What age did you stop staying in DC's room until they fell asleep?

[Cosypyjamaface]

As the title says, usually we stay with DD until she falls asleep. What age did you move to "night night" and just leave them to it?

[HarrietM87]

@DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes

Some of you seem to not understand that there is a vast area of grey between throwing a wide awake screaming child through their bedroom door and slamming it shut leaving them to howl for hours (possibly screaming "shut up" at them occasionally) and spending hours stroking, rocking, cuddling unable to leave the room until they are totally sound asleep.
Do I think it is partly luck if you have a good sleeper yes but I also think that you can contribute to them sleeping well. From tiny mine was in a mosses basket in which ever room I was in and I saw the sleep patterns and worked with them. From days old he would fall asleep at about 8pm so I made that bedtime when we progressed to "putting him to bed" rather than him being a newborn that slept as and when. We had a good routine, unwind, bath, milk, cuddle, story, lullaby and then I left the room. Sometimes he was already asleep, sometimes he was awake and would fall asleep pretty quickly other times he would be awake longer and I would pop back in to reassure him I was around but I wouldn't just stay indefinitely. Even at six months old I would say night night Mummy is going now rather than "disappearing". He was never "left" to cry but it might take a minute or two to get to him if I was downstairs. I genuinely think that this ability to get to sleep without me being next him helped him "sleep through" because if he stirred in the night it was a shock that I wasn't there.

Well some of you seem not to understand that all children are different and since it’s impossible to rerun experiences with the same child in two different ways, you have absolutely no idea whether stuff your child does is thanks to your amazing parenting or actually just luck.

[Puffthemagicdragongoestobed]

"Well some of you seem not to understand that all children are different and since it’s impossible to rerun experiences with the same child in two different ways, you have absolutely no idea whether stuff your child does is thanks to your amazing parenting or actually just luck."
This!
Had I noticed that my presence next to my daughter actually distracted her from going to sleep I would have stopped the practice ages ago. I think as a parent you are pretty tuned into your child's needs and act accordingly. After several failed attempts of sleep training when she was younger I am intent to make her bedtime a calm and positive experience, which, in our case, involves me sitting with her or being close by.

[Russiandolleyes]

DS 16 months
DD1 11 months
DD2 9 months

[QuiteCleanBandit2020]

The thing is Harriet it's common sense that if you set your child's sleep cues as needing a parent sitting by them for 2 hours until they fall asleep this is what they will need.
Our children look to us for their cues and what's normal.
How on earth can people think they have so little influence on their children?
It's frightening !!

[HalleLouja]

Most nights until she was around 7.... She did used to fall asleep quickly. She was Dc2, never did it with Dc1. But then he takes forever to drop off......

[DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes]

@HarrietM87
"Do I think it is partly luck if you have a good sleeper yes"
Despite quoting it you appear to have missed this part. Luck is definitely a factor. But I do think that taking note of what time a child goes to sleep and timing bedtime with their natural sleep rhythm rather than trying to impose an arbitrary bedtime on them helps. We absolutely were lucky with how well he slept at night (naps were a whole other story!) but my sister decided that 6 o'clock was bedtime and wouldn't shift from that because she wanted the evenings as adult time but she was spending three plus hours trying to get DN to sleep she eventually shifted bedtime to later and found it was a lot quicker because DN was actually ready to sleep. Every child is different and what works for one is not guaranteed to work for another but the implication that anyone who isn't sitting with their child/children until they are asleep is leaving a crying baby is totally false.

[seashoreseashore]

DD is 7 years old now and I still do, not every night but most. Life is busy and time flys... she's also my last baby and we both love it

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

Never really done it. Even as a small baby, DS found my presence too stimulating and distracting and it kept him awake rather than soothing him.

[TheVeryHungryTortoise]

Never did routinely either. I did try for a few days around 9 months but just found that it made him more excited, so I quickly stopped again.

[Staplemaple]

Once in his own room at about 6 months, I'd pop him in his cot and he usually self settled, so id sit in my room next door just for a bit and usually he dropped off pretty quick. As he got a bit older I'd pop him in and then leave him to it unless he got upset etc. Leaving a child in their room alone doesn't mean they're crying or it is cruel.

[20viona]

My daughter has just turned one but we have never done this as I didn't want to get in this routine. Put her down, door shut goodnight.

[ParisianLady]

We've never done with with either child, but I was pretty keen to encourage self soothing and luckily both children obliged.

Eldest can be left with the light on and doing a quiet activity and she'll get herself to bed when she's ready. Youngest better with the light off and in bed.

[HarrietM87]

Yeah @DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes I didn’t say at any point that those with easy babies were leaving them to cry. Quite the opposite. And I didn’t miss where you said it’s “partly luck”. If it’s partly luck then you clearly think it’s partly parental influence. My point is that sometimes (in many cases) absolutely nothing a parent does makes any difference whatsoever, for better or worse.

[DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes]

"I didn’t say at any point that those with easy babies were leaving them to cry." @HarrietM87 you didn't but others did. If nothing the parent does makes any difference than why stay with them? Of course what the parents do makes a difference or what is point of staying in their room? Some people are saying they are still sitting with junior school ages children why? Because that is what the child is used to e.g. it their routine so why does routine count when it comes to staying but not when it comes to self settling?

[Mamimawr]

Never. I put them in the cot in a dark room, said good night, love you and walked out closing the door behind me. They never cried themselves to sleep. If one of them cried I would go back to settle them again.

[Leah00]

I guess it's just that evaluating 'success' of parenting based on sleeping through or 'good sleeping' is rather one-sided. It can happen that children don't call out for their parents anymore because they know they can't call on them for the support/ the oxytocin from closeness that they need. They've learned to adapt to their parents expectations and don't call out even though they are not calm or happy. I think a PP recalled just that feeling from their childhood. Everyone needs to do what's right for their family and situation but to me it would be a priority to prevent something like that from happening. So I would do those kinds of parenting interventions that prioritise the DC's trust in me and our bond, not the ones that get the 'best' (defined as least difficult for the parents) sleep behaviour. I think it's the former where parenting makes the more important difference

[willbeback]

Like many posters on here, I have never, with any of my DC, done this. Just plonk them in their cots and walk out.

[Staplemaple]

@Leah00 fucking hell, want to be any more judgemental?

[riotlady]

DD is 2 and I cuddle her to sleep every night, takes about 20 minutes and is usually the best hit of my day

[Leah00]

Apologies I didn't mean to come across as judgemental at all. I completely believe each family must do what's right for them, we're all in different boats etc. When I was at that stage though with DD1, where everyone pushes you to sleep train and get sleep consultants etc, it would have helped me to hear from someone that the situation I described is something that can happen (in fact it's what you're 'training' them to do surely-to not bother you at night), that all the supposed 'sleep problems' are often actually totally normal sleep for children, and that there are more important things to parenting than how hour DC sleep.

[riotlady]

*bit

[waterjungle]

First DS - 18 months old perhaps, he is now 4 . On some occasions he actually says, I'm tired I need to go to bed! I have let him sleep sometimes to see how long he would and he is still snoring at 9:30am!
Second DS is nearly 2, has never slept more than 4 hours consecutively yet and will scream until he is sick if we leave the room before he is asleep.
We have done exactly the same routine with both of them. One is just an absolute shite sleeper while the other is Rip Van Winkle!

[CarlottaValdez]

Like many posters on here, I have never, with any of my DC, done this. Just plonk them in their cots and walk out.

But did they never cry? Mine would have gone hysterical with this approach. I guess they all have their own personalities.

[willbeback]

@CarlottaValdez if they cried, I'd go back in, settle them, and walk out again, and repeat this process as often as I needed to. When I say I settled them, it was literally just a kiss, give a dummy and/or comforter, and a "night night love you" and walk out. But mostly they just fell asleep on their own.

I never did CIO. It's not my style.

[CarlottaValdez]

Oh I feel a bit better now (I was very envious)! I thought you meant plonk them in their cots, walk out and get on with your evening.