What age did you stop staying in DC's room until they fell asleep?

[Cosypyjamaface]

As the title says, usually we stay with DD until she falls asleep. What age did you move to "night night" and just leave them to it?

DS1 He is 9 and I am still hugging him to sleep! He does have special needs though.

DS2 He is 8 months and has been falling asleep on his own in his own room since 6 months.

I would say it is hugely dependent on the child.

Never. DSD (now seven) is happy to be left alone though she absolutely loves to be able to hear us chatting /making noise. She has always fallen asleep happily like since I’ve been around (age 18 months ish)

I'm still doing it with my nearly 4, but it's like 15 minutes of the best cuddles of the day so I really don't mind.

As a kid my mum was of the kiss and leave school of thought, and I never went to sleep for hours. I remember still been awake and hearing her go the bed most nights. No wonder I was always tired. I'd rather help my kids get the sleep they need.

My 7yo still negotiates with me every night about how long I'll sit with him!

Age around 10 but child not NT and very anxious around bedtime. Before the days of mobile phones too so I had some pretty boring evenings. Didn't last into the teenage years though.
Other child went through one or two needy phases when small but not in the same league!

Dd screams when you say bedtime. I sit with her, sometimes she cries, sometimes she wriggles but she falls asleep within 20 minutes now (thank goodness, the last few months have been a struggle)

My son was 7 when I could stop being in his room. I do sometimes sit on his bed with him for a minute or the dog goes in with him now and he's happy with that. He has additional needs so needed one of us in with him until he felt comfortable.

We never really did once he was in his own room (was tres smug), then at about 2.5 he had a massive regression and for 4 months I lay on his floor until he slept.

This is an I interesting thread, it's something I've long wondered myself. Do safer sleeping guidelines sometimes prevent children learning to self settle?

One of us has to be with our 3 year old, if we left her she was always out of her bed and mucking around. She's always had loads of energy and sometimes finds it hard to switch off.

My 1 year old is completely different, could self settle at 5 or 6 months. Unfortunately, they share a room and I can no longer leave her to self settle if her older sibling is gadding about, so we now sit with them til they sleep. I'm not really happy about it, had some success with a rewards chart at bedtime for the eldest so going to try that for independent sleep.

Moving house, chasing childcare, and general lockdown stress has not been good for sleep routines though.

Almost 3 and we are still in the bedroom

Had to VERY rarely. Only when he was unwell or had a nightmare. Never encouraged it.

I didn't with my older 2. But I still stay now with my younger 2 who are 5 &7. DS3 has SN, they share a room. Just never quite felt comfortable with leaving them. It's also the time when DS3 will start sharing his worries (DS4 falls asleep like a cat!).

Totally agree with this!
The parents create the problem but of course it's not parenting just luck
The "smug parents are just lucky" crap gets rolled out every time.
So good parenting makes no difference-yeah right
Mine were with me until 10/11 months, then in their own room.
I didn't leave my young babies to cry nor abandon them in the Savannah 😂😂😂

@cosycatsocks

To all the posters pointing out we are not in the savannah any more, maybe not but you can undo evolution overnight. And yes I do judge people who leave babies to cry. You're a parent, they need you, stop being so selfish and self centred.

What on earth is selfish about giving a child a cuddle, reading them a story and putting them in a warm, comfortable, safe bed and letting them fall asleep!?

You sound incredibly bitter that some people have managed to help their children learn to cope without them.

I was replying to a quote but it's disappeared-essentially yes I agree that the parents create the problem

Userxx you know what.. I haven't set a deadline! I do occasionally gently bring up if she wants to go to sleep by herself and then let her decide. There have been times that she seemed keen to do it but then changed her mind. And funnily enough this evening she did go to sleep on her own with a CD on. I told her that I would just be in the room next door and she was happy with that. So it's a start. I really do not think she wants me to lie next to her when she is a teen!

We did have quite a few sleep training failures when she was a baby and toddler, so much so that I just realised it wasn't worth the upset. I wasn't willing to let her cry for hours on end until she got sick, night after night! And we do have a routine at bedtime! Some babies (at least the ones on Mumsnet it seems) are just easier I think.

Even my son was easy for a while. From age 1 to 2 I could just say goodnight and leave him awake in his cot. He then changed from one day to the next and refused to go to sleep on his own! So for some time I used to lie with him too! Now as he is older he can put himself to sleep no problem, but also appreciates bonding time with his dad whilst drifting to sleep.

All kids are different and you do what works in your family. Some of the posts on this thread are just super smug but I suppose you get that on the highly contested sleep/ leaving to cry topic.

Oh I’ve completely fucked up with dd. She’s 10 and I’m still sitting with her.
Though to be fair she did used to go to bed ok when she was younger (never perfect but didn’t need me there)
We’ve got into a bad habit because I’m quite happy to lie there and read my book but now she can’t fall asleep alone and has a massive panic if I’m not there.

@RowboatsinDisguise

Is anyone has worked out how to make a baby ‘drowsy but awake’ I’d bloody love to know.

OK.

Anybody can do it, its like a short relaxation technique. Babies are very susceptible.

Think of that hippy saying "tune in and tune out."

In the quiet room where baby is going to sleep, close the curtains, turn off the light. Standing up; hold the baby almost upright facing and against your body, arm under his bum, other hand supporting him against your chest. He can sense your heart beat, and mood. You are going to tune yourself and him out of day mode and into a mutual calm relaxation.

Inwardly, make that good intention to yourself.

Very slowly almost unnoticably sway on your feet. Close your eyes and slow your breathing right down. Now empty your head of all thoughts . Don't think about anything, Take your time, there is no hurry. Time is winding down. Slow, slow breathing.

Your mind is empty , adrift . Your breathing is slow, calm, very comfortable. Baby is tuning in to you and connecting to that slow, soothing floaty calm. You will feel when he is relaxed and drowsy and ready for sleep. There, that didn't take long. Put him in the cot, cover him, and quietly leave.

I've never done this.

At around 14 months. Gave her her milk, put her down drowsy and sometimes seemingly wide awake. I would leave the room and if she was still awake (checked on video monitor) after a few minutes would go back in, but usually she would go to sleep. She wouldn't go to sleep if I never left the room.

@Socialdistancing my youngest is 10 and I do this with her too. Tbh I like it, we both lay there reading then she nods off and sometimes I stay until I've finished my chapter or longer if I'm cosy. I did it with my 2 older DC too, and eventually it just petered our around 12/13.

@DarkHelmet that’s reassuring. Dh gets a bit pissed off at being left alone but dd is getting better at going up to her room for a while before I go into her a bit later on so we get a chance to see each other!
My younger child has no trouble falling asleep by himself thank goodness!

I never stayed in the room with my DD until she was completely asleep.. but I read her a few books and sing her a song every night and she is 4 :) I work full time so sometimes this is the only time I make it last :) maybe start trying a song? Then if she stirs in the night quick baa baa black sheep might do the trick of helping her sleep instead of having to be there until she falls to sleep completely

Social I really quite enjoy that time of day! It's all chilled and quiet, she goes to sleep happy. She's fine on sleepovers with friends/family, and my older DC are 25 and 22 now and they turned out perfectly fine! I've always done what suits us though, it's not for everyone but if it works for you then it's all good 😊

As a regular every night thing, no. In times of sickness or teething I have stayed until they’ve fallen asleep (mainly my dd, her dt brother doesn’t need me to stay so often!) and they’re 2.5 now. I am extremely lucky though, they’ve on the whole been good sleepers and there’s two of them so they already have company without my being there.

I guess that’s a perk of parenting twins and a downside of being a twin for them - I can’t rub their backs or lie with them both at the same time!

Never did it.