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Original poster

MIL booked a weekend away

354 replies

poppet85 · 07/01/2020 07:16

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

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crustycrab · 07/01/2020 10:07

"That's not how headteachers see it I'm afraid"

The headteacher at my DCs school sees it like that. She values family time and holidays and will authorise absence if their attendance overall is above 95%.

As the OP goes to a lot of effort getting her son to school Hmm I'm sure his attendance is fine

JinglingHellsBells · 07/01/2020 10:08

So if you are going @poppet85, are you going to ask school for permission or lie and say your child was ill?

Either way your MIL is a bit silly to put you in this position where she appears not to value education as much as her birthday bash.

(And you ought to put learning to drive on your to-do list. it's a life skill.)

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 10:08

That sums it up for me. Your son is only 5, taking a day off school shouldn't even be something you think twice about.

@SaphfireRose That's not how headteachers see it I'm afraid. It's unauthorised absence unless the parent lies and says child is sick. This impacts on their school attendance figures. Just imagine if ALL parents decided to take their child out for the odd day here and there.

Totally daft comments by you I'm afraid.

Not totally daft. Most headteachers would see this as a positive thing.
We're taking our 5 year old DS out of school for two week this year to visit family in Singapore and the school have been incredibly supportive.

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JinglingHellsBells · 07/01/2020 10:08

That;s ONE school @crustycrab. It's not the legal position.

Notsure94 · 07/01/2020 10:09

I'd take the five year out of school for the day, no question. Buy yourself more time and the journey won't seem so bad. Alternatively look at taking a train. In advance can be cheap and there's the novelty factor which makes it exciting for children.

JinglingHellsBells · 07/01/2020 10:10

Taking your child to see family in Singapore is totally different if it's the only time of year you can go. I still wonder why you can't do it in the 12 weeks of official school hols?

I don't know where you all live, but that is not the accepted behaviour where I am or where my friends have taught.

TatianaLarina · 07/01/2020 10:10

Apart from the fact that this goes completely against her husbands wishes. He wants to go, he wants his family to come with him. Are you always so selfish in your thinking Tatiana?

Selfish is expecting people to take time off work and school and drive 10-12 hours in a weekend. It is not selfish to respect work and school commitments and to prioritise them. Nor is it selfish to consider two small children who don’t travel well. Quite the opposite. If DH wants to go he can.

SaphfireRose · 07/01/2020 10:11

@JinglingHellsBells All absences are unauthorised until the parent gives the child a note to take when they next go to school. How does it matter?

I don't think it is daft at all, I don't think any teacher would have a problem with one day. If they do, that is incredibly daft and petty and I would seriously second-guess if they were a teacher and on the level. It's one....day. Whether for sickness or not, both scenarios still mean one day. As long as the parent phones the school on the day and says he's sick OR writes the child a note on Monday, what does it matter?

crustycrab · 07/01/2020 10:11

I think you need to chill out a bit jingle. It's not just one school. Many LAs will not impose fines for less than 7 days absence.

Many head teachers are supportive of family time if it's occasional.

Sirzy · 07/01/2020 10:11

An unauthorised absence at 5 doesn’t matter in the slightest especially not for one session/day.

crustycrab · 07/01/2020 10:13

12 hours now? Crikey. OP must've moved to Inverness in the last hour 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

howabout · 07/01/2020 10:14

No way would I be taking a 5 and 3 year old on a 5 hour drive each way for an occasion which is actually all about adults / much older DC and their Grannie.

Missing school and work to do so and lack of consultation would be the tin lid.

Strongly suspect the MiL doesn't care if you go or not. If she did she would have asked how to make it work for the little ones. Just send your DH.

FredaFrogspawn · 07/01/2020 10:15

She’ll end up in the Hebrides.

crustycrab · 07/01/2020 10:17

I think she's swimming across to the Shetlands as we speak 😂

CosmoK · 07/01/2020 10:17

Taking your child to see family in Singapore is totally different if it's the only time of year you can go. I still wonder why you can't do it in the 12 weeks of official school hols?

Because both me and DH are working out there so we're making it a working holiday and using it as an opportunity to visit family. The conference dates have been set and we have no control over them. Does that meet with your approval??
When spoke to the school they said they value family time and cultural experiences

Aderyn19 · 07/01/2020 10:17

If you do go by train, check the times for traveling back on Sunday in case there are replacement bus services/cancellations.

Cacacoisfarraige · 07/01/2020 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TryingToBeBold · 07/01/2020 10:18

*but it's quite easy to drive 5 hours without a stop as an adult

^Not it isn’t. And it is not safe either*

Ummm it is quite easy for some of us.

Let's be honest. If your MIL had to cater for every single person going, it would never happen or have to be pre planned 6 months in advance.
Everyone has their own childcare, home and work life and travel issues.
Easier to just say it's at X location on X date. Make it or don't.

crustycrab · 07/01/2020 10:19

And why are people suggesting trains and flying? What a ball ache.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 07/01/2020 10:19

I'd drive up late simply because you're guaranteed to hit daytime traffic on a five-hour drive in the UK (anywhere near towns or cities… or motorways) on a Friday. We've made that mistake before and what should've been a five-ish hour drive took 10 hours. Our friends who left in the evening arrived in four.

Fochit · 07/01/2020 10:20

It would probably make everyone’s life easier if you drove OP.

caperplips · 07/01/2020 10:22

I think lots of posters like to make mountains out of molehills on here. It's not such a big deal to go to a family birthday, since it is a significant one, surely, especially if you like and get on with your MIL?

I would be looking forward to a weekend away in a new place, all the more so if I or my dc had not been there before. But we love travel and are open to it. We're not welded to routine at the weekends.

If it were me, I would take a half day on the Friday and take the dc out of school at lunchtime. Have the car / bags packed from the night before so straight on the road at 1pm. Factor in a dinner break at teatime to avoid some of the worst rush hour traffic and then back on the road. I'd travel 2.5 hours, stop for an hour and then so the final 2.5 hours. Lots of snacks etc in the car and bring pillows / pjs.

Try to make it an adventure for your dc instead of a chore, they'll pick up cues from you!

Equanimitas · 07/01/2020 10:27

If the 5 hour journey is the problem, how about going on Thursday night and staying in a Travellodge or AirBnB half way?

RedskyAtnight · 07/01/2020 10:27

The 5 hours drive would put me off.
Taking a 5 year old out of school for a day (or just after afternoon registration, so he won't be "officially" absent at all would not.

But my parents live 4+ hours drive away, and when I created a thread saying that the distance put us off going there more than a couple of times a year, I was besieged with posters telling me how selfish I was and it was perfectly doable as a weekend trip, even leaving on Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night.
So, as so often with MN, the response differ - I wonder because it is in-laws rather than parents?

3rdNamechange · 07/01/2020 10:27

Do you work Mon -Fri ? Is there a way you could make up a day so you don't have to take AL ?
I'd leave early to miss the traffic , if you leave after work on Friday it'll be very late by the time you get there.
Also then you'll have most of Friday there and the children can have a sleep in the afternoon if necessary.
You could maybe stop for lunch on the way.