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Original poster

Out of curiosity - could you leave an 8 week old baby to go away for a few days with DH?

271 replies

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:39

This is not for me by the way! My friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was gobsmacked that she has left the baby with her parents and gone away already. Is this normal and I am too over the top with my children to think that leaving them this young is not right? It's not her first child but even so, does anyone else think this is a bit young to be left?

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WideWebWitch · 01/09/2007 12:59

I also think it's VERY IMPORTANT that a mother and father are happy. I think unhappy parents very often means unhappy children, I really do.

And sometimes that DOES mean putting yourselves as parents first. Not where harm would come to a child, obviously, so I'm not talking about neglect but for example, if a parent is doing all the nights alone with the result that they're so knackered they want to cry then yes, I DO think someone needs to step in and take the baby long enough for the main carer to get a good nights sleep.

Steve Biddulph (not that I agree with him about a lot of stuff but hey, I like some of his opinions) talks about "the 10 minutes that'll save your marriage" consisting of making time to talk to each other AS A PRIORITY towards the end of each day. eg my children know that if we're having a chat they can wait or get the water/whatever themselves but that we need 10 minutes uninterrupted and it's not negotiable.

Peachy · 01/09/2007 13:04

I agree with WWW, I could have insisted on a family orientated honeymoon (we did consider it) but I know Dh would have secretly felt let down, he did compromise anyway (swapped the LAs Vegas trip for a cruise when he realised how ill I had been and that I needed rest not night life)and who wants to start amrried life with a let down DH? It gave us a goosd start, ended a horrid time, and we have lots of memories of hot weather and deckside cocktails to get us through the poor with children years

I coudn't BF ds1, which probably did help

WideWebWitch · 01/09/2007 13:06

I'm going to start another thread about needs of parents and how much priority people give to their relationship as opposed to their children, feel free to join me! I think it's an interesting subject.

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Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
WideWebWitch · 01/09/2007 13:44

Another thread started on needs of parents compared to children, here

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 01/09/2007 14:09

WWW I think we will have to agree to disagree! No offence intended at all to you as obviously two people never ever think alike and also have different needs.

I appreciate that what is one person's ideal of parenting is not another's and I only go on what I have had to bring my DD up like. That was living 60 miles away from any family and DH worked 6 days a week 12 hours a day. In a way I probably become used to being the main caregiver and it is very hard to give that up. Had I have been nearer to parents (we are actually living with mine now) it might have been a different outcome where leaving my DD was concerned.

OP posts:
sheepgomeep · 01/09/2007 15:57

www i'm with you. I left ds at 8 weeks with my mum and dad so me and my now ex could go to cardiff to see some friends (and got very pissed .

I felt loads better when I got back.

am leaving dd2 with my mum tonight as I really really need a break and spend some time with dp and the elder two.
I will worry myself though and I'm on standby lol

I think sometimes parents emotional needs come first and leaving your dc now and again with someone you trust is absolutely fine

msappropriate · 01/09/2007 16:21

no way. I would have loved to in some ways but couldn't.

unknownrebelbang · 01/09/2007 16:31

I agree with WWW's pov.

breeze · 01/09/2007 17:22

I did it when ds was 12 weeks old, I went away for a weeked with DH, and since that time he spends a night round his grandparents house at least once a week, (he is now almost 8) he has a fantastic bond with his grandparents.

I have also left him for a week twice to also go awy with dh when dh was 8 months and again a few years later.

I really do not see a problem if they are being well looked after.

I did suffer badly with PND, but my short breaks away gave me time to rest.

I have a fab relationship with ds & a rock solid marriage to DH, and do not regret any decisions. I just had great first time grandparents who wanted to spend quality time with their grandson.

and as for why did we bother having kids

Judy1234 · 01/09/2007 17:26

I believe the opposite of Anna. Much better for the child of that age where teh parents both work to leave it at the same time every day with the other bonded adult, nanny, granny, father etc with its routine that doesn't change than suddenly disappearing for a whole week which probably is more upsetting for it than the pattern of a day with parents,then nanny and then parents.

I think most parents don't want to leave 8 week year olds. I don't think I would have wanted to even if I hadn't breastfed. If they are left with loving adults they have already bonded with and are used to who do lost of childcare already like their nanny or granny then I don't think going away for a week is going emotionally to harm them long term. I went away for a week in January and left all 5 children I think for the first time in about 20 years and I wasn't that happy with the effects of my being away. I think they like and need the constant presence of the parent fairly regularly although after a week or two they settled back down and it was fine and the youngest were 8 which isn't quite the same.

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 01/09/2007 18:26

Xenia, I agree completely.

OP posts:
superalienstitch · 01/09/2007 18:31

in answer to the op.
i ammore shocekd by the lack of breastmilk.
however,if themother isnt feeding her baby, then i dont see the problemreally. anyone else can give a bottle and change a diaper just as easily.

Cammelia · 01/09/2007 18:56

I wouldn't.

My db and sil left their firstborn at 10 weeks with my parents and went on a long distance car rally for a week.

My sil phoned my parents constantly to check on the baby and my parents were knackered because the baby hardly slept.

It was my db's idea.

He and sil are divorced now.

MaloryTowersHasManners · 01/09/2007 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FioFio · 01/09/2007 20:52

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Reallytired · 01/09/2007 20:55

I have never left my son overnight and he is five and half years old!

Babies change quite quickly at 8 weeks. I can't understand why someone would leave their baby without strong reason.

MaloryTowersHasManners · 01/09/2007 20:56

This reply has been deleted

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Rhubarb · 01/09/2007 20:59

I take it she ain't breastfeeding then? Tsk tsk!

massivebigpantsface · 01/09/2007 21:01

well I passed up my Prince concert tickets the other week because when it came to the crunch I just couldn't leave dd for what would have been about 9 hrs all in all - and she is now 7 months (in my defense dd had been a bit under the weather and had never left her for the night before.)

so my answer to op is a definate NO!

Reallytired · 01/09/2007 21:02

I think that whether she is breastfeeding or not is irrelevent.

Even babies who are bottlefed from birth form close attachments to their carer.

massivebigpantsface · 01/09/2007 21:03

On the other hand I do recall saying to someone the other day that I would pay £100 for a full nights sleep!

toomanydaves · 01/09/2007 21:06

Couldn't do it. Actually at 8 weeks both mine had severe colic and screamed all the time, so they were not very easy. But I couldn't have done it anyway.

massivebigpantsface · 01/09/2007 21:07

My mum said that when my sister was 3 months old she had to leave her for 4 nights to go to London and sit some exams. She left her with my Nan and when she returned my sister looked at her, worried and unsure, clung to my nan and cried when my mum took her into her arms.

My mum was so upset that she shut her and my sister in her room for the rest of the day just cuddling and holding her.

I can't imagine how it must have felt for your lo to look at you in that way - like a stranger.

Piffle · 01/09/2007 21:34

Breastfeeding erm is hardly irrelevent!
One requires a mother to be there
Bottle feeding doesn't....

toomuchtodo · 01/09/2007 21:41

I've never left my two and the eldest is 9 and a 1/2!

would miss them both too much

leaving them as babies sounds so heartless to me, but we are all different, each to their own and all that