I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

I've got three children. When I said I didn't want to bf with my first, my midwife and I decided we would just do some the first day and then switch to ff. Things went wrong with the birth and I was transferred to the hospital where I didn't feel like someone touching me there if I hadn't seen them before, so I didn't do it then .

When DS was born, bf was never mentioned again , so I didn't at all that time either.

When DD2 (my last) came a month ago , I had told my midwife that I wanted to bf once just as a 'life experience '. She doesn't know I had kept open the option of combi feeding if I liked/didn't mind it (as long as I could decide to hand DD to my husband when I didn't feel like feeding or was busy).

However, as I had always suspected (my nipples are not an erogenous zone at all), when DD latched on my left, it was squirmingly horrible. I did it once more on my right boob the day she was born and it was even worse. By this time , my left nipple was hurting by itself already and that was only after one feed , and an incomplete short one at that, because DD had had some formula too. Suffice to say I would have resented every feed, had I continued.
It was absolutely awful. Give me a natural birth without pain relief, throw in shoulder dystocia for good measure and I won't flinch (true), I'll do it ten times over, but bf makes me literally squirm.

If you don't want to, don't. You're a better mum if you are relaxed. The newborn days are only there once and it's not worth ruining them because you feel under pressure.

As to ff:

Both my ff only babies are healthy, one's fat, the other isn't.
We just make the formula (Hipp Pre, pre formula can be given on demand like bm) with the water at the right temp. Imo the guidelines are made to discourage ff and making it a faff. In the end you don't sterilise your boobs or the nipple cream either, right?

You can do whatever you want to do it's your child and your body.

I ff my first, and I'm still bf my second who is 10 months now..
Both times I never felt judged by others and quite frankly I wouldn't care as it's my choice and I'm confident with my decisions.
With my first ff was just more right for us, with my second I wanted to give bf a go and so I did. Yes it was tough at start but things got easier and it's walk in a park since when he was around 8 weeks old.
If I was to have a third I think I will try bf again as I personally think it's natural and my body is just plainly making food for my child..if it doesn't work for some reason then I will move to formula.
You don't have to justify your choices to anyone. Just be confident and do what you think it's right. That's all what matters.

OP you do realise most people formula feed don't you? If you are in the UK or US, you're in the VAST majority. How can you feel alone?

The ads etc are trying desperately to correct something culturally which they now believe is and will have long-lasting social health implications.

The choice is yours and most women seem to make the same one (for various reasons), but implying that you feel alone in this and not supported in any way is incredibly disingenuous and irritating for women who have breastfed, or who desperately wanted to but couldn't. You do you.

OP do you think breastfeeding is better for your child than FF? If no, then why do you feel guilty? If yes, then why not give it a go.

Imo the guidelines are made to discourage ff and making it a faff. In the end you don't sterilise your boobs or the nipple cream either, right?

Your boobs aren’t a breeding ground for bacteria the way remnants of leftover milk would be.

I don't understand this thread. How can there be a stigma against formula feeding when most babies in this country are FF?

@priscillanotofthedesert I dint think there is in general, but pro breast feeders are very vocal and judgmental a lot of the time

I managed for 3 weeks before giving up- I’d not enough milk due to a section and lots complications. To b honest, terrible to say I just found it rather boring too. We both took to bottle feeding like a dream and my son and I are very very close. Do what u feel is right for you and try not to feel bullied by the breast feeding police - I know I did.

Who are the breastfeeding police?

I didn't want to breastfeed by first DC. I have large breasts at the best of times and couldn't see how I could discreetly breastfeed and I couldn't find a breastfeeding bra that I got on with, I didn't even try!

With DC2 I had a really supportive HV who just said 'what have you got to lose? Try it and if you don't like it go back to FF' I did try and managed 8 days but my DC was tongue tied and had a poor latch and my supply wasn't great.

I'm glad that I did try - but you have to do what you want.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Personally, I think that this issue is a lot more nuanced than a simple "do what you feel is best". I mean, in principle I agree with this but in practice it's more complicated. In practice, there are very few women who are "unable" to breastfeed. My cousin, for instance, breastfed her DS for 4 weeks before saying she was unable to continue due to the fact he was a big baby and she wasn't producing enough milk for him. She based this off the fact that she couldn't get any milk out when she expressed. However, her DS was gaining weight and having plenty of wet and dirty nappies - he was getting what he needed.

I hear a lot of that sort of thing simply because a lot of women are misinformed. Which isn't their fault - in general most HCP are shockingly under informed about breastfeeding.

If you don't want to breastfeed or it's affecting your mental health then by all means FF, I really don't have an issue with that. What I do have an issue with is women who do want to breastfeed feeling like they have no other choice but to FF because they have received bad advice. That happened with me - instead of receiving support to breastfeed, I was pushed into topping my newborn son up with formula which, had I not sought the advice of an independent lactation consultant, would have meant he would eventually have been exclusively FF. Which, personally, I didn't want.

My experience of the NHS is that they say breast is best but then offer absolutely no decent support whatsoever with the realities of breastfeeding and just offer formula top ups as a solution to any difficulties.

During pregnancy I was very ambivalent about it, genuinely felt either would be fine and I'd just be happy with a fed and happy baby. I was also entirely ff as a baby myself.

After labour, baby seemed to latch on quite happily so I went with that. By the time it became apparent there were issues at 5 days old (poor latch due to tongue tie) I was determined to make it work and went through various trials and tribulations until a bf pattern settled at 15 weeks. Pre-baby me would have fully judged this, new mum me just felt it was the right thing to do, and gave me a sense of control in a situation that was completely overwhelming. I bf until 16 months, with one formula feed a day from 6 months, and do not regret the choice at all.

No judgement either way, I just encourage you to do what is best for you both at the time. Considering the needs of the mother sounds selfish, but in the early days feeding is 50% of the job (other than sleeping) and whatever helps you both through is absolutely fine.

Has anyone ever read the back of formula boxes? - it actually says that they don’t recommend formula and that breast milk is best for baby. So even the formula companies think breast is best. I think this is one of the main things that out me off formula 😂

In all seriousness though we really should just get on with our own business. I think breastfeeding is best for my baby, Other people think differently for their babies and that’s fine and none of my business.

@FET2020 that’s not what they think. It’s public policy. It’s not poison it’s sustenance for babies.

@MadamePewter yes I know that. And I know formula isn’t poison, it’s a great alternative for when you can’t breastfeed - but it’s not as good as breastmilk -so they aren’t allowed to advertise it in that way.

I had my lo in August and she is FF. I just knew I didn’t want to BF mainly as my boobs are very big and I’m very self conscious of them. I noticed very early in my pregnancy that it was easier to tell everyone that I intended to BF so that’s what I told midwives my GP and anyone else that asked. It was almost like I was giving them the answer they wanted to hear and then they moved on to the next question. When DD was born I said I wanted to FF. The midwife at the time asked if I was sure and tried to convince me a bit but in the end accepted my decision. As cowardly as it may have been to lie it was fair easier for me and no one asked me afterwards why I wasn’t BFing. Although my GP didn’t look too pleased but didn’t say anything!

whispers
Buy a perfect prep op best invention ever.

I chose not to breast feed. I stand by my decision , I also think breast feeding mums are amazing. Any woman who can bear, birth and raise a child is pretty damn fantastic.

I struggled with supply issues and I really was very upset when my dd rejected the breast at 3 months and my supply dried up completely. It was a very hard process but I remember each time she latched thinking how lovely it was, how close I felt to her and wishing it 'worked' properly. I never felt the same closeness when I gave her a bottle to be honest. I think aside from the health benefits, if you don't give it a go you are missing out on something beautiful. You will be judged. I was actually told off by a man in a cafe once for formula feeding instead of breastfeeding ( little did he know I'd just spent half an hour in the feeding room trying to breast feed) and I cried my eyes out. The rights and wrongs of such judgement you can argue until you're blue in the face but the judgement will remain.

You do not need to breastfeed and your baby will be fine ff.

Your body is yours to do with as you choose and nobody else can decide this for you.

However, any guilt you feel at not bf is yours to own. Nobody is making you feel this way and as has been said, ff is the cultural norm by a long way.

Perhaps examine the reasons behind your feelings before you make a decision

Seeing as OP hasn't been back is anyone else thinking we've all been had and shes successfully started a goady thread to pit bfers against ffers?

I don't understand why people are commenting saying they are judging. The op asked for experiences of formula feeding, not if you are judging her or not.

I formula fed from the start as I also never wanted to breastfeed. I've never had anybody comment on my decision. I've never had a midwife or health visitor show any judgement and never tried to change my mind. At all baby groups I've been to it's been slightly mixed with how people feed but really I would say it was mostly bottle feeding, but I never experienced anybody making any kind of judgement to either, tbh we never discussed the matter we just all got on with what we were doing, I wish that was the experience for everybody because I never understand the whole bottle vs breast debate. Unless somebody is asking for their opinion, Just do what you want to and let others do the same.

With my first I bought loads of tommee tippee bottles when pregnant but she struggled with them so changed bottles to dr browns and she was fine so maybe have a couple different types and don't buy loads of just one bottle incase baby doesn't take to them and then once they're happy with one just buy more. Formula is all pretty much the same they all have to meet the standards but I've heard a lot of babies not taking to certain formulas but you can just change to another brand and see how they go with it. I did want to try hipp organic but they dont sell it in my local shop so I went with cow & gate so I know it's there if I need to run out quickly for it and they've both seemed fine on it. I've found a microwave steriliser works better for us personally and they look tidier because you can just keep them in the microwave.

A lot of people use perfect prep machines, I personally don't use one because I don't trust the amount of "hot shot" that you get but I know a lot of people love them. I just make bottles as and when which was tricky to start with but luckily we've gotten into a really good routine so it's all about being prepared really.

I want to bf my baby this to me round - I'm 29 weeks.

But I've had 2 failed attempts at it and I have a child with Sen who needs me a lot day and night. I fear being the one they both want during the night will kill me. Trying to get 4 yr old used to dh at night, but she's having none of it

4 women I know had babies around the same time as me and I’m the only one who chose to breastfeed. From what they told me they were 100% supported in their formula feeding while I’ve had a lot of judgement for breastfeeding.

Older generations making quips about my boobs leaking in the early days (visiting my home in the first fortnight and bra’s were too sore) telling me I should stop cause my baby won’t sleep through, judging my choice to give up dairy because of a dairy allergy in DD and most recently as soon as DD was 1 I've been told it’s weird and all for the mother to keep breastfeeding going at this stage.

Make the decision based on what you want not others, don’t think that either option means less judgement as you’ll find that new mums get a lot of judgment pressed on them for no good reason. You do what suits you and your baby!

@Wonderland18 isn't it strange the things people judge you on for bfing? Someone (a ff mum) said to me how do I live with the guilt of bfing dc2 when I have dc1... or my gp who told me to stop bfing because dc2 might not be smart enough to know when the breast is empty.

I remember some time ago chatting to a friend at the school gates about when our kids were babies and we agreed seeing them line up on their first day at reception and you can't tell which we're bf, ff, blw, weaned early, co slept, woke at night or slept through but you can guarantee parents are judging each other in different things now (ear piercing, screen time, reading ability) because it never ends.

I was never judged for ff dc1, but have had a lot of comments about bf dc2 but luckily have a lot of support in terms of hv and bf groups.

There is so much misinformation, most who claim low supply actually don't have a problem and with the right information and support would have been fine had they wanted to continue.