Working from home with screaming baby

[MooseBreath]

Here's our situation: I am a SAHM to nearly 5 month old DS. DS's sleeping has become unbearable, so we are using the Ferber method to sleep train him. Due to the pandemic, DH is working from home in a tiny box room office down the hall from DS's room. Obviously this is not ideal during the throes of sleep training (naptimes especially), and DH is at his wits end from the screaming during meetings. We're both sleep-deprived and struggling to come up with a solution.

Does anyone else have a similar set-up? What have you done to make working from home with an infant bearable?

Ok, well given the situation I suggest you figure out together how much work DH needs to do and any constraints on timings (meetings, deadlines etc). I suggest spreading it over 6 days or even 7. Then do 4 hours on, 4 hours off (or whatever suits) - if he's working in the house, you take the baby out. If baby isn't reliably sleeping, you need to sleep in shifts to make sure you both get some. Be flexible about when work gets done. DH perhaps involve line manager if they are humane (companies are saving £££ not running offices).

It's hard when you're tired but try to take the emotion out of it. You all 3 need sleep and the work needs to get done. Make a schedule and re-evaluate at Christmas.

Definitely not MN approved, far too 'woo' but I know lots of mums who have tried this and it's worked brilliantly. I put it on for my godson when I have him who is a nightmare to nap because he's often overtired and it works for him.

I will ask DH to speak with his manager. Spreading work could be feasible, it's just that he needs to be present for meetings during normal working hours.

I am also looking into gentler sleep training methods. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Put a pin in it if it's not getting after another couple more days, and revisit it in a couple of months. You might be pleasantly surprised.

DH wanted to use Ferber method at 6 months, I wasn't happy but we were at breaking point in terms of sleep deprivation and arguments over it so I let him make the call to keep the peace, as long as he took charge. After one week, it hadn't even got the slightest bit better so we stopped it. By 8 months, DS had found his rhythm and was sleeping from 7pm to 1am and 1am to 6am.

Worth saying as well that he stopped feeding to sleep ages ago, recently started nursery and has now picked up the habit of falling asleep at his bedtime milk. At 15 months old. It's not such a bad habit as you're led to believe, they will grow out of it (and maybe back into it) when they are ready.

If something isn't working, don't force the issue as I have found that it sometimes causes more problems than it creates. You have my sympathies, sleep deprivation whilst having to carry on normal life really sucks. But it does get better!

12-13 weeks is the end of the Fourth Trimester. (Human babies are born 3 months early so need the same as they did in the womb for the first 3 months.). Things do tend to change then, but that’s not a regression.

The 4 and 8 month regressions are brutal. They’re developmentally necessary though and I’m not sure adding huge doses of cortisol alto the situation helps anyone.

(My sister sleep trained my nephew at 7 months. He’s now 8 months and she really needn’t have bothered. )

Could you co-sleep for naps? Make the bed safe using the WHO guidelines (and DH won’t be there), feed lying down and see if he’ll nap. If you crack decent naps, nighttime sleep often gets better.

Also, if he needs darkness, have you tried a stretchy wrap? They work well for sling naps for over stimulated babies as they muffle their ears and allow them to nuzzle in to you and shut out the world.

I think at this age it can feel relentless and that it will always be this way but you will likely see a natural change wihout sleep training so focus on your DH getting as much sleep as possible and you seeing to the baby during the day to keep the disruption minimal.

We tried sleep training with my first baby when he was about 15 months as I was pregnant with my second and frightened about how I would cope with a new baby when my toddler DS1 wasn’t sleeping through.

A Dr checked his health before sleep training but it perhaps thoroughly checked . Sleep training just didn’t go well, He was beside himself and just not settling well and had difficulty staying asleep throughout the night. A week later when I took him to GP he was diagnosed with a nasty ear infection which had been causing him nasty ear pain especially when lying down
It may not be an ear infection with your baby at all but please see GP and get his ears checked just in case as they are very common for young children and baby can only communicate with crying.

If I co-sleep for naps, won't that make him want to co-sleep at night too? Otherwise it sounds very tempting.

No stretchy sling, but can look into it.

As DH is working from home, what time does he start? I coped with hourly wakeups for a month or so with early nights, then any wakeup after 5/6am DH would take her downstairs until 9am so I could get some sleep. Could that be an option for you?

Please try to stop viewing feeding to sleep as a problem. There's a reason it works, it's supposed to! My advice would be to just feed him, then catch up sleep any time DH can take over or during his daytime naps. It is brutal, but it is just a normal development phase I'm afraid and it WILL get better (if he's otherwise happy and meeting milestones, as you say he is)

@MooseBreath

If I co-sleep for naps, won't that make him want to co-sleep at night too? Otherwise it sounds very tempting.

No stretchy sling, but can look into it.

Absolutely not.

We still co sleep for naps at 2 years old.

Sleeps perfectly independently at night.

You should read the UNICEF baby friendly initiative PDF about responsive feeding.

Your baby sounds normal. Sleep training a baby so small is very cruel.

Your husband needs to find other arrangements for work tbh because he can't just expect a baby to stop being a baby, but you could also stop your baby from crying by offering the breast and comforting your child instead of leaving them anxiety ridden, developmentally unready, in a room to cry, periodically watching you come in and then leave them again.

@Findahouse21

I would just feed him when he wakes. Ivve done that from day 1 with both children. Dd2 has slept through a few times and now at 19 months only wakes once or twice a night without ever having been left to cry.

Jesus Christ. Shoot me now if I’m going to be putting up with 1-2 wake ups at 19 months. That is not a successful outcome!

I would persist with the pram for naps.

I will be definitely trying co-sleeping for naps then.

DH starts work at 9 and works until 5:30. He often takes DS over his lunch to give me a break.

Please explain to me how DH can find "other arrangements" during a pandemic. He can't just go to the office.

Babies shouldn’t be left to scream. Stopping that will improve life for everyone.

@Lilybet1980

Waking up is still absolutely normal at that age.

It's just the 'unspoken' thing.

Out of 6 2 year olds I closely know, none sleep through the entire night

DH also can't go to someone else's house under law.

But how can I help him not to scream? Even when I was feeding to sleep, he would scream at naptimes. There are only so many walks I can go on, and he doesn't sleep in the pram!

Some offices are accepting employees back in specific circumstances and many offices have put provisions in place to make the place covid secure including drafting shifts for employees to make sure the place isn't at capacity.

He could also visit a friend/family member to do work there depending on your regions tier, or he could invest in soundproofing, whether that's putting rugs on the walls. Actual soundproof foam. Those funny panels IKEA are selling. Egg cartons. A decent set of headphones which he can take calls with that block outside sound out.

To be honest there's loads of stuff he could do. You just have to sit and think about it.

What about a swinging/rocking chair in a dark room. My sons childminder rocks children under 6 months in a chair to sleep then as they get bigger slows the rocking down. You can also get a snoozeshade for the pushchair which is great if you’re little one needs darkness. It’s so tough raising kids!

I wouldn't usually comment on threads about sleep training because I've done it, and I know the hell of a sleepless baby. But if it's not working to the extent that you're looking for an ongoing solution to enable your husband to work through your baby's crying, I'd suggest you give up for now? You've clearly made up your mind that you're comfortable with Ferberising your

OP DH needs to get noise cancelling headphones. We see plenty of them in online meetings for precisely this reason. Connected/Bluetoothed to laptop so he is hearing the meeting and you aren't.

I wouldn't be sleep training a young baby when you have someone working from home! It's a bit selfish really??

You said you need to prioritise his work which means leaving the sleep training for a few months.....