Just to offer up the flip side to this @LadySeaThing*, I too think I’ve spent my whole life with undiagnosed autism, I have one child diagnosed and one on the waiting list.
A specialist HV told me that autism can actually present as anxiety, especially in girls and worsening in the teen years. It’s the pressure of struggling socially and masking at school and always feeling different from their peers.
This idea of not pursuing a diagnosis because someone’s struggles are “mild” and they can do a pretty good job of passing as NT is so pervasive. But a diagnosis doesn’t have to be a lifelong burden. It’s a path to self-understanding and self-acceptance. Oh, I’m not a rubbish human being, I’m just autistic! If I could get assessed tomorrow I would.
It saddens me that there’s still such negative beliefs around neurodiversity and getting formally diagnosed, that spending a life undiagnosed but struggling is considered better, because you don’t have that dreaded “label”.
Anyway, that’s not a criticism of you personally. You’re probably in the majority as a parent smile I just think that all autism deserves to be diagnosed, instead of brushing the “mild” cases under the carpet.*
Haworthia i think you misunderstand me a bit, though I take your views on board. I think the opposite to you - I don't think it's at all pervasive or common to avoid a diagnosis because it's mild. What I see is people informally diagnosing each others' kids all the time and many parents pushing and pushing for a diagnosis until they get one. That doesn't mean I don't think people should get a diagnosis if they have ASD and if it will help them - but I also think that the diagnosis itself can make coping more difficult (in some cases).
It's absolutely not about "You can pass as NT so don't get a diagnosis". I am not interested in passing as NT, nor "passing off" my kids as NT. But I do think the categories matter less than is often made out, in the mild/borderline situation. I do worry that it's almost no longer possible to just be shy, awkward, geeky, a bit of an oddball etc - you must have ASD.
That is not me running away from it - if it was clear that a diagnosis helped, I wouldn't try to avoid it. But I know that my DD would find it exteremely distressing and it would add to her anxiety. She hates any kind of special treatment or label - not because she wants to be "normal" NT as such because she hates being singled out and having special attention paid to her, having to be taken out of class for appointments, etc.
I also feel that many, many people, people who are NT or normal or whatever you call them, have social difficulties, anxieties and trouble managing emotions, and that "masking" is a normal activity for almost every human. We all have to learn to mask.
Again that doesn't mean she is or isn't NT, and yes of course anxiety can look like ASD and vice versa, and of course they're often both present. It means I have to balance what's right for her at the moment. I try to keep the lines of discussion open with my DC. We talk about ASD traits, people we know with ASD, and how we find various things difficult ourselves in that way. If or when either of them feel it's something they want to look into for themselves, I'll support them.
I have been different and "weird" my whole life in some ways - not just ASD ways. I've also learned many useful skills and coping methods and am quite successful. I am absolutely not negative about neurodiversity. But I am reluctant to be like so many people I know and pursue diagnoses exhaustively.
And I am a leetle bit tired of being told it presents differently in girls. I know.