Out of curiosity - could you leave an 8 week old baby to go away for a few days with DH?

[helenelisabeth]

This is not for me by the way! My friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was gobsmacked that she has left the baby with her parents and gone away already. Is this normal and I am too over the top with my children to think that leaving them this young is not right? It's not her first child but even so, does anyone else think this is a bit young to be left?

I couldn't have (bf and also couldn't have made myself do it). Nothing really to do with whether ds would have noticed though - I just personally couldn't have done it. I'd have got no enjoyment out of it at all and I don't think that says anything about my dedication as a parent, just my personality.

I still couldn't leave him overnight now. If you can and you've been careful to arrange good care then that's fine if you want to. Difficult for me to put myself into the shoes of someone who'd want to, though there are stories/circumstances on this thread which make it easier to understand.

I second that bewilderbeast.
my dd is going to my mums tomorrow for the night. I do need a break, my mum has insisted. I think having an emergency c section, a blood tranfusion a week after, a section scar that took 2 months to heal, losing my dad 3 weeks after dd2 was born, a friend dying 3 days before my dad, relationship problems and now dd2 reflux probs I think I deserve that.

It will make feel less murderous towards my offspring

oh and when I had my blood tranfusion a week after dd was born my parents took her for two nights for me, so my dp could concentrate on the elder ones.

To this day I'm so glad they did as my dad who got to spend some time with his last grandchild. he died 14 days later

So judge me.

Ooh WORKING MOTHERS being thrown into the mix now by anna888, marvelous.

No I wouldn't leave and 8 week old. I think that's a bit young and I would feel terrible. I think the practicalities of it would be hard let alone the emotional side, particularly if you were breastfeeding. I would leave to go out for a couple of hours in the evening though if my hubbie/mum was looking after the baby and I could feed before and then come back, but not leave over night until they were about 2 years old.

i think it is fine to spend a couple of days away from baby if u need it_ not as if you will be leaving forever! perhaps they need a break to spend time with eachother quite often after birth of child partner do get and feel neglected! im sure the baby is staying with realatives prob be spoilt rotten

sheepgomeep - no-one will judge you for what is a perfectly viable thing to do. My friend who has left her 8 week old did so so she could go away and get "pissed" for 4 days - something I could not understand or want to do. Each to your own but she most certainly did not need to do it because she was depressed/ill/at the end of her tether etc. If she had of been any of these things, I would not even have thought anything wrong in leaving baby. It was for selfish reasons imo.

I couldn't as I was bf but even if I could I wouldn't at such a young age. My dd was literally inseperable (sp?) from me at this age.

I know I'll never agree with most people on this thread but I think wanting to go away with your husband (and get pissed or not) when you have just had a baby is perfectly understandable and reasonable.

I hate the kind of judging that says if a woman leaves a baby because she is ill/had a hard labour/other 'worthy' reason then it's fine but if she does it because she wants to (and places some priority on her relationship with her husband) then it's not. A lof of people seem to think once women become mothers then their personalities and desires and what they want should be subsumed and that they should ALWAYS put themselves very last. It's bollocks imo.

I know I'm in the minority on this though.

WWW - that is your opinion, you are entitled to it but really, I cannot understand why you would think your needs should come before your baby's. Yes, have a night out, or go away when child is older and more used to being left but sorry, your needs are not priority, your child's/children's should be. Don't think I am attacking you personally, it is how I feel on all levels on parenting, your child SHOULD come first.

I would happilly have done it if ds wasn't breastfeeding but he was and wouldn't take a bottle so I didn't. That was the only reason I didn't. If I had bottle fed which I very likely would do with another child than I would have no problem leabing them at this age with a loving relative I trusted if I felt I needed a break.

but isint the childs need being met with who ever you choose to leave your child with?? being fed, changed, attention?

You and me both WWW !

the child may not be with mum or dad for a couple of days but would hardly damage the child in any way surely?

How ever much I would have loved to I couldn't as I was breast feeding and there is no way I could have left enough milk for a few days.

Am I the only one who personally has less trouble leaving a very young baby than an older child in the care of others.

A baby needs love, affection, feeding changing and sleep. An older child is far more likely to need it's parents so for me leaving a very small baby for a short tiem with someone I trust is FAR easier than an older child. The only fly in the ointment here is reastfeeding which does make this more difficult (though not impossible with some babies). Again I can see I am swimming against the majority here though.

I cant see a major problem with it Lazycow- I welcomed the chance to get away when both of my babies were small.

WWW - I'm with you.

DS is the love of my life (and DH of course)... but sometimes my needs come first. Which is why I sometimes get to go to the movies by myself, and DH and I take turns sleeping in on the weekend. DS, DH and I (and LO to be) are part of a family - which involves give and take on everyone's part.

I'd also like to be able to differenciate between a child's 'needs' and 'wants'.

I wouldn't be able to leave my DCs at that age because I BF and all the family live in another country. Perhaps I wouldn't have for PFB, but for next LO... if I could I probably would for a night or maybe 2....

Haven't read all of thread(except title) and yes breast fet but could have expressed. in hindsight should have gone for a night away with d/h as it so changes once kids come . In truth there no way i would of but suppose what i am saying i should have along with person you trust ie grandparents then a night away would be fine.

Couldn't as breastfeeding. Wouldn't as I cherish him too much. I believe they need their primary attachment figure and at 8 weeks, 3 days might feel like you had gone forever. My mum still believes I was damaged permanently by her never spending much time with me when I was a baby, due to being in my Nanna's house where she was told to give the older one every minute of her attention.
I know your friend probably doesn't do that but maybe babies do need us more than we realise?

I left ds1 aged 12 weeks to go on honeymoon for a week, I ahd been desperately ill for pretty much all of the PG and it was exactly what I needed. i'm not heartless, just don't think a few days matters.

You know what? This thread had raised some very interesting questions for me about motherhood. F& Z' comments about the uniqueness (or otherwise) of a mother baby bond and www's questions about the idea of the 'sacrifice of motherhood' which is so beloved of many people.

For me personally (and I can only say for me) I did not feel that my ds and I had any special bond, particularly in the early weeks, over and above that which he had with his father.

I appreciate that this may be abnormal and I am willing to agree with Pruners that this may be a shame. It was and remains nonetheless true for me. I love ds completely and unconditionally but I certainly don't think that when he was a baby he and I had any bond that couldn't have reaonably easily been replaced by someone else who provided all the things I did.

I left ds quite easily for the couple of hours that breastfeeding allowed me to from a VERY young age (5 days was the first time I recall and at 3 weeks old I left him for 3 hours with my parents). I generally skipped off for my coffee, meal etc without much of a backward glance at all.

The only times I felt bad about it were in the throes of my PND at which point I probably was doing it for my own benefit and that made me feel guilty. However when the PND lifted I still left ds quite easily but then it was because I genuinely didn't think it would harm him.

Interestingly it has got harder and harder to leave ds as he gets older as he objects more and more and I am seriously considering giving up work when he starts school.

Actually a few days probably doesn't
Especially if the mother needs it badly. Could make a lot of difference in the long term iyswim.
Just I'm a sentimental old bint

Helenelisabeth, aaaaggghhhh, I don't agree that doing this IS necessarily 'putting your needs before your children' BECAUSE I DON'T think it is harmful to your children (given loving grandparents etc) so you and I are never to to agree about that - we're coming from such fundamentally opposing postions. But I'll agree to disagree, I realise I'm in the minority here.

Oh and I went back to work at 9 weeks as well, ahd to in those days, maternity so much mroe generous now

So DS1 was spending enough time with GP's to be secure there