I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

I didn't want to, I had absolutely no desire to. I didn't tell anyone though apart from my dh as I felt I would be judged and the midwives etc all assume you will be breastfeeding.

In the end I felt so guilty that I thought you know what I'll give it a go and if we get along with it well then we can do it.

It was so so so bloody hard and painful. I also felt it was nice too though just looking down at them, so cute. I did it for a week and after baby and myself were hysterical crying every time I finally gave up and went to formula, best thing we ever done!

I also breastfed my second for 2 days just to give her the colostrum. I honestly don't know how people do it. I found both times it was incredibly painful and baby's latch was gd apparently. Cracked, bleeding nipples and an upset baby and mum. Then there's the cluster feeding that I had no idea about too!

Oh also with my first my milk never came in so my week old baby was starving. It did second time round, what a shock that was lol ur boobs go MASSIVE!

7 breastfed exclusively for 7 months before I introduced forumula but in h8ndsight introducing formula much earlier would have been the best thing for me and my baby for a number of reasons!

I personally wouldn't judge your decision but I agree that there are a lot of judgy people out there and the pressure to breastfeed is HORRENDOUS!

There's a Facebook group called something like 'motherhood without the woo' that you could join - it claims to be solely evidence based advice. They're very pro 'fed is best'. I actually don't agree with some of the things they claim (like that there is no difference between breastmilk and formula) but they do recognise the awful pressures to breastfeed and are very supportive of formula feeding mums. Might be worth checking out for a community.

One of my NCT friends also simply didn't want to breastfeed. 3 or 4 others 'couldn't'. So at least half of our NCT group ended up formula feeding from day 1.

I breastfed my first but really don't want to with a second so I absolutely get it! Do what you want and don't overthink it.

I think it's best to give HONEST experiences of breastfeeding, not oh yeah it's only painful at the beginning and there's no issues if the latch is good and everyone can do it - breastfeeding is hard, between cluster feeding, painful/engorged/leaky breasts, the lack of sleep because you can't just pass the baby over to daddy while you catch up/shower/eat ect. And the fact that sometimes for whatever reason it just doesn't work out it's no wonder that breastfeeding isn't right for some families and that's ok. There are alot of great things about breastfeeding, but there are alot of great things about formula feeding too and it is such a small part of our children's lives that in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter much.

I’m sick of this pressure on woman about how they feed their babies. Unfortunately there seems to be a view that when you are pregnant or a mum that all of sudden people can comment on your personal choices. I desperately wanted to breast feed my little one. Tried hard for weeks and it didn’t work out. It really damaged my mental health and ruined what should of been a magic time with my LO. I wish there was more feeding support groups that don’t just promote breast feeding, that they explain safe bottle feeding for those that want to do that or need to. I still come across these judgemental people- when ask I just smile and say ‘breastfeeding didn’t work for us and it is something that makes me sad so I don’t want to talk about.’ Normally they then get very apologetic. I know it sounds cruel but I want to make them think before they ask. I’m sensitive about it and maybe I should shrug it off but I wouldn’t need to if people weren’t so nosy. My LO is thriving and it is the best thing we did switching to formula and next time I might just start with it in the first place. OP do whatever you feel is best for you and your LO- to borrow from Giovanna Fletcher happy mum is really important for a happy baby.

What put me off BF DS1, was the MW, without so much as a word to me, pulling my breast out of my nightie, squeezing my nipple and pushing DS into my chest. Out of all the non-consenting procedures forced upon me during the birth, this one made me cry hot sobbing tears.

Do your research then do what is right for you and your baby. It's a hugely personal choice and so many factors are involved. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Woah, thanks everyone for your responses.

Wasn't intending in this to start a bf vs ff war!

Really appreciate all the views.
I still don't want to breastfeed, who knows if that feeling will change once babies here but..

Let's not fight and just support eachother, life's too short haha!

If any of the ff mums out there can offer any suggestions on the best formula brand, or bottles etc that will be great!

If you only here to moan about formula feeding then please don't comment. :)

Xx

I used Aptimil along with Dr B anti colic bottles
Check what brands your local shops have in case you run out and also which brands you can easily get ready made milk in as I found it was always useful to have a carton or 2 of ready made milk in case I didn’t have a bottle made up in the fridge
Current guidelines are to make each bottle as you need it but I always had a few in the fridge ready

The formulas are literally all the same, there are no differences unless you have to put your baby on a special one for medical reasons.

Do what you feel comfortable doing. I did breastfeed (only for a week or so) but ended up with mastitis and refused to after that. I had some guilt, but not really anymore looking back, through the growth spurts etc I wouldnt of had it in me to carry on. My son has stacked on healthy weight and is a bruiser and has been formula fed ever since. One size doesnt fit all, you'll learn to ignore what others have to say. And regards to formula, just get one you can easily access nipping to the shops and stick with it. And personally being able to let someone else feed him when he was really young was a godsend when sleep deprivation was in full swing. Best of luck you'll get all sorts of crap advice thats not asked for, just do what makes you an your family happy x

Hey I could have written this post. I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old. Myself and my husband are both early 30's, when we found out we were pregnant it was something I said - I don't fancy breastfeeding and want to do formula and he's was totally on board. It couldn't have worked out better for us a family. They haven't turned out with additional illnesses etc or any other horrors others may want to say happen. They're both happy healthy and fed.
We were the only parents in our NCT group that were not going to breastfeed and when it came to that particular session we took along a bottle and our 'teacher' wasn't sure what to do. Go with what's right for you!
We were asked throughout the midwife appointments and at the hospital and they were totally aware of our decision and if it came to a time where I couldn't answer a question/ speak about what we wanted my other half would have stepped in and told them what our preference was.

I think you need to look into why you're feeling "guilty". If it's because you think your baby would be better off being breastfed, then you need to look closely at your reasoning for not wanting to do it.

If you're feeling "guilty" because you think you're going to be judged for if, then your worries are misplaced. I personally see far more ff babies than breastfed babies, and I can see from both sides of the coin (breastfed until 7m then moved to formula) and have never once been asked about how / why I fed my baby either way. In real life, people care a lot less than you think.

Also with regards to formula I can't comment as my baby has CMPA so is on prescription formula. From speaking to paeds though, as long as baby doesn't have allergies or intolerances to anything - most milks are much of a muchness. Hipp Organic / Aptamil seem to be the most popular from what I see, and they also have pre prepared bottles for when out & about which is a godsend. Sadly my sons vile smelly dairy free milk doesn't!

Bottle wise, I think you'll get a lot of people recommending MAM bottles as they are famously a great switch from boob to bottle (they were for us too). They are anti colic (as are many these days) and seem to suit most babies in my admittedly limited experience. But if you're ff from birth id say you can buy whatever bottles you like the look of and baby will likely accept it.

Congrats on your baby and best of luck xx

@MrsHJFL I have found mam bottles great, they are self sterilise so if you only need to sterilise one or two instead of putting them in the steriliser you can just put the singular bottles in the microwave. I've seen lots of good reviews about Aldi mamia milk but I've never actually used it as I never shop there but it's apparently a bit cheaper than the others

I also breastfed my second for 2 days just to give her the colostrum. I honestly don't know how people do it.

Different strokes for different folks. I bf my 3. No formula until I returned to work, so 4 months, 7 months and 10 months (this was back in the old days of crap maternity leave). When I went back to work, they got formula during the day. I found ff way more stressful than bf, even early day bf. The sterilising, the delay in getting bottle to child while bottle was heated etc etc. Bf meant I could feed while half sleeping as I co-slept, so I got more sleep than I would if ff. Cluster feeding tended to be more an issue in the evening so dh had to take responsibility for other dc, cooking etc. So for me, I honestly don't know how people do ff. NB: I'm talking only about the practical aspects of feeding. I am not judging anyone's decision and obviously if you have severe pain or mastitis or whatever, it's different.

My advice would be make the decision that suits you and your family best. It's nobody else's business. I would also suggest trying different bottles and teats as what suits one child won't necessarily suit another. Also, consider getting any labour saving devices that make your life easier but talk to people about which ones worked for them.

We used cow & gate as it was the cheapest! We figured if he didn't get on with it we'd move up the level of expense! We did use Aptamil too - they're the same manufacturer apparently. The ready made bottles are good for the first few weeks while they are having little & often and great for when you're out and about.

@stripes416 we use mamia, a tin is £6.69 just now which is the cheapest I've seen.

OP we used MAM bottles. He took to them straight away but he's a grubber so it think would have taken anything. So far we have no colic issues.

All people feel differently. I knew there was no way I would ever give dd formula, and I think it would have triggered severe PND if I couldn’t bf for any reason.

That’s as relevant and Ok as someone who knows they’ll never breastfeed. One isn’t better than the other. Do what works for your family.

I really like Avent bottles. Worth researching sterilizers too. Our is Avent as well. Not sure about formula as we only ever gave prescription formula.

I think as with a lot of things in life, go into it with an open mind and see how you feel. But if you don't want to breast feed don't. It's your baby and your body so it is your choice. There is no need to feel guilty about making a decision that is best for you.
I breast fed my first for 13 months and hated it. Formula fed my second which had it's own pitfalls but it was fine.

Hi op, congrats on your pregnancy!

I wasn't sure how I was going to feed up until my ds was born. For various reasons, he has been combi fed from the start, although mostly breastfed. I personally find bf easier, but that's because I'm impatient and don't like Faffing with sorting the bottles etc. It is nice that he takes both though, takes the pressure off me a little and dh gets to feed him a bit in the evening 🙂

When he does have a bottle, we use SMA (it's what he had at the hospital) and Avent bottles with their microwave steriliser. However, he's very windy (not quite colic but does get uncomfortable) so we're currently researching the sma 'comfort' and different bottles /teets... I had no idea there so many?!! Might try the mamia ones as apparently they go well with breastfeeding. So definitely do your research and, as pp have said, maybe get a small selection so you're prepared?

Anyway, just want to add that you need to do what's right for you and your family! Remember you can give bf a go when baby arrives if you change your mind, but if you decide not to or if it doesn't work out then all will still be fine on formula 🙂

I also find it difficult to understand why you would not want to do what's best for your baby. If you cannot feed that's different but if you can breast is best (around 95% of women can breastfeed)

“I also find it difficult to understand why you wouldnt want to do what’s best for your baby”
I find it difficult to understand why you would post this when it’s not what OP asked