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Original poster

I massively lost my shit with ds

272 replies

NastyOldBag · 13/03/2020 20:08

And now I feel awful.

He’s 7yo and it’s the first time I’ve ever been absolutely furious with him. I’ve just split up from Dh and with that and the stress of trying to keep my elderly parents safe and well I’m just done in and exhausted emotionally and physically.

I was doing a little experiment thing with him and ds2 where you put pepper in water and show how soap moves it (trying to encourage hand washing). I was in the middle of chatting to dc’s about it and ds1 just decided to leave the room. I said
‘Ds can you come back?’ and he just ignored me and went and sat in the sitting room. I sat next to him and told him that he can’t just walk out, if he’s not interested in something, I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to do it but he needs to just say so before he walks out of the room. He continues to ignore me and picks up his Yugioh cards. I said ‘ds, I’m talking to you, can you at least respond to acknowledge you can hear me’. He says ‘whatever’ and points to the door signalling me to go, something Dh did and which I used to absolutely hate. I told him that was really rude and that he needed to apologise immediately or he’d be in big trouble. He rolls his eyes and says ‘whatever, just go and play with your pepper’. At this point I just lost it and grabbed his cards out of his hand and threw them out of the window.

Ds is now finally asleep having sobbed about his cards for a good 40 minutes. They immediately blew all over the garden, it’s absolutely pouring down outside and I refused to let him out to get them. He gets £4 a week pocket money which is enough to buy a pack of 5 cards. I threw about 50 out of the window, he’s been collecting them for months.

I now feel absolutely horrible. He’s due to see his dad tomorrow and I know he’s going to complain about me to him. He goes to a yugioh club after school once a week and now won’t be able to go as he has no cards. His parents are splitting up and I’ve just thrown his favourite thing in the world out of the window.

Should I go and see if any are salvageable?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2020 20:10

Yes.

Sorry you’re all having such a tough time but that was quite an escalation.

SweepTheHalls · 13/03/2020 20:10

I would, but also he was being very rude and you were bit in the wrong for telling him off!

CodenameVillanelle · 13/03/2020 20:11

Yes you should.
I don't judge you, I have lost my shit with DS when I was in the midst of splitting from his dad, and he absolutely needed you to come down like a ton of bricks on that behaviour but throwing the cards was a mistake.

£4 a week for a 7 year old is a lot of pocket money!

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DisorganisedOrganiser · 13/03/2020 20:12

Yes, go and have a look.

Can you see if you can buy some more on Amazon?

SirusTheVirus · 13/03/2020 20:13

I think this is going to cost you about £40 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m not gonna judge your reaction because I’m about as perfect as you are but I do think you need to fix it.

Have an unmumnetty hug 🤗

mouldyoldonkey · 13/03/2020 20:14

Poor kid! Surely he should have the freedom to leave and enter rooms in his own house whenever he fancies?

Catting · 13/03/2020 20:14

Go and at least try to save the cards, then he will see that you tried. Xx

mouldyoldonkey · 13/03/2020 20:14

And yes, you should replace the cards if he has paid for them with his own pocket money.

CodenameVillanelle · 13/03/2020 20:15

Umm no he shouldn't. He's 7. He doesn't have the right to get up and walk out when his mum is talking to him. And did you miss the rest of his behaviour??

HappyHammy · 13/03/2020 20:16

Maybe he is also upset about you splitting up, he doesnt understand. Of course you should collect the cards and clean them up. Poor boy, it sounds a tough time for everyone. You need to try and replace the ruined cards and say sorry.

Halfeatentoast · 13/03/2020 20:16

If I'm truly honest I would probably have done the same, but yes you should go find the ones you can. It's hard though and I feel for you.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 13/03/2020 20:17

Yes, you should salvage any you can and fund replacements. This was a ticking off offence, maybe missing his club. No excuse for destroying his most treasured possessions in a temper tantrum. You owe him an apology as well.

All that said, assuming this is out of character for you, I’d take it as a sign that you’re stretched beyond your limits and invest whatever you can in some self care - maybe some counselling or a few days away to recharge.

mouldyoldonkey · 13/03/2020 20:17

Just because he’s a child doesn’t mean he should be controlled to that extent or treated like a prisoner. She was showing him a trick, he wasn’t interested. It’s not like he walked out of a serious discussion or punishment.

InArrears · 13/03/2020 20:18

Apologise for your behaviour and buy him new cards.

I had to teach myself not to react to things like this. I would definitely have over reacted when DC started push my buttons like this, but I've learned to leave things now. Use, humour, deep breaths, and count to 10 (or 100 if necessary). Next time, just carry on with DC2, he might come back to join in the fun, he might not.

chuck7 · 13/03/2020 20:18

See if you can salvage any. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. You definitely over reacted but I understand why. Flowers You'll work it out together, chat to him in the morning.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/03/2020 20:19

You're only human so don't beat yourself up over this. However, I do think you need to apologise for your reaction, while at the same time explain that his disrespect and disobedience will not be tolerated. You got very upset, you overreacted, but his behaviour was equally as unacceptable. From there, you can work out solutions together.

Cherrysherbet · 13/03/2020 20:20

You are having a tough time, but so is he. His mum and dad just split up, cut him some slack.

That was a really mean thing to do. I would replace the cards for him, and then have a chat with him about the situation. It’s affecting him too.

He was rude, but you are the adult here op. I doubt he can cope with over the top responses any more that you can atm.

MaomiMak · 13/03/2020 20:20

Sorry but the pepper experiment sounded boring.
You went batshit over nothing and then escalated it to destroying property he spent his pocket money on over months.

Christ. Sounds like something my mother would have done. Shouted and thrown things because she felt disrespected

Cheeseisformice · 13/03/2020 20:22

No I wouldn't. He needs to learn from now to respect you. Mirroring his dad's disrespectful behaviour is beyond the limits of whats acceptable.

Your reaction wasn't perfect but he caused it and now he knows his actions have consequences.

Don't go running around in the rain. You should apologise for losing your temper but don't buy him anymore until he learns to behave.

Booboostwo · 13/03/2020 20:22

He was very rude and deserved a significant punishment but I think where you went wrong was in reacting in anger. You needed to stay calm, tell him the punishment and give him one chance to apologize and mend his ways before implementing it.

pallisers · 13/03/2020 20:22

He shouldn't have walked out of the room and in my world he was VERY cheeky - but you did massively overreact - sorry. But I have a lot of sympathy. We aren't perfect and every parent, if honest, has had an unreasonable lost it moment (I once threw 2 naked barbies forcibly straight out our back window - 2 stunned and very thoughtful little kids, 1 bemused neighbour.) and these are stressful times - you are dealing with a marriage breakup, a pandemic, elderly parents etc. It is ok to admit you were wrong and to forgive yourself.

I'd go out and see what you can salvage. I would talk to him in the morning. Tell him you were wrong to throw his cards away, that you have salvaged some and you will help him replace the rest. Then say that he also was very cheeky, very uncoperatative and your opinion of that still stands so he needs to understand that he cannot talk to you like that and he must listen when you are giving him important information.

good luck.

I

Slat3 · 13/03/2020 20:23

You need to buy him new cards. You saw red, but he’s going through a difficult time & that’s really sad.

pallisers · 13/03/2020 20:23

Poor kid! Surely he should have the freedom to leave and enter rooms in his own house whenever he fancies?

I know! And he should be able to leave his own house whenever he fancies too. And eat what he wants in his own house. And go to bed whenever he fancies in his own house.

So silly.

GrumpyHoonMain · 13/03/2020 20:24

No don’t salvage them. He can do it himself and clean them up if he genuinely cares. He was really rude and maybe this was the wake up call he needs not to treat you like crap. If he complains about you to his dad then make it clear that in your house it’s your rules.

HappyHammy · 13/03/2020 20:24

If the tipping point was him saying whatever maybe that was reminding you of your ex behavious so it's not really his fault.

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