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Original poster

Out of curiosity - could you leave an 8 week old baby to go away for a few days with DH?

271 replies

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:39

This is not for me by the way! My friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was gobsmacked that she has left the baby with her parents and gone away already. Is this normal and I am too over the top with my children to think that leaving them this young is not right? It's not her first child but even so, does anyone else think this is a bit young to be left?

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mm22bys · 31/08/2007 10:00

Almost x-posts there helenelisabeth!

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:00

I go with that to an extent Pruners, that thing of your marriage/relationship being as important as your children.

It's a few days not a few months.

FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 10:01

Yes I have just said I would judge people on this WWW - am not sure what you mean by your last post?

I doubt anyone would be interested in my opinion unless they know that I know their circumstances, and have asked for my advice

but it is bullshit to say we all mind our own business when it comes to things that other people do with their children, and their husbands, and so on

we all make judgements and have an opinion

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Pruners · 31/08/2007 10:01

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littlelapin · 31/08/2007 10:01

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Original poster
helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:02

Jeremyvile I do this scenario is evidence of something - that some people will put themselves first, who knows if an 8 week old is "damaged" from not seeing her mother and father for 5 days, attachments are formed very very quickly and to suddenly lose that for 5 days is a VERY long time for a baby to understand.

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pooka · 31/08/2007 10:02

I personally couldn't. Plus was breastfeeding so anything muchmore than a brief evening out was out of the question (cluster feeding and so on).
I did have a next door neighbour who actually (Ican't believe this) said "Eurgh that's disgusting" when, having asked me, I told her I was breastfeeding. She went away for 2 weeks with her dh when her baby was about 4 weeks.
But, each to their own I guess.

RubyRioja · 31/08/2007 10:03

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Original poster
helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:04

Pooka I started another thread on BF about people telling me they thought it was "disgusting" to breastfeed. THAT in my opinion says a lot more about a persons attitude towards their DC.

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TellusMater · 31/08/2007 10:04

I don't know.

It never came up because I was breasfeeding and found expressing impossible - so at least part of me had to be there at two hourly intervals.

I remember we went to stay with PIL when dd was about a month old, and they insisted we went out for dinner. And I kept thinking "it's too soon" - but once we were out it was lovely. Of course we had to get back in time for the next feed, but I was almost reluctant to end the evening.

So perhaps I could, yes. For a night at least.

But I don't know.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:06

F&Z I was asking you to clarify whether you would judge anyone who did this, it didn't seem clear to me whether you would or not, I wasn't being rude, so sorry if you misread me.

But given your reply, so you do judge me then? And assuming judge is a pejorative word then what do you judge me as? I left a small baby to go away with my husband. And I really don't think it did her any harm.

yaddayah · 31/08/2007 10:07

I would have loved to but iirc at 8 weeks PFB was still superglued to my norks and it would have been impossible

I do remember a friend of mine leaving her 5 day old with gp's to go to a wedding overnight, but did I judge her ?

Well yes ok .. slightly

littlelapin · 31/08/2007 10:07

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Pruners · 31/08/2007 10:08

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Miaou · 31/08/2007 10:09

Ds2 is now 5 weeks old but I couldn't contemplate leaving him for a few days, even in a month's time - however I am breastfeeding so that has a major impact obviously! But I don't think it is "wrong" or too early - just not for me.

I once worked with a lady whose daughter had a baby and as soon as she was discharged from the hospital asked her mum to have the baby for the w/e - baby was four days old! Now that I found shocking.

FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 10:09

Oh, I see, I couldn't work out why you kept asking if I would judge someone when I have said several times that I would

"assuming judge is a perjorative word"

no that's where we are at cross purposes, I mean it as I said it "to make a judgement about, to form an opinion". There is nothing in the word judge that means to judge someone and find them wanting. I know it's a dirty word on MN, but it simply means to form an opinion.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:09

What do you mean 'some people will put themselves first? '
I don't think leaving an 8 week old baby is evidence of 'putting yourself first' - I think it's possibly evidence that you really don't think any harm will come of it and that you value your marriage/relationship and want to spend some time with your husband.

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:09

Littlelapin, I think leaving the 8 week old is harder for them. Just because they can't speak how do we know that they are not feeling distressed over it? You can placate an older child far easier PLUS they will have a stronger bond with the GP.

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expatinscotland · 31/08/2007 10:09

We left our 3 week old with my mum and dad to go for a coffee up the road - mmmm, Vittoria's! - and that was hard enough.

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:10

WWW of course it is putting yourself first, its not putting your DC first is it?!

OP posts:
Tutter · 31/08/2007 10:10

i am a complete wuss and could leave neither dsses for more than a few hours unless it was with dh

have only left ds1 (2.3) once - 24 hours

ds2 is only 6 weeks old - wouldn't and couldn't (bfing) leave him at all

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 31/08/2007 10:10

My parents left me at a similar age whilst they went on holiday FOR TWO WEEKS!!!!

Mum says 'Well, I wasn't very maternal then'

I admit to being a little bit envious of anyone who puts their own happiness first. I am incapable, and that's not a good thing for your mental health, trust me. DD2 is almost 4, and whilst she has been in childcare from 4 months, I struggle to leave her for any reason other than work. Even DH has never looked after her whilst she has been awake, but that's more because he is far too busy doing what he wants to do. The relationship has just evolved that way, and I really wish it hadn't

Pruners · 31/08/2007 10:10

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moonshine · 31/08/2007 10:10

tbh I would feel more guilty about my parents having so little sleep and having to feed/comfort/change the nappy of a baby who is probably crying several hours a days so often. Wish mine had been so accommodating (or young enough to offer such help).

pooka · 31/08/2007 10:11

HE - was jsut really really surprised and taken aback when she said it. Of course her decision and all, but to be so horrified at mine? I don't get it.
Re: them going away. I automaticlly assumed they'd be taking their dd with them, but she said that they wouldn't have had any fun if she was there with them. Now I agree that holidays with children are not what they were pre-children, but 2 weeks at that age seems too much to me.
I couldn't manage a weekend, but at 8 weeks, know lots who have. As I keep saying to dd all the time, "everone's different".
In fact only had time away recently (dd nearly 4 and ds nearly 2) when I had to go to a memorial service in the Lleyn peninsula in Wales, and dcs stayed on hioliday in dorset while I went - too far for them to come too really. God I missed them. Of course, when I got home I kicked myself for not having enjoyed the weekend in what was the most beautiful place in the world with all my own family. But I did feel rather bereft and sorry for myself.