Working from home with screaming baby

[MooseBreath]

Here's our situation: I am a SAHM to nearly 5 month old DS. DS's sleeping has become unbearable, so we are using the Ferber method to sleep train him. Due to the pandemic, DH is working from home in a tiny box room office down the hall from DS's room. Obviously this is not ideal during the throes of sleep training (naptimes especially), and DH is at his wits end from the screaming during meetings. We're both sleep-deprived and struggling to come up with a solution.

Does anyone else have a similar set-up? What have you done to make working from home with an infant bearable?

You didn't ask for one but have a pat and a soothing rub on the arm anyway OP. This is such a hard time as you are all three exhausted. Not helped by WFH due to COVID but this would always have been tough.

If sleep training is stressing you out and isn't working anyway then stop. Pp have given other reasons but you are so tired anyway it is worth trying something else. Your DH will mostly have prior visibility of his meetings so each evening come up with a plan for the next day where you and baby are absent for 2 meetings.

Otherwise do whatever baby needs to sleep. It may not be ideal but any bad habits now can be worse led on later when you aren't all so frazzled. Be kind to yourself. He will find his rhythm as will you; in the interim do whatever you need to to make it through one day at a time.
I found that a very fixed sleep routine worked for my first but not my second child. Baby swimming or a bath and massage we're the only things that worked to get longer naps: also a vibrating ( not swinging) chair was soothing. Something will click for you.

That should have been 'can be worked on later when you aren't so frazzled'. NOT 'worse later' which is the opposite of what I was trying to say

My heart breaks for this poor child, left alone to scream. Shame!

You didn't ask for one but have a pat and a soothing rub on the arm anyway OP.

Ironic, given the subject matter.

30 mins of crying for a few days

It is not acceptable for a child to cry for 30 minutes.

Leaving a baby to cry for 30minutes awful. Yes it might eventually work..only because your baby will learn that no one will come when they cry so they'll stop bothering!

@minnie465

Leaving a baby to cry for 30minutes awful. Yes it might eventually work..only because your baby will learn that no one will come when they cry so they'll stop bothering!

John Bowlby wrote about this back in the 70s. He based his research on children in orphanages. Leaving a young baby to cry for 30 minutes is damaging. If your baby will sleep cuddled in bed with you, op, go for it. You both need it.

Horrified to read that people think cuddling and feeding to sleep are bad habits. They really are not. They are comforting and loving habits, the baby grows up to feel secure and reassured that you are there for them. Just because you hug or feed baby to sleep doesn't mean you'll have to forever!

OP, you say his sleeping is unsustainable but I PROMISE it will not need to be. This is a horrible four-month wall of shite but you aren’t setting in habits for life, I promise. I agree you would be best just letting baby have short naps with you in the day with minimal crying. This won’t last for years - honestly. But it might last for days/weeks and it it is very hard.

You’re not leaving the baby to cry for 30 mins flat out. You go back at regular intervals to reassure - eg at 2 mins, 4 mins, 6 mins etc. My baby didn’t cry flat out for 30 mins but between putting down and them falling asleep took around 30 mins and there was crying for significant periods of that time.

But look - I know it’s a completely divisive issue and people fall into two camps - those who are willing to do it and those who are not. I totally respect those who decide it is not for them but I also understand why people (like me) choose to do it. Hats off to people who can survive on no sleep but frankly I can’t and both of us are a deal sight happier sleeping better. My child has also come on leaps and bounds developmentally since sleeping better and I don’t believe that to be a coincidence.

The Romanian research is often misquoted. I agree that leaving a baby and never responding to their needs is clearly damaging. But what was going on in those orphanages is so far removed from controlled crying it’s meaningless to try to draw comparisons. Leaving your child to self settle is not the same as Saying you never respond to their needs! Of course you do! There is further research from NZ of 2000 children where sleep training was carried out and no detrimental effects were found. That seems more relevant- although it’s a small study so query how much weight any of us should be putting on these types of studies tbh.

If you’re not comfortable with sleep training then of course you shouldn’t do it. But I don’t think there are any studies to suggest that sleep training is (or is not) harmful to children so it is a judgement call for each parent to make.

I used to let my 2nd sleep latched on, then when she woke she'd feed herself back to sleep. It was grim as I hated bf but peaceful at least. I also used the sling out and about and in the house. The caboo is really good for this. You can wear a big zip up jumper and go for a walk, it'll be lovely for both of you.

Feeding to sleep isn't a bad habit. Breast is so much for than food. It's about comfort.
I fed my little girl to sleep, every wake up. Day and night.
She's 15 months now, sleeps through. Has done since 8.5 months, on and off (a couple of nights a week). Been reliably sleeping through since 11/12 months. Self settling etc. I weaned at 13 months. Stopped feeding to sleep gradually from 12 months.

Not all baby's respond to sleep training. Sleep is developmental. I wouldn't push sleep training on a baby so young.

www.amazon.co.uk/CHILD-GROWTH-LOVE-JOHN-BOWLBY/dp/0140202714?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Just looked it up and realised it was written in the 50s. I am older than I thought.

We haven’t changed much biologically speaking since our cave dwelling days.

Cry it out would have been a sure fire way to get the entire family attacked by sabre toothed tigers.

We’ve continued as a species by tending to the needs of young children. Just because we live in heated houses with lightbulbs and vibrating baby chairs doesn’t mean the babies want anything different.