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Original poster

Out of curiosity - could you leave an 8 week old baby to go away for a few days with DH?

271 replies

helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 09:39

This is not for me by the way! My friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I was gobsmacked that she has left the baby with her parents and gone away already. Is this normal and I am too over the top with my children to think that leaving them this young is not right? It's not her first child but even so, does anyone else think this is a bit young to be left?

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Tutter · 31/08/2007 10:11

ps cripes CD - have never heard tell of your birth experience before - sounds a nightmare

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:12

Oh I kbnow that F&Z, but it is mostly used pejoratively on mn so that's why I was asking!

I honestly left my dd without a backward glance, I was KNACKERED and pissed off, those first few months are bloody hard. And DH and I were desperate to spend some time together.

cornsilk · 31/08/2007 10:12

I think it's fine. I didn't with mine but know people who have.

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FrannyandZooey · 31/08/2007 10:14

I would form an opinion about someone who doesn't think that leaving an 8 week old baby makes any difference to the baby, also

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 10:15

I was literally a zombie

I couldn't function any longer without some rest and I couldn't get it at home even if I had someone in the house to help with dd as I wanted to do it myself

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:16

Helenelisabeth, no, it's not as simple as your saying 'of course it;s putting yourself first' and expecting me to agreee that you're right.

I don't agree - anyone who does this isn't necessarily 'putting themselve first', maybe they DON'T THINK IT'S a problem for the baby. As I didn't. I doubt very much this woman thought 'oh my baby will be very upset and distraught and will be disturbed but fuck it, I want a break' - it's much more likely that she thought 'the baby will be fine, my parents are wonderful with him/her, they want to do this, everyone will be well cared for and looked after and my husband and I will get some much needed time together'.

I guess we don't know for sure what the WIQ is thinking but I certainly was thinking the latter not the former.

pooka · 31/08/2007 10:16

Agree with F&Z that "judge" is not a necessarily a pejorative word. To criticize is. But to judge is to simply form an opinion, to almost place someone else's actions in the context of your own. Not necessarily negatively. I personally think that I should have enjoyed my break this summer more and that I am a fool for being so self-pitying while I was away.

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 10:17

And tbh I don't think I HAD bonded particularly well with dd until after the holiday. I was in intensive care for ages then hdu, could hardly hold her for a week. Then I had to have a nurse to look after her and me at home as I was too ill to do it. I never recovered due to lack of sleep. I adored her but I don't think, in retrospect, that I fully bonded until I felt human again

BrownSuga · 31/08/2007 10:17

i couldn't, i can barely leave him for an hour or two while i go to the gym, do shopping etc...

beansprout · 31/08/2007 10:18

I couldn't have done this and probably still couldn't (ds is 2.10 now). Not saying it wouldn't do me some good, I'm just not able to at the moment!

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:18

WWW of course, everyone is different and how we do things we our DC is our decisions BUT sorry, I do think it is a case of putting yourself first. Had she had PND or an illness to get over, I would feel differently but she is fine, it is a case of lets go away and have some fun. Sorry but IMO that is what you do before you have DC, not something you do when you have not long given birth.

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WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:20

OH, so it's about mummy martydom is it helenelisabeth? You don't think once women are mothers they are entitled to go off and do things on their own or with their husbands? And what about fathers? THey mainly go back to work after 5 days, you rarely hear it argued that they're negligent and putting themselves first do you?

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:20

Countess your situation is different, I could 100% understand you needing to get away.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 31/08/2007 10:21

No way I would have done it but I do think each case is different and if the baby already knows the grandparents well then maybe but still not so sure about the does no harm. Cant see though saying that though what harm it would cause and certainly wouldnt be any long term.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:22

Ah so it's ok if you're ill?

So we're down to mothers who are deserving of time and mothers who aren't deserving?

GreatAuntieWurly · 31/08/2007 10:22

ds1 was 3 months old when I left him for the frist time over night, it was for my hen night and the first proper night sleep I had since having him.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:23

And no mention of fathers...

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 10:23

Well I wasn't ill as such
I mean I was "better"
But I was a zombie and couldn't really function

CatIsSleepy · 31/08/2007 10:23

am impressed that anyone's parents would volunteer to take care of an 8 week-old baby for any length of time- damned hard work for them!

if all parties concerned are happy with the arrangement I don't think it would do the baby any harm

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:23

Where's Xenia when you need her eh?

JeremyVile · 31/08/2007 10:24

helenelisabeth - perhaps you could form a panel and issue permission slips to mothers who warrant a break.

WideWebWitch · 31/08/2007 10:24

That's ok then CD, you were a zombie and therefore you were entitled to go away.

I was fine, just wanted some sleep and sex, that's not fine. Althoguh my dh is allowed to want that.

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 31/08/2007 10:24

WWW - why, do you think it is a given right to leave your DC once you have just had them? I don't, I think the DC have the right to their parents being there for them the majority of the time at such a young age. I don't want to get into an argument with you, it it my opinion, I could not do it, I would not do it and YES, I think it is wrong to leave such a young baby for that length of time. If you want to do it, then fine and I am not being a Martyr by not leaving mine for 5 days, just doing what I feel is best all round. If you want to go away and have a break then that is up to you.

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GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 31/08/2007 10:24

This reminds me a bit of my BIL and SIL who have regularly left their DD to spend quality time together.

Cue almost 9 years later, where they go out at least twice a week, and refuse to get out of bed the following day (4.30pm, last Sunday). They regularly go away for weekends - Rome, Paris, various country hotels in Ireland and leave their DD with MIL (She is the only person their DD will stay with now, having been cared for by any Tom, Dick and Harry who didn't have other plans that particular weekend ever since she was a baby)

Their poor DD is positively neglected, although regularly showered with expensive gifts. She potters about on her own just about every Sunday whilst her parents stay in bed all day.

It is possible to take the 'making time for each other' a bit too far. If you don't at least consider your children, then why bother having any?

CountessDracula · 31/08/2007 10:25

I think you are entitled to go away if you want WWW!!!

I spent most of the time on the phone to home tbh (my phone bill at hotel cost more than the holiday!)