I massively lost my shit with ds

[NastyOldBag]

And now I feel awful.

He’s 7yo and it’s the first time I’ve ever been absolutely furious with him. I’ve just split up from Dh and with that and the stress of trying to keep my elderly parents safe and well I’m just done in and exhausted emotionally and physically.

I was doing a little experiment thing with him and ds2 where you put pepper in water and show how soap moves it (trying to encourage hand washing). I was in the middle of chatting to dc’s about it and ds1 just decided to leave the room. I said
‘Ds can you come back?’ and he just ignored me and went and sat in the sitting room. I sat next to him and told him that he can’t just walk out, if he’s not interested in something, I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to do it but he needs to just say so before he walks out of the room. He continues to ignore me and picks up his Yugioh cards. I said ‘ds, I’m talking to you, can you at least respond to acknowledge you can hear me’. He says ‘whatever’ and points to the door signalling me to go, something Dh did and which I used to absolutely hate. I told him that was really rude and that he needed to apologise immediately or he’d be in big trouble. He rolls his eyes and says ‘whatever, just go and play with your pepper’. At this point I just lost it and grabbed his cards out of his hand and threw them out of the window.

Ds is now finally asleep having sobbed about his cards for a good 40 minutes. They immediately blew all over the garden, it’s absolutely pouring down outside and I refused to let him out to get them. He gets £4 a week pocket money which is enough to buy a pack of 5 cards. I threw about 50 out of the window, he’s been collecting them for months.

I now feel absolutely horrible. He’s due to see his dad tomorrow and I know he’s going to complain about me to him. He goes to a yugioh club after school once a week and now won’t be able to go as he has no cards. His parents are splitting up and I’ve just thrown his favourite thing in the world out of the window.

Should I go and see if any are salvageable?

Yes try but don't feel too bad. He needs to learn respect. It was extreme and in retrospect you should have just taken them off him for the weekend but it's easy to say that when you are calm.

See if you can get them, and order new ones on Amazon

Try to find a way to be more relaxed and natural with him. You are going through a lot, but so is he

And he’s still a little boy and all of this was not his fault

Id salvage them, and if you can't I'd buy him new ones. I had a similar situation with my dad when i was 8 and to be honest with yiu i never forgot it, and never truly trusted him again.

You sound absolutely batshit. What an over reaction because he wasn’t interested in your water and pepper ‘trick’?? 🙄

He was rude and you wrecked his favourite things. You massively overreacted and crossed a line.

Also he's had a week at school. Why are you trying to teach him things when he gets home?

I wasn’t cross with him for leaving the room at all. I hadn’t really expected him to be that interested in the experiment but if I’m in the middle of a conversation with him and he just walks out without a word then I’ll just tell him not to.

I know I totally overreacted 🙁. I feel particularly bad as he is normally so, so good and it’s his brother who is the terror but I’ve never lost my temper like that with either of them. I’ve been trying so hard to keep everything as normal as it can be and I just absolutely snapped.

I’m going to try and have some proper time with him tomorrow morning and find out what I can do. It was almost like he was trying to get told off tonight, he is normally always very polite and knows what behaviour is expected of him and what he can get away with.

I’ve managed to salvage 12 of the cards. 3 of his important ones are among them though so I’m hoping that will be enough to placate him.

The only thing he did wrong was signalling at the door for you to leave, but even that was just copying his Dad? It’s his Dad you have to thank for that one.
Throwing his cards, though, is a far bigger deal than you seem to think. Why wouldn’t you at least go out and see what you can salvage?! And if you can’t, you need to replace with all possible speed. He didn’t deserve that.

Just read your update. No, 12 out of 50 isn’t good enough, poor little sod.

@Herpesfreesince03 At least the OP is showing some remorse. It’s the posters saying he deserved it and shouldn’t be allowed to move through his own house freely that are concerning me!

Leaving a room is NOT on the same level as being able to leave the house whenever he wants, eat what he wants, go to sleep when he wants. He is 7, he needs guidance and looking after, not the crazy control of not even being allowed to leave a room in his own house. It isn’t Victorian times anymore!

why are you trying to teach him things when you get home?

Wtf? Because I’m his parent. It was some pepper in a bowl of water, not a Russian history seminar.

Hope you're ok. I think you did over react but everybody makes mistakes and it sounds like you're under huge stress this is completely out of the ordinary for you.

Please be kind to yourself. Tomorrow give DS a hug and tell him you're sorry. Maybe help him buy some more cards and then draw a line under tonight.

Sorry but the pepper experiment sounded boring.

Oh what a fucking shame. So a child should never be bored? His mother isn’t the official entertainment officer ffs. Not a bad lesson to learn at his age that life isn’t always full of razzle dazzle fun and games.

Poor kid!!! 😞

Such a terrible thing to do OP and it will likely be something he will remember for a long, long time to come! The cards were his property, not yours! If you did that to an adult they could get the police involved and you’d be in the shit for criminal damage. Keep your hands to yourself!!

And since when is it illegal to leave a room in your own house??

OMG reading the responses to this I am not surprised in the slightest that we have such an epidemic of rude, entitled young people. 7 years old and speaking like that to his mother!! Maybe throwing the out the window was a little OTT but I personally would have confiscated them and stopped his pocket money for a month just for the sheer rudeness he was displaying. 45% of children ( I was one myself) come from split parents. It is NO excuse for rudeness and bad behaviour.

mouldy I really wasn’t cross with him at all for leaving the room. It was the walking out in the middle of a conversation that I pulled him up on. At that point I wasn’t cross at all, I was just reminding him like I’d say ‘don’t forget to say please’ or similar if he’d forgotten. It was the fact he ignored and then was rude to me twice that I got cross about.

I would tell him that you over-reacted and are sorry. That you have salvaged what cards you can and will replace the others.

HOWEVER. I would also tell him that the pointing at the door gesture is completely unacceptable and if he does it again,

Then have a chat about respecting each other and communicating nicely etc.

Gosh please don't beat yourself up over this. Everyone has lost their shit and the fact that you're feeling bad about it means that you're obviously not a shit parent!!
I don't blame you for kicking off when he mimicked your ex, that must have been hurtful and weird all at the same time. I totally understand all the pp saying you overreacted but I also think if everyone is honest, they have lost their temper with their kids at some point.

And as for this comment:

Poor kid! Surely he should have the freedom to leave and enter rooms in his own house whenever he fancies?

What?? So do your dc just swan in and out when it's dinner time/breakfast/homework time whenever they fancy? Even if you've asked them to sit down? I bet that goes down great when you go to a restaurant and ask them to sit down and stay still!

You don’t sound batshit and it’s obviously not about a ‘trick’. I have blown up like this before and know how bad you feel. You know the red mist descended and that you shouldn’t have reacted, but we do all have animal brains underneath that sometimes override rational thought.

Probably best to try and gather some cards up and apologise for losing your temper. He’s obviously taking your split badly; next time you get defiance and rudeness from him just think that it’s his way of keeping control - don’t take it personally and keep up the boundaries firmly but without losing your rag.

The pointing you out of the room was disgraceful behaviour, so I’m not surprised you got angry. He needs to realise he doesn’t get to behave like that at 7, and hopefully this will enable the penny to drop.

I think a chat tomorrow explaining that you realise you were a bit harsh throwing the cards out of the window, but his behaviour was unacceptable, and then giving him back what you salvaged should hopefully mend things. If he tells tales to his dad, does that matter really? He sounds like an arsehole you’re well rid of.

Poor your self a large glass of wine, get on ebay and see if you can get sum more. Don't beat yourself up learn from it and move on.. You've all had a shit time

@voddiekeepsmesane

I know!

OP don't beat yourself up. Sounds like you both had a bad day.

I know how important those cards are to children.
And he is going through a stressfull time because of the adults in his life and no fault of his own.
Yes he was rude - but you were close to cruel.
And do not tell him it was his fault you reacted like that. You are in charge of your behaviour.
He will remember this and not in a good way.
So try to get those cards back - and not any old cards - get his collection.

Honestly, I think your behaviour was both appalling and abusive. He was rude - you retaliated by destroying his favourite toy in a rage.

Since your ex is his father and apparently sees him regularly, your son is going to look like / pick up mannerisms from said ex. What are you planning to do next time he does something that reminds you of his father?

I’m not saying he shouldn’t have been given a minor punishment for being rude but this was a total overreaction.

Your son was extremely rude and disrespectful and doesn't deserve to have cards replaced. Get over your regret and start thinking up ways of getting your son to learn how to treat people and especially his mother!! Don't forget he will get bigger and therefore harder to discipline.

He is 7, he needs guidance and looking after, not the crazy control of not even being allowed to leave a room in his own house. It isn’t Victorian times anymore!

So your 7 year old is called for dinner. He looks at it says "yuck" and goes out of the room. What do you do? After all it isn't victorian times and he should be allowed to leave a room in his own house.

Op was wrong. Her son was also wrong. It isn't a zero sum thing. They can both be wrong. She needs to apologise to him without making a "but you did this" about it. And then she also needs to address his behaviour with him. He was very cheeky, very rude and if he is imitating his dad - well then she needs to make it clear to him right now that that isn't going to happen in her home. And that is more for his sake than hers.