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Parenting

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Original poster

Out of curiosity - could you leave an 8 week old baby to go away for a few days with DH?

271 replies

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:39

This is not for me by the way! My friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was gobsmacked that she has left the baby with her parents and gone away already. Is this normal and I am too over the top with my children to think that leaving them this young is not right? It's not her first child but even so, does anyone else think this is a bit young to be left?

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divorcee · 02/09/2007 13:36

An 8 week old prob wouldn't even notice who was taking care of it for a few days. As long as it is being fed, cuddled and clean it will be fine

I think it's a great idea to get a baby used to beong around others, so that when the child is at an age that will be upset by new places, it will be used to it

The relationship between parents is just as important as the parent/child relationship. Too many parterships break down and I think that is, in part, due to lack of closeness as mums give it all to baby/children

I never had the chance to take a break when mine were small but would have in a heartbeat, taken the chance, with no guilt.

princessmel · 02/09/2007 13:37

I couldn't do it. I can hardly bear to leave them now at 4.9 and 2.

PippiLangstrump · 02/09/2007 13:53

I never feel guilty of leaving DD with someone who loves her to bits (like granparents). I am actually happy that she has got this kind of relationship which I missed out on. I am so happy to have her back and see her and DH and I talk about her a lot but I am grateful that for a few hours/days it can be just the two of us.

By the same token should I then feel guilty for leaving her to spend 30 hours a week with 'strangers' i.e. childminder, who surely cares for DD but undoubtedly does not LOVE!!!?? compare to that a couple of night every 6 months with nanny seem nothing.

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ELF1981 · 02/09/2007 14:02

I wouldn't, but each to their own. I know a few people who could, that's their life though, not mine.

DD is going to be two next month, she has never slept anywhere but with us. I was planning a night in a hotel with DH for his birthday, his first thought was "what would we do with DD" and decided not to bother!

divorcee · 02/09/2007 14:08

I'm curious as to why, you people that say "no couldn't/wouldn't)

What are your reasons for this

Is it because you think children will be damaged, what others will think of you? You believing that no other can take care of your children? It's not what a good mother does?

What are the reasons?

I think it's more to do with how you think you should be feeling and what others will think. A young child will not be damaged by having others take care of it, whether it is overnight or in a nursery/childminder/nanny. It that were the case, we'd have a nation of severely damaged children already

princessmel · 02/09/2007 14:12

Divorcee, I couldn't for lots of reasons.
Here are some...
I'd miss them too much.
I wouldn't enjoy it.
I'd feel that they would miss me and be upset. They might not but thats how I'd feel.
I'm bf dd at night and before she goes to sleep.

They have done it before though (ds when he was 18 months) and then when ds was 4.5 and dd nearly 2. They were fine both times.

But never when they were as young as 8 weeks. We managed to go out for meals when they were slightly older than that but had to be called back most times when dd woke for a feed.

ELF1981 · 02/09/2007 14:13

I just dont WANT to.
I have no desire to.

Judy1234 · 02/09/2007 14:30

divorcee, (and I'm the working mother who went back to work happily when the babies were 2 weeks old) I physically needed and wanted the contact with the small babies each day. It's a kind of visceral internal desire to want to smell them, feel their body against yours and may be it's related to the breastfeeding in the sense that they've had 9 months in you and then they're attached to you in the nicest of ways after whilst feeding. That's how I would have felt. I know a lot of mothers can't bear to go back to work presumably for the same reasons but I didn't find being away in the day in the week too upsetting, just the thought of not seeing them, feeding them, having their warmth against my body etc.

As I said below we did leave a 1 and 3 year old for a week. I don't think the child suffers particularly if they are left with their bonded known carers like their father or nanny whilst the mother's on a business trip or vice versa but it's some parents who don't want that separation. People just differ. My daughter's friend's mother was crying at the air port the other week when they got back from 6 weeks away (the daughter is 20). I didn't miss mine at all in that sense that I'd cry or be over come when she got back.

flightattendant · 02/09/2007 15:59

Divorcee, no, in my case at least it isn't about how I ought to feel...nor is it about how other people would see me.

I don't like the thought of it because I don't like physically or emotionally to be away from my tiny boy for more than a few minutes. A few hours would be painful at this age.

I don't know why, it is purely the way I feel...really, not making it up!

Some people probably don't feel this way, doesn't mean they are worse parents etc. it is just a difference.

It would make me cry to be apart from him for that long.

toomuchtodo · 02/09/2007 20:28

as bouncy said earlier, I've never left my two as I've got no one to leave them with

I'm sure it would be a different story if I had young parents/sister who is willing to have them

unfortunately I've got neither

Blu · 02/09/2007 20:46

All families are different. When I was a baby my grandmother saw far more of me than my father - due to work, the way things were in those days, the fact that my gm lived up the road etc etc. She was almost constant. Being left with her would have made no detectable blip on my consciousness, I'm sure. On the other hand, DP has always shared parenting with me 50/50 - except for the breast feeding - and since he has been old enough to show a preference, DS protested at every absence of mine, (no protest about DP's work trips) until he was 4.

No, personally, I would not have left DS when he was 8 weeks - not emotionally, and it wouldn't have been possible due to bf etc - but if the feeding is sorted and the baby feels safe, I really don't think the baby in question will suffer at all! In reality I don't think it's so much the baby is 'too young to be left' as 'many of us just wouldn't be able to bear to be parted - whether this is rational or not'

Judy1234 · 03/09/2007 23:58

I think it's how it's left. Bowlby's studies were of children left for longish periods, a week or more or in care. Children who were sent away in the war suffered too. It's the losing the people you love and thinking they will never get back that may affect babies but if they're with their granny, nanny, father etc who they are as bonded to as their mother (love thankfully is not rationed in babies to one adult on the planet) then I can't see any problem unless the mother doesn't want to be away that time.

NotAnOtter · 04/09/2007 00:02

i see my role as less dispensable than that Xenia and i think you over simplify bowlby

jcscot · 04/09/2007 08:38

I left my son for an evening with my parents (at my mother's suggestion)when he was 6 days old - my husband and I wanted to go out to dinner before he had to go back to work. KIt was a surreal evening, but I felt no particualr hardship at leaving him. He'll be 1 on Saturday and we've left him with my parents three times for long weekends (3 mths, 6mths and 10mths) and he spends the day with them at least once a fortnight.

My mum told me that he didn't get distressed at all (apart from the usual needing fed/changed etc).

He's a very happy little boy who's affectionate with me and my husband and his grandparents.

I can't see any harm in it but I think it depends on the your own temperament anmd that of your child as well as the relationship you have with him..

Judy1234 · 04/09/2007 11:24

If he's with people he knows and loves that's fine. If you leave a baby with someone they don't know for a week I don't think that ultimately does them much good.

LoveAngel · 04/09/2007 12:14

I left my son with my mum for 5 days when he was 4 months old. I went to New York, accompanying DH on a business trip, and we had a great time. Funnily enough, I miss him and worry about him when we're apart now he is older.

nangnangnang · 04/09/2007 14:03

For anyone feeling guilty about leaving their LOs with grandparents, here's somthing to put it into context: when I was 17 and an au pair in France for a summer a couple who'd met me only for a couple of hours went away and dumped their 8mo DD on me for a week (they were the brother and SiL of the people I was supposed to be working for - they all went to Rome together). The grandparents were around but since they were caring for the 3 year old I was expected to do the bulk of the baby-care, 24 hours a day. I was supposed only to be au pair a 10- and a 7-year-old.

It's years ago but I'm still stunned by their stupidity and horrified at how I would(n't) have coped if anything had gone wrong.

nangnangnang · 04/09/2007 14:04

I should add I'd hardly touched a baby at that age.

kslatts · 04/09/2007 15:11

When dd2 was 4 months old we took dd1 to Disneyland Paris for the weekend. Dd2 stayed with my parents and they took her to visit my nan overnight. I new she was well looked after and had loads of attention the whole weekend. I don't think we did anything wrong.

OonaghBhuna · 04/09/2007 15:29

I couldnt but thats just me, I dont have mych support other than my DH who is very supportive.I left them for a day at 4 months and felt very emotional at leaving them. Its essential to get breaks from them but it makes a huge difference if you have a supportive family with whom you feel you can trust to look after your children.

indiasmum · 04/09/2007 15:40

i daresay its possible but i certainly wouldnt. but maybe thats just me

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