Buggy shaming left us isolated

[Halloweenrainbow]

I'm a single parent to 4.5 year old with no car. We live on a new estate slightly outside of town with no direct bus route to shops, leisure centre etc and it's just too far for my daugter to walk there and back. We have a tricycle but she can't go far on it. There's nowhere to put her feet because she's too big for the toddler foot rest and she gets caught-up/hurt with her feet on the peddles with me pushing. She can ride a bike but only for about 100ft. I've given her a push along trolly to distract and motivate her but last time she gave up half way and I ended up carrying her plus trolly, shopping, and bag all the way home - I could hardly use my arms for two days after and swore never to risk that again! I've read previous posts and news articles on the issue that all seem to have a negative view of parents who still use a buggy for older kids. What's the alternative? When I out and about all I can hear in my head is "what a lazy mother", "no wonder kids are fat these days" to the extent that we don't go out much anymore.

You might as well order your shopping online.

When my DC were small I did not have a car and I still had to get shopping. By the time dd was 3 she was walking 2 miles onto town have a small rest then walk back again. I had baby in buggy so she had to walk. DS could easily walk the same distance by the time he was 3. If you always push your DC everywhere their leg muscles will be very weak and they will not have any stamina. I just ignored the whining if my dd said her legs were tired and told her she could rest them when we got home. If school friends see her being pushed in a buggy they will laugh and make fun of her.

What is the distance OP? Your child will get used to it the more you do it. I'm also a single non-driving parent and ditched the pram ASAP as I couldn't stand using it on the bus. My son is almost 5 and walks for miles now with no complaint.

You need a rucksack or trolley on wheels for your shopping. Make sure you have water and a snack for your child and let her bring a toy for the journey also as it gives them a distraction. My son has his own backpack.

Ignore the shamers I'd say. We used a buggy with our littlest until he was around 4. There was the usual arrogant shaming of that but when we broke it down, those who looked down at that just didn't walk as far as we did. He wasn't in the buggy all the time but if we'd done 1.5 miles and he was knackered, we let him rest. He's 11 now and perfectly normal in size and reasonably sporty. It the shops are 1/2 mile away, you can probably manage without, but if they're a 3-mile trip then that's different.

Our youngest is just 4 and we still use the buggy on long days out- partly it's handy to carry lunch etc, but partly because she still conks out for a nap sometimes (if we had a car I guess she would be dropping off on the way home). She's capable of walking long distances and cycles a few miles a day on her own on the nursery run but I'm not making life unnecessarily difficult.

Her older sister didn't walk until she was well over 2 and is hypermobile so we used it for even longer. I used to laugh at the 'my kid walked 6 miles by the time they were 2' crew- she'd only just learned to stand!

We also go on lots of long days out. I bet you find any buggy shamers stay near home, or drive. I think it's common in London to use buggies for longer- fewer cars, people walk a lot.

Oh there was a parent in DC1's reception who picked her twins up in a double buggy. They were late summer born and premature and she then had to stride up a massive hill for a mile to do another pick up, which was time critical. I don't blame the parent. I'd do the same.

At 4.5 I assume she’s in school and really shouldn’t be in a buggy. I do feel your pain as I’ve been there for years with 2 dc and had many times I thought my arms would be permanently stretched. The suggestion of a micro scooter is the best solution I found as you can tow it easily with the child standing on it when they get tired. Surely most people wouldn’t be able to carry a nearly 5 year old on a back pack for long even if they did fit? How far are the distances?

PeggyPorschen

you spectacularly missed my point, I said that if you are on a road accessible for a buggy, by definition you are not climbing a mountain or trecking paths unpractical for a child. Where the buggy can be pushed, a child can walk.

We had an all terrain off-road buggy, because we used it for hiking, and we lived in the Cotswolds.

People's lives, and children, differ. I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand.

Firstly this, by your own admission is completely in your head: no one has actually said this to you, you're just making up stories to torture yourself with so you can stop that for a start.

Secondly you've already prepared your own argument: you've got valid reasons why your DD still requires her buggy and they're entirely sound reasons.

Thirdly, if you keep talking to yourself in such a horrible way you'll end up depressed (if you're not already) and what possible good could that do you?

Lastly: unless people like this are paying your bills or putting a roof over your head their opinions mean diddly squat. As the saying goes, opinions are like bumholes, every bodies got one.

No one is bullying you, you're bullying yourself so enough already.

Your kid is 4.5, let them walk!
My kid is only a few months older and can walk 8 miles easily. If you don't build up what they can do with distance and so on then how will you expect your kid to get fitter to cope with it.

If the buggy is useful to you just use it.

As we all know a mother's place truly is in the wrong. You might as well live your life as suits you. My daughter was in a buggy regularly up to the age of four and a half. I even picked her up from reception in it - the horror! We also didn't have a car and she wasn't much of a walker. My son was really big for his age and I got snidey comments about him being in the buggy from the age of about 2 1/2.
Just smile, nod and then do whatever the fuck you like.

Why do you care?

Please ignore the cringey mountaineers.
My daughter used a pushchair until she was five because that is what worked for us. In her twenties now she’s super-fit, lean and is still in competitive sport.
I never received any comments from the busybody brigade. If I did I’d just be glad they’d revealed themselves.

Take no notice and use the buggy when you need to. Scooters are good by 5/6.

How horrible for you. I know it’s not easy, but as a parent you have to leave what other people say as they’re problem. It’s not personal, they don’t know you. It’s because they feel bad. Sod them and so whatever you need to do. Life is too short.

You could try an electric ride on car or the push buggy type! Most kids enjoy them

@PeggyPorschen

You might as well order your shopping online.

Why? Maybe it's the only time they leave the house, maybe they spend the hour walking there and back looking about and enjoying nature

@DrSK2

Why do you care?

Because people like posters on here sit there tutting and eye rolling and talking behind your back, which would bother most people

Has anybody on here questioned why the OP can't use internet shopping or shop while child is at school or nursery?

I remember getting quiet a few comments about my son being in his pram at 4-5 (he’s ASD and just wouldn’t walk for very far and he’s big for his age always 1 to 2 sizes above his age group. It’s so hurtful when people make nasty and useless comments but I learned to just ignore them as I knew why we were using it.

I have my 4 year old up in the carrier for really long walks. He’s about 19kgs and still comfy for have him up there for a maximum of 3 hours

Totally sympathise with this, and feeling judged by people who don't know your situation. Forget what people think and do what you need to do. I continued to take the buggy until my daughter was 4, but I started making sure she walked the first stretch of the journey often from about 3. As she grew, she was well able for the walk in her own time. For what its worth, I think going with a scooter would have been the worst idea ever for me, leaving me with a tired child, shopping bags and a scooter to drag home.

You need a push along trike!

I couldn't drive when my dcs were little. DC1 went on a buggyboard at aged 2 when dd2 was born and both walked when dd2 was just over 2 (she kept escaping from buggy so that was that). We did a lot of walking and we still do. 4.5 is far too old to be in a buggy.