I massively lost my shit with ds

[NastyOldBag]

And now I feel awful.

He’s 7yo and it’s the first time I’ve ever been absolutely furious with him. I’ve just split up from Dh and with that and the stress of trying to keep my elderly parents safe and well I’m just done in and exhausted emotionally and physically.

I was doing a little experiment thing with him and ds2 where you put pepper in water and show how soap moves it (trying to encourage hand washing). I was in the middle of chatting to dc’s about it and ds1 just decided to leave the room. I said
‘Ds can you come back?’ and he just ignored me and went and sat in the sitting room. I sat next to him and told him that he can’t just walk out, if he’s not interested in something, I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to do it but he needs to just say so before he walks out of the room. He continues to ignore me and picks up his Yugioh cards. I said ‘ds, I’m talking to you, can you at least respond to acknowledge you can hear me’. He says ‘whatever’ and points to the door signalling me to go, something Dh did and which I used to absolutely hate. I told him that was really rude and that he needed to apologise immediately or he’d be in big trouble. He rolls his eyes and says ‘whatever, just go and play with your pepper’. At this point I just lost it and grabbed his cards out of his hand and threw them out of the window.

Ds is now finally asleep having sobbed about his cards for a good 40 minutes. They immediately blew all over the garden, it’s absolutely pouring down outside and I refused to let him out to get them. He gets £4 a week pocket money which is enough to buy a pack of 5 cards. I threw about 50 out of the window, he’s been collecting them for months.

I now feel absolutely horrible. He’s due to see his dad tomorrow and I know he’s going to complain about me to him. He goes to a yugioh club after school once a week and now won’t be able to go as he has no cards. His parents are splitting up and I’ve just thrown his favourite thing in the world out of the window.

Should I go and see if any are salvageable?

Right seriously guys I get it. I know I overreacted, I said so in the OP. I also said I am incredibly stressed. I’m not saying that to justify what I did, I know it was awful. I’ve salvaged what cards I can, ordered some off eBay, I apologised to ds before he went to sleep and I’ll apologise properly in the morning. Please stop now, I’ve already lost it once today and I just don’t want any of this anymore.

Oh OP, you’ve all clearly had a rough time lately and your reaction was OTT, but understandable.

Sometimes, the worst times to get someone to apologise and to correct their behaviour is when they are in the midst of things. Maybe next time let DS, within reason, walk out the room/slam a door/say whatever etc, and then a few hours later discuss it once you both have clear heads?

No what he did was extremely rude, for a 7 year old?? jesus christ

He's lost his cards. Maybe he'll remember not to be so rude next time

don't replace them

To be fair, all he did was lose interest in something that was interesting to you and not to him, then mimic something he's learnt from his dad, who he probably misses.

You need to apologise for your behaviour and try to replace the cards (not always easy given you can't just buy the ones you want).

I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed - you maybe didn't even realise just how stressed until you reacted this way - is anyone supporting you IRL? As well as making things right with your DS, you need to take better care of yourself to avoid getting to this point. It really sounds like you could do with a friend right now.

Sounds like he deserved it tbh. That's completely unacceptable behaviour and needed to be stamped down upon before he ends up treating you like your ex-DH. You didn't hit him or anything. He'll have learned his lesson for next time.

Imagine a teacher had done this to a rude student. They would be in real trouble. They have 25 or 30 to cope with. You are the adult and if you want to continue to have a relationship with your son as he grows up you need to apologise and make amends.

NastyOldBag I’m sorry but this is your thread that you posted, asking for opinions on your behaviour. You’ll have to report it for mumsnet to delete if it’s effecting you so much.

He didnt act that way out of nowhere. He didnt make that behaviour up. He is copying his dad.
That isnt his fault.
His parents have split up. That is a devastating time for a child. The news is full of talk of the virus, schools are talking about it and teaching the kids, then he gets home and you start pissing about with water and pepper; yet more talk of the virus. Of course he wasnt interested.

He shouldn't have just walked off; he should have told you he was going to do something else whilst you finished up. But after that, you followed him and kept going on at him during a moment when he wasnt ready to respond. Being cheeky, saying whatever and pointing at the door... that's how his dad dealt with things he didnt want to talk about. So that's what he did; he has learned from his dad that when you sont want to talk to someone thats what you do. That isnt his fault... and you chucked his cards out the window and didnt even bother to go and get them.

Your behaviours was disgraceful. Your son does need to learn that his father was wrong and he needs to learn the correct way to deal with frustration.... do you think you taught him that?

He's learned disrespect and rudeness from his dad. And he's learned from you that when you're annoyed at someone, you ruin their most loved possession. Poor kid

So if only 12 cards are any good, have you at least got the rest to know what needs replacing?

You parented. Maybe not in the way you would have liked to have done in hindsight but it is done.
The pocket money came from you to start with. I think a zero tolerance for the rudeness and disrespect is a good start to life as a single parent otherwise that becomes a pattern that you aren't going to break him out of at 16.

Actions have consequences. People are more important than possessions. Respect your mother. A fairly educational day for him so really.

Jeez poor kid your reaction was totally extreme you should replace them he's 7 yes he was rude but to destroy something he's spent months collecting is an awful thing to do there are other ways of dealing with these things

Maybe he will remember that the way to teach someone a lessonand get the upper hand is to destroy something that means a lot to them.

Not a lesson I'd want my kids to learn.

Hide the thread OP. You've got what you needed from it, you're stressed out of your mind and you'll fix this Tomorrow will be a better day.

Well op he will most certainly remember not to ignore you or be so rude, you are obviously going through a horrendous time but you cant take it out on the kids because you're angry with your ex. I'd consider counselling because you sound like your punishing your son because he reminds you of ex.he was bang out of order op but your reaction was scary

He got punished for his rude and unacceptable behaviour. Punishments aren't meant to be enjoyable. He's just going to have to suck it up and learn for next time.

OP if you read the posts everyone is pretty much on your side, be kind to yourself here. As I said earlier, the fact you know you overreacted means you are a good mum and you know things will get better.

Hey, these moments happen in every family. You sound like you’ve taken a lot from this situ. It will be a valuable moment for you both and bring you closer in the end.

See if you can see which cards they are. If damaged, eBay will very likely have them x

*The pocket money came from you to start with. I think a zero tolerance for the rudeness and disrespect is a good start to life as a single parent otherwise that becomes a pattern that you aren't going to break him out of at 16.

Actions have consequences. People are more important than possessions. Respect your mother. *

Yes!

OP I hope you're okay.

Parenting is a mine field and people are failing to acknowledge that OP is also going through a tough time. Whilst it's our responsibility to protect our children from such misery and the impact of divorce, we are only human ourselves and we can break at the most unexpected moment. You are not a bad mother, you reacted in a way that you now feel terrible about and have come to talk it out and ask for opinions. That alone indicates to me that you are a good parent. I respect my kids feelings and opinions in the same way I would an adult but you have to draw the line somewhere and acting the way he was, is not acceptable. If you ignored his behaviour it would only escalate into the norm for him. Speak to him about this and tell him why you reacted that way and that it was wrong and you're sorry but he has to be held accountable for his behaviour too. Feel better soon OP. Parenting ain't easy.

In your defense, your DS was incredibly, unacceptably rude to you. I would have lost it, too -- especially if I was in the middle of breaking up with my DH.

You have to figure out how to get through to him that his behavior was to blame. The problem with doing something as drastic as throwing his cards out the window is that he now feels sorry for himself because of YOUR behavior to HIM instead of the other way around. Make him apologize, and tell him that if he behaves well and shows you he understand that treating you so poorly is not acceptable, then you'll help him earn back replacement cards.

Good luck.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time.
Most people have done things in anger that they later regret, it's how you handle it after that counts. A proper apology and replaced cards will help.

To the people saying how rude the child was, yes it was rude but this child has learnt that from their other parent. The right way forwards now is to guide them on being polite, not to punish them for copying.
Children learn by copying, it is literally what every child does.

Personally I would salvage what i could, but his behaviour was really rude. I get he's going through a tough time but so are you and your other ds, he doesnt get the monopoly on being affected by it, and he doesnt get to be rude. I would have a big talk about behaviour and manners, and then I would work on getting him some more cards. But dont apologise too much, he needs to see he was wrong too here. He can learn a very important lesson from this

You have to figure out how to get through to him that his behavior was to blame. The problem with doing something as drastic as throwing his cards out the window is that he now feels sorry for himself because of YOUR behavior to HIM instead of the other way around. Make him apologize, and tell him that if he behaves well and shows you he understand that treating you so poorly is not acceptable, then you'll help him earn back replacement cards.

This is really bad advice. No one should be made to feel that they are to blame for someone elses stress and anger.

If he'd been rude in another way, OP wouldn't have chucked the cards out of the window. But he did something her ex used to do... and that pushed a massive button so she chucked his cards away. Not because he was rude, but because he reminded her of his dad. The only reason he even did that is because he learned that behaviour in the family home

Children need to be taught not to be rude but OP isnt starting from scratch here. She needs to undo what he learned from his dad. So screaming at him and all the usual punishments arent fair. This is behaviour he learned from his family, so should be dealt with a more delicate manner. Of course he really needs to understand that it's bad, but all the people saying "good he lost his cards, he'll remember that next time" seem to be ignoring the fact that he is nist copying the behaviour of his parents. So chucking away is most loved toy is not ok.

Op it’s not your fault, we all have a breaking point and life isn’t all topsy and tim happy land. Their mum would properly sit tim down and have a lovely chat and cuddle (tell ive seen a lot of it recently all the re runs)

You didn’t act to inflict hurt, it sounds like you weren’t thinking at all and reacted in the moment. You love your ds and it will all be fine.

Glad you’ve ordered some more cards, try and turn this into a learning experience for you both.

Have some money permitting sounds like you could all do with getting out soon, having something fun to look forward too. Outdoors, go ape would be good. Choose a decent day, plus no worry of the virus outside really.