Working from home with screaming baby

[MooseBreath]

Here's our situation: I am a SAHM to nearly 5 month old DS. DS's sleeping has become unbearable, so we are using the Ferber method to sleep train him. Due to the pandemic, DH is working from home in a tiny box room office down the hall from DS's room. Obviously this is not ideal during the throes of sleep training (naptimes especially), and DH is at his wits end from the screaming during meetings. We're both sleep-deprived and struggling to come up with a solution.

Does anyone else have a similar set-up? What have you done to make working from home with an infant bearable?

[quote esmethurst]@Lilybet1980

Waking up is still absolutely normal at that age.

It's just the 'unspoken' thing.

Out of 6 2 year olds I closely know, none sleep through the entire night[/quote]
I woke up twice last night and I’m 43!

Hello
I am not judging you but as someone who did this and now has two older kids I was well intentioned but my heart breaks when I think that I thought this was OK. They are so tiny for so short a time. They need all the support they need to develop and feel secure. As I said I am not judging you but first time around you will listen to anything. This issue is not the baby or the crying its your desire for a routine at such an early age. Plus your partner cannot work in peace with a less than year old baby so maybe he should find a hot desk somewhere. I am not judging you but please - your baby, despite supporters of this method needs you to be there not ignore him.
He will sleep in a good pattern when ready. Please do not do this.

@MooseBreath

But how can I help him not to scream? Even when I was feeding to sleep, he would scream at naptimes. There are only so many walks I can go on, and he doesn't sleep in the pram!

If he's screaming constantly then I would definitely call either the HV or GP to get reflux looked into.

Up until around 5/6 months, DS lived in the sling. He would literally wake up in the morning, go into the sling, and not really come out unless he was wide awake or needed a feed. We also walked around 5/6 miles a day to keep him settled

My husband has got some Jabra Elite 65t wireless earphones that block sound out even when he's not on a call or listening to music. You can also use the app to amplify outside sounds so you can hear people talking around you without having to take them out. They've been a godsend for WFH while our toddler makes his toddler noises.

But your husband should look to make permanent alternative solutions for long term working from home. It's unfair to your baby otherwise.

But he cries regardless of the sleep training. Even without sleep training, he is crying for every nap. Please stop focusing on the sleep training.

Co sleeping saved our sanity! Can your DH not get a temporary bed to sleep in another room while you co sleep? It is only for a few weeks, and may offer more sleep for everyone.

@MooseBreath

But he cries regardless of the sleep training. Even without sleep training, he is crying for every nap. Please stop focusing on the sleep training.

Is this new/recent constant crying, or has it always been like this?

If you think the sleep training will work can show take some annual leave to get over the worst of it?

He has been like this since 12 weeks. GP told us at 13 weeks that he is fine.

Could you talk us through the crying for naps thing? I'm not sure I understand?

Would you try putting the baby in a wrap and work with them on you?

White noise, swaddle, dummy, pram, sling. So many other things to try than letting a tiny baby cry.
I don't understand why people have babies and haven't thought through the fact that babies don't sleep through generally for quite a long time. And then just go well fuck it, it's inconveniencing my life so they can just scream.

Hmm. Is he screaming before you try and settle him for a nap, or just whilst? Could it be that he's not needing a nap then - so is either not tired yet, or has reached the point of overtiredness? Nap requirements and timings change so much in the first 6 months!

It’s a few years since but we did pick up put down method with DS and it worked really well. It felt a more gentle method to me and that I wasn’t leaving him to cry at all. It might be worth a try as it might be quieter for DH too

@MooseBreath

He has been like this since 12 weeks. GP told us at 13 weeks that he is fine.

Then it sounds just like either teething or regression.

Just to note, our 4 months regression went on for around 7ish weeks. It was LONG and just as I thought we had it sorted it started again

""But he cries regardless of the sleep training. Even without sleep training, he is crying for every nap. Please stop focusing on the sleep training"

He is crying because he is unable to verbalise his fear in any other way.
Think about it. You leave him down, let him get upset, pop back in, leave, pop back in, your stress and your husbands stress will be felt plus his own cortisol levels will be through the roof.

If you had an really awful day as an adult - a breakup, a bad argument - all you would want to do would be to calm yourself down and regulate your emotions. Your baby cannot do that so he is very afraid. Get your husband to find a hot desk or better earphones and use a sling, co-sleep or get one of those backpack things so he can find walks more interesting. Good luck. first time round we are all clueless. Just accept the messiness of learning to parent. It is not perfect.

@MooseBreath

But he cries regardless of the sleep training. Even without sleep training, he is crying for every nap. Please stop focusing on the sleep training.

Then there’s something else going on. He’s in pain or discomfort. You need to see the GP.

Could it be colic or a milk allergy?

@AiryFairyMum

Could you talk us through the crying for naps thing? I'm not sure I understand?

Yes this.

What’s happening at naps?

You feed him to sleep then transfer him to crib, he sleeps for 40 minutes and then wakes up crying?

I would cut the feed to sleep association. I know people on MN might say it’s fine and natural, but he’s likely waking because he falls asleep in one situation and stirs in another and gets a fright because he’s not where he fell asleep.

This blog helped me a lot. There is a book but I never bought it, I just went back through her posts and found information that was useful to me. It uses gentler methods, rocking, white noise etc but graduates up to controlled crying if things don’t improve, which I would say is pretty sensible. Ultimate aim is getting baby to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep on their own. Did it with my three kids, one of whom was a terrible sleeper and it worked for all.

Headphones for DH with a little microphone in the cable.

@myshoelaces

White noise, swaddle, dummy, pram, sling. So many other things to try than letting a tiny baby cry. I don't understand why people have babies and haven't thought through the fact that babies don't sleep through generally for quite a long time. And then just go well fuck it, it's inconveniencing my life so they can just scream.

What a twatish comment. I’m assuming OP didn’t envisage a global pandemic requiring her other half to work from home when she decided to get herself pregnant.

Ultimate aim is getting baby to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep on their own.

But this can happen with absolutely no training or tears when the child is developmentally ready

You take the batteries out of the compartment in their backs and put them on a shelf.
Mother of a two year old, cable pulling, mouse stealing, keyboard punching little angel...

OP I'm not going to comment on how you sleep train or don't. I'm past that stage with my kids and can't claim to remember it.

However I must say that babies will cry. I sympathise with your husband but he must know this. I am not sure why he is making this yours and the baby's problem. The baby can't stop crying instantly and you can't make the baby stop crying instantly. It seems to me that you are being very hard on yourself and your baby when actually this is your husband's job to fix as part of figuring out how not to work from the office. Yes - it is hard. But telling you to stop the baby crying is about as effective as you telling him to stop Coronavirus making his office closed. The easiest thing to change is where he is/how he deals with it I'm afraid.

@MooseBreath hang in there!

My DS was very similar to what you describe. To be honest, I didn't sleep train him until he was 18 months... by then I had reached rock bottom & was working 3 days/ week.

I would seriously consider stopping for now. Your DS is still a young baby. But what I would do is wearing him out. Plenty of fresh air, lots of things to look at even if it's just trees, ducks or leavs! If nothing else, he will hopefully have a little nap during daytime.