesn't say how far it is but if it's close enough for her to walk to, it can't be that far.

This was me when dd was little.
I used the buggy when collecting shopping and let her sit on the way and walk on the way back, same with my Avon round but in reverse, once my books had been delivered she could have a seat.
I took advantage of shopping in somerfield where I could do my shop then they'd deliver it later in the day so I didnt have to lug it home, Iceland is todays equivalent. Or once a week on a free bus to a local supermarket, that depends on area though.
Rucksacks are great also, really spread the load, much easier than the normal bag for life which are only useful when travelling by car.
Granny trolleys too can be useful, just dont but ice cream on a hot day!

We had to work quite hard to get our DD walking anywhere- no stamina at all. She sat in a buggy at four too.
She’s nearly 5 now and loads better. We started with little walks and built up distance every couple of weeks.
But honestly I wouldn’t care at all about anyone judging. People who’ve got time/inclination to scrutinise other people’s choices over something so minor are just dicks who need more to do with their time.

@Mermaid67

Has anybody on here questioned why the OP can't use internet shopping or shop while child is at school or nursery?

Internet shopping is more expensive and you don't get to choose your own fruit and veg which some people don't like. Plus, why should she have to just to assuage judgmental folk?

I live a bit out of town and at a time din,t have a car. My dD was a much better walker then my ds. Only time my DD sat in buggy at that age was when she was unwell. My nephew had mobility issues so was in buggy for longer and a backpack but he had a genuine dysability. For op I think a bike with trailer or tagalong is good. (I didn,t get on with a bike seat.). If this was the occasional thing then fine but on a regular bases a school child should be walking.

It's really no-one's business...but at 4 and a half I can't see why she can't do 3 or 4k on a bike or scooter with a little leg rest if she needs it....100 feet on a bike isn't that far 🤷

Firstly pay no heed to what other people think - as others have said, a good proportion of them would just put their kids in the car which means no exercise for them or their child and is actually the REALLY lazy option. My kid is the same age and I use a buggy or a trailer for the school run as she won’t walk that far. Just hold your head high and do what you have to do. Real friends don’t judge you anyway.

When my dd was in year R i pushed her to school in a buggy becuase she couldn't manage the 1.2 mile walk. I have seen other parents at school gates with a buggy waiting as well.
When she was just starting to walk i brought a mother care xs stroller. Its super small and folds down into a bag so she could walk some of the way then jump into the buggy when she was tired. I really wouldn't give a flip what other people think its noones business but yours.

Continue using the buggy, your child’s tired legs are moe important than what anyone thinks and you don’t need the added expense of taxis. I used my maclaren all the time and my son often got in it when he was fed up of walking. It’s hard enough doing shopping without a car and no bus stop, do what suits you and your child.

I used to still use the pushchair with my then 4yo when I went grocery shopping. I was pregnant at the time too and couldn't manage holding the shopping plus him if he got tired. Same with his sister. They could walk for maybe 40 minutes but did need a rest after that.

I agree there is stigma around using buggies. But often those that stopped using them 'at 2' drove everywhere and so their toddlers weren't actually walking very much! Using a buggy til 4 hasn't hindered my 2. They have never been overweight, can walk, scoot and bike for long distances. Better to use the buggy than never go anywhere!