Opinions on teen parents?

[whiningndwining]

How do you perceive teen parents? Does your opinion change based on gender / age / planned or unplanned pregnancy / benefits etc?

Just curious! x

[quote whiningndwining]@Sunshineandsparkle Thank you for your opinion! I guess I agree on the unplanned pregnancy part, as well as that people who haven't had a lot of life experience might be missing out on the fun / wild bits of being young. If I'm honest, from what I've seen I think the wild times are starting younger (though who knows if they're ending younger, too!) but I definitely get your perspective. Thank you for sharing![/quote]
I wouldn’t say I’m just talking about wild times or parties. When you’re in your twenties and living independently and travelling, you can do whatever you want. If there are drinks after work, you go. If there’s a girls holiday, or you want to stay in bed until 2pm or buy that ridiculously expensive pair of shoes, or go to the cinema last minute, pull an all nighter before work, drink wine with friends on a weeknight. These are all things that you can do and enjoy without having to think when you’re in your twenties. You have full freedom away from parents and without having to be rushing home to look after children. Then there’s the guilt of being away from them if you’re working or even out enjoying yourself. You’ll question what you spend on yourself as the dc will always need something, or you’ll want to put money away for savings for them or school fees. When you have dc, you’ll always think of them and what is best for them first. That’s why your twenties are important, they’re your time to have fun and put yourself first. As at that age, you’re educated, you’ll also be earning enough to be able to do all the things you want.

@Mangofandangoo Haha thank you for your comment! It's interesting to hear women who've had children later on in life be in favour of younger mums - obviously, a bit of a generalisation but people usually advocate for things based on personal experience. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts though, it's good to hear a positive view on being a younger mum! x

Oh sod off, because she does. What is the point of that comment

Because OP wasn't asking for perspectives or experiences on being a teen mum and how people found it, she asked for opinions on teen mums, which is different.

I'm very happy to share my experiences where posters are genuine, but I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask what they're trying to achieve by asking for everyone's opinions on a particularly vulnerable subset of young women before deciding whether to open up to them about my own experience.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I mean I suppose in my opinion I don't necessarily see it as "losing years." I.e. mums in their thirties aren't losing those years to their children necessarily, as they've had time beforehand and will have time afterwards for non-child-related pursuits. I'm not advocating for being a teen mum either honestly, I guess for my own situation I see it as doing the thing I'm most passionate about first and then having a lot of time with no breaks to decide what I want the rest of my life to look like (obviously, children never go away, but hopefully you understand what I mean!)

I became a mum at 21 ( so a couple of years older ). I personally loved the experience. And quite like the fact that when I'm 40 they'll be adults.
I did get some judgement from midwives sometimes who would ask are you up to date on your smears ? Id say i havent had one yet and they'll give me a look and say ohhh okay ! This was slightly worse when I had my 2nd child before 21. I would say planned and unplanned makes no difference your either irresponsible or told your making the wrong decision.
It helps to be financially stable to give your baby everything you want to.
All in all I wouldnt change the age I had my babies ! All the best OP

@Sunshineandsparkle I understand what you mean. If you don't mind me asking, are you a mum who's passed her twenties? I only ask because I think it is easy to see your youth as a slightly more glamorised version when you're dealing with motherhood past your twenties - i.e. if I'm being honest I'd rather have a baby be sick on me than a twenty-four year old stranger who drank too much Jack Daniels hahaha! But I'm not a person who necessarily enjoys the partying lifestyle, and if I ever did, I'd still probably have my 30s/40s if I were really keen.

Second child before 25 *

@LonginesPrime I can understand where you're coming from. I'm very very happy and appreciative of any young mums who are willing to contribute their experiences, that would be brilliant. I guess I'd like to hear first-hand experiences, as well as second-hand opinions as they're both interesting pieces of information. Not sure how to phrase it right, I think I'm just a bit left-brained and love information ahaha.

I agree Only, I have a 19 year old DS and yes, I would be very disappointed if he & his GF (who is lovely) had a baby so young. There is so much more to life than having babies and plenty of time in the future to have children, I didn't have a child until I was 42 which I know is considered 'old' by many but I am so grateful I had those years to study, travel, try different careers, have some fabulous experiences etc etc without being tied to needing to earn a living to provide for my family. Yes I know there are women who get six degrees, travel the world on a donkey, win the Nobel Peace Prize whilst raising a family but, let's have honest, most us won't do that. .

And I know of more than one teenage parent where the child (ren) have ended up in care with all the long term devastation that you can imagine. .

I think it is sad that someone so young sees 'having a baby' as so important at that age .... surely there are other experiences you would want in life?

It's not all about partying in your 20s.

It is also maybe about

• progressing a career
• travelling places
• going to cinema / theatre / meals / bowling / etc
• being with friends, BBQs etc
• getting some savings behind you

Also about learning to manage your own home, dealing with adversity, growing up, becoming who you are.

@bunnyrabbit93 I guess I'm a bit scared of stigma in the medical field! There is a lot of pressure to go above-and-beyond when it comes to knowledge, as I don't want to be treated badly for being on the younger side (whether it comes to pregnancy, birth or raising children etc). Thank you for your experience though, it's nice to hear you can have children young and still be having a pleasant time haha! xx

I became a Mum at 18 and my daughter is nearly 18 herself now. While everything worked out fine for me, it was really hard work and much harder than it may have been had I had her later on in life. I did everything backwards but now at 36, my friends and I are all at a similar point in life.

Plus side is dealing with the teen years in your 30s. They have been painful with my eldest and I dont think I'd have had the energy to deal with them in my 50s!!

[quote whiningndwining]@Sunshineandsparkle I understand what you mean. If you don't mind me asking, are you a mum who's passed her twenties? I only ask because I think it is easy to see your youth as a slightly more glamorised version when you're dealing with motherhood past your twenties - i.e. if I'm being honest I'd rather have a baby be sick on me than a twenty-four year old stranger who drank too much Jack Daniels hahaha! But I'm not a person who necessarily enjoys the partying lifestyle, and if I ever did, I'd still probably have my 30s/40s if I were really keen.[/quote]
I am 32 now. I was married at 27, dc1 at 29, dc2 at 31 and I’ll have dc3 at 32. I’m in the throes of babies and toddlers and I miss the freedom I had in my twenties. I know I’ll get it back when my dc are older but I’ll never be rid of adult responsibilities. I’ll be more advanced at work, I’ll be helping adult dc to get on the property ladder etc. Even though I’ll have the freedom to do what I want, now I have dc, I’ll never again be in a position where I can put myself and my own needs and wants first without considering those around me. I wouldn’t say I have a glamourised version of my youth as it wasn’t that long ago 😂. It does feel like a long time ago at times though...

Well, it's not usually ideal from a financial/ stability standpoint but at 19 you are a legal adult, it's hardly a case of babies having babies. Still, while you still have a choice, I'd say leave it a couple of years at least just for a bit of freedom, life experience, independence.

@Ragwort There are definitely experiences I still want - but I imagine you as a slightly older-than-me mum also have things you still want to experience? If there's ever a point where I don't feel like that then I guess I'll be stagnating a bit.

I'm not necessarily making extra sacrifices (any more than any mother would), I guess it's just doing my life the other way around is all!

I'm 30 (which probably seems ancient to you!) and having my first child.
Each to their own but the main advice I can give you is hold off even a couple of years) No matter how mature you think you are, you're still really young & haven't had all the opportunities yet to develop a career or travel or just enjoy being young!
I made a lot of mistakes & memories in my 20s and learnt from them all & there's no way I could have done half of it with a child. To put it in perspective, 2 friends of mine had children at your age & their opportunities to see the world or even a spontaneous night out were a lot more limited. They've never really been able to move away from family support. Now obviously they wouldn't change their children for the world but they have said they wished they waited.
Hold off a little while longer girl! There's a big world out there & grab it with two hands while you can cos as soon as a baba arrives their needs will always come first!! No judgement of whatever you decide to do of course, I just think when you are older you might wish you had a chance to do certain things before a baby came along

I would think "what a waste." And feel sorry for both mother and child.

@danadas Would you have your child(ren) older if you could? Do the cons outweigh the pros when it comes to being a younger mum, or is it the other way around?

I guess I'm keen on having a lot of energy, as well as being able to spend a lot of time with my children (and be able to provide a lot of help if they decide to have grandchildren down the line).

My parents were 20 and 23 respectively when they had my sister and then me. Back then people generally were younger mothers, having first babies in your 30’s and even late twenties was almost unheard of,

The plus side of that was that parents and children were not too many years apart, so parents were able to play a far more active part in the lives of their grandchildren, and to a large extent get much of their life back by the time they reached their 40’s.

On the downside 19 is incredibly young to have a baby, especially to plan one, when most of the people around you are not. It’s likely that your own age group will no longer have anything in common with you, and older people will assume that your pregnancy was either unplanned or that you were incredibly stupid to plan a baby this soon in life.

Having said that, I believe that parents choosing to have babies later and later in life means that we run the risk that the next generation of children will be grandparentless, and it is sad that many of those relationships will just never happen to a huge degree.

I would say that anyone should be solvent and not reliant on the state if they’re planning to have a baby. And I say that of someone who is 20 or 45.

I had my first at 18, pregnant at 17 unplanned. My advice....wait a good few years. I love my kids and never thought I would resent being a young mum. In some ways its good, but I missed out on a lot of stuff that I can't go back and do now.

@allhappeningatonce I definitely get you! Thank you for sharing an opinion against being a young mum while also keeping it quite positive! If I'm honest, I think I thrive best when I'm quite set on who I am / what I want - I guess, for me personally I feel like I've done quite a bit of the "youthful exploring" (for lack of a better word) and it hasn't really made me happy. If I had little experience, or a very positive experience of the "fun" parts of youth then I might be choosing to wait a while to have children, but so far it's not the case! I'm not shutting off any options just yet though.

Thanks for your thoughts! x

I had mine at 18, 20 and 28. There were definite benefits at 28.
18 - living with parents, doing A levels, working part time in a supermarket, we moved in together in a rented bungalow while I was pregnant (wouldn't have moved in together so quickly had I not been I doubt)
20 - now working right on the bottom rung of what became my career so low paid, bought a house at 8 months pregnant, didnt qualify for full maternity pay, absolutely skint
28 - progressed well through career, more disposable income, 11 months maternity mostly full pay, more relaxed and laidback parenting (that could just be experience though)

So definite benefits when older but I have been fortunate not to have had to deal with any relationship breakups, unemployment or serious health issues etc.

Sorry completely failed at the reply function!!

I'm not sure about your comment about being financially stable at 14/15 with alot of training behind you? How can that be? For one thing that age is below the age of consent.
But as for 19 year olds in general, I would think that is so young and they'd hardly started living. I think after the initial joy the sheer drudgery of having a baby would sink in - many of their friends would be off on their first job and university, going out and being spontaneous- you can't do that with a baby. Sure you can work and go to uni, but you then cone home to your other job of being a parent, which is full time and expensive if you need childcare.
I'd really think twice and three times.
Financial stability is paramount too - it's hard work being a parent, and pretty miserable if you don't know if you can pay your bills let alone enjoy a day or night out.
I think 28-32 is a good time, if you are in a stable relationship, have a good few years work experience and life experience. You will still be a relatively young mother, and when your kids leave you at 18 you will be in your 50s with plenty of time and energy to do more things.

My mum had me when she was 17. She was a good mum but life was hard and she spent it constantly running to catch up.

She didn’t regret her choices but I knew she didn’t want me to have children young.

She had a massive ‘midlife’ crisis in her 30s and overly compensated for her kisses youth.