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Parenting

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Original poster

Out of curiosity - could you leave an 8 week old baby to go away for a few days with DH?

271 replies

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:39

This is not for me by the way! My friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was gobsmacked that she has left the baby with her parents and gone away already. Is this normal and I am too over the top with my children to think that leaving them this young is not right? It's not her first child but even so, does anyone else think this is a bit young to be left?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ghosty · 31/08/2007 10:26

I took off with DH when DS was 3 months old for a weekend in a hotel for my 30th birthday. I was on antidepressants and was in serious need of R&R with my husband. DS didn't care. I left him in the capable hands of my sister who took my 8 sheets of typed instructions and chucked them in the bin as soon as we left.
I needed it. I had lost the plot. I needed my husband.
I think that leaving an older baby, say, aged 12 - 18 months is actually harder. My DD was traumatised when I left her with my parents over night once. I think that was more damaging than leaving my DS when he was 3 mths old.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:26

GOH, yes but that's neglect, that's not the odd weekend away!

I am interested in this martyrdom thing, I really am. And I'm not arguing in any aggressive way, I'm just making my point.

Anyway, have to go out now, back later!

hercules1 · 31/08/2007 10:26

How much of this is about the baby or about how parents feel? It seems to be about how parents will feel awful rather than how the child would. WOuld the child really suffer ebing left with grandparents?

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WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:27

(I know you think it's fine CD, was making the point about deserving and undeserving mothers!)

OrmIrian · 31/08/2007 10:28

No I couldn't. Just me. Not sure it would hurt the baby but I couldn't do it.

And I think I would feel a bit differently about the mother if she did that. Not worse neccessarily just differntly.

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 10:28

I left her when she was 14 months for a week too

TBH I really really don't think that parents having a week to themselves in a year is such a heinous crime. My parents always did. I loved it, obv I missed them sometimes but it was exciting and also fab when they came back!

Original poster

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:30

Every parent thinks they deserve their time alone, hell I do BUT still I cannot understand leaving such a young baby. Stone me if you want, but I cannot fathom doing it.

OP posts:

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 10:30

When would you leave them? We first went away for a night when ds was a year old.

I went away for 5 days when dd was 16 months, but I did leave her with dh. Does that count?

Pruners · 31/08/2007 10:30

Message withdrawn

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 31/08/2007 10:32

I left DD1 with my mum and Dad for one night when she was 3 and a half months old. She, of course, was fine. I, on the other hand, was still hormonal and couldn't enjoy myself at all - ringing to check everything was OK every half an hour, which of course it was.

The poster who said it was as much about worrying that your child was keeping your parents up all night was so right. I think that because DD2 is a far more, ahem challenging child, I am very reluctant to leave her with anyone at all, even my own mum. I would feel eternally indebted.

OrmIrian · 31/08/2007 10:32

How do you cope if you are bfing on demand which I was until way after 8 weeks.

ghosty · 31/08/2007 10:33

My parents went away for a whole MONTH when I was a baby ...
And then again when I was 3. We all had the measles when they were away and they didn't know until they came back as the people we stayed with didn't have a phone ...
Imagine that? Going away for a month with no contact?

Original poster

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:33

Tellus, I would never have the opportunity of going away with DH for 4/5 days, no-one to look after my DC but I did leave DD for 2 nights to go away on a hen weekend when she was 4. She was with DH and I loved every minute of it. Just couldn't do it at 8 weeks old though.

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 31/08/2007 10:33

I couldn't, no. I went away overnight and left DS with DH when he was 6 weeks, then left at a ridiculously early hour in the morning to get back. He was fine, it was me that wasn't!
Recently left DS for the first time with someone other than myself or DH, for a few hours, and that was fine. Can't see me being happy to do it overnight for quite a while though. DS is 3 months.

JeremyVile · 31/08/2007 10:36

helenelisabeth - no doubt there will be plenty of people who will judge you based on the fact that you left you dc at 4yo.

Its all very well to look down on another persons choices but there will ALWAYS be something you do that others will disapprove of.

FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 10:41

Do most people think a baby's relationship with its mother is usually the same as the relationship with its father when it is aged 8 weeks? I don't, and I am not being sexist, although I think that might be being implied on here.

Original poster

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:42

I agree Jeremyvile. Of course there will be people who would NEVER ever leave their DC for even a minute and I am not one of them, I just think leaving such a small baby is not something I could comprehend doing. Horses for courses and all that.

I seem to have opened a can of worms though!

OP posts:

Original poster

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:44

F&Z I think a child's bond with its father comes later on especially if BF. Of course, child will look adoringly at father but they seem to need their mother far more at the start.

OP posts:

oranges · 31/08/2007 10:45

I leave ds with my mother all the time now to go away with work (he's 16 months) but at eight weeks he was part of me. I don't think I did anything except hold him.

NadineBaggott · 31/08/2007 10:47

I don't see this as strange, although looking back - a long way! I don't think I would have with No1 but maybe No's 2/3???

Anyway, some mothers go straight back to work so I fail to see how this is different really.

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 10:50

Ahh well I wasn't allowed to bf
so I didn't have that issue

JeremyVile · 31/08/2007 10:50

DS is 17 months and I have only ever been away from him for a few hours a handful of times.
I really cant imagine how it would feel to be away from him for longer.
TBH I wish I had had a break when he was younger because it now wouldn't feel like such a big deal.

ScummyMummy · 31/08/2007 10:50

I would think 8 weeks might be one of the best times developmentally to go away for a few days from the baby's point of view, tbh, as long as it's being cared for by equally doting folk such as grandparents in the parents' absence. Babies are still at the stage when they don't mind being passed about like a parcel at that age as long as they're warm and fed and smiled at and held. It's parental anxiety that generally makes travel in the first few months of a bay's life unusual, I'd have thought. And presence/absence of anxiety is not wrong or right, imo. It just is. I think the benefits of parents getting away could be many and not just about the parents catching up on shagging and lovey doveyness either, important though this may be. My mother in law would have been completely, utterly and totally chuffed if my partner and I had taken a wee trip at this stage and let her get her hands on our boys for a good stretch without the constant hovering presence of their anxious Ma. In fact, I feel a bit sad for her that we didn't do it, in retrospect.

OrmIrian · 31/08/2007 10:51

nadine - the difference is being away at night. I've worked from 3 or months after each baby was born which makes nighttimes even more precious.

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 10:51

Good point scumster

My mum LOVED it!

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