MIL booked a weekend away

[poppet85]

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

I could only see this as a nice thing. It's one day off school at 5 years old, not a big deal. No wonder your dh gets annoyed if you say that can't happen.
Its a free break away, and a long weekend. Some people are never happy!

I think it would have been nice for her to check , but I was just asking for suggestions on how to manage it ,we were never not going .
Some helpful and amusing comments thank you ladies ! Some helpful suggestions on how to manage it !

Lorry drivers have to stop after 4.5 hours. Can drive for 9 hours in a day (10 twice a week) so even going by driver regs the ops partner would be fine with one break

I agree she should have checked. A quiet word from your dh about future events would be fitting.

@AttilaTheMeerkat tell me the legislation. They have to stop after 4.5 hours.
That is any time of the day, including driving at night with glaring headlights (more difficult IMO) and that's EU wide so that includes Germany's autobahn, with no speed limit, and tight country roads. 4.5 hours is cautious.

That's half an hour less than this proposed journey time and it's much more taxing driving a HGV than a family car.

GiveHerHellFromUs, do you personally know the mil since you can confidently predict she will cover the childcare in the school holidays? Some mils will, some won't - I've no idea what the OP's mil is like but MN is very keen on telling parents that childcare is their own responsibility and no one owes them help. The OP isn't wrong to plan as if the whole thing is on her and DH.

I'm not trying to discourage her from going - I am sharing my opinion, which is the point of threads.
I hope that if the OP goes and if it turns out her DH has agreed this in advance, that he pulls his weight with the kids and has a plan for the childcare during the school holidays. For some people every day of annual leave really does count.

@Aderyn19 her MILs idea of the perfect birthday celebration is to pay for her whole family to have a weekend holiday together.

She doesn't sound like the standard MN MIL to me. Does she to you, honestly?

What lorry drivers have to do by law while at work is irrelevant to a family outing in a car.

The OP says that it's a 5 hour drive, and for comfort and safety, most people would want/need to stop at least once, during that time.

And there's plenty of ways to make the trip not too taxing if you plan ahead - time the drive to avoid the worst of the traffic - trying to drive between about 9 am and 3/4 pm on the Friday is probably best, plan a stop somewhere for lunch and let the DC run around. Accept that there may be traffic and the need for extra stops along the way.

Until I joined Mumsnet I didnt realise so many people lived such unadventurous lives and that a weekend away which driving a few hours could cause such angst. I am so happy my life is polar opposite.

OP go for it, you may find you all have the weekend of a lifetime.

I recall in a movie where the husband and wife were discussing a weekend at her mum's house and they were discussing their daughter having a day off school and the mum said "she's 6 years old, whats she going to miss? Trigonometry?" That sums it up for me. Your son is only 5, taking a day off school shouldn't even be something you think twice about. Your work though is worth thinking about. Can't you just take a sickie (don't know if you get sick days in the UK, here we get 10 sick days per year, which does not affect annual leave - 4 weeks)?

Since it is a big birthday, I would go. I remember in primary school on at least 2 separate occasions I had to miss a week off school as we were going down to see my nana for a big birthday, and she lived almost a thousand kms away so we had to go by bus or plane. It was no big deal. I was either given some work to take with me or I was able to catch up. The teachers didn't mind. And if they did, they couldn't do anything about it as it wasn't their business (there are no 'fines' or penalties for time off school here, it's up to the parents, and no one else). I don't think my parents ever even considered not going just because I had school. I turned out fine with a uni degree and a Diploma and a Certificate.

So yeah I would definitely go, you're not even going to be doing the driving, someone else your DH is doing that, so apart from chucking a sickie you really don't have to worry about anything. If you don't see MIL often and this is a milestone birthday, definitely go.

Nope. There's an invitation for them to attend for the weekend. There's no demand to take time off work and school.

If, in order to attend, time has to be taken off work and school then that is the implicit demand.

If there is no demand, there’s absolutely no problem with OP’s family not going. She doesn’t want to. Nor will MIL mind in the slightest if they don’t show. OP can not bother with no qualms.

"but it's quite easy to drive 5 hours without a stop as an adult"

^Not it isn’t. And it is not safe either.

Could you fly op?

I would drop to school and collect at 1:30 and start your journey. When you start hitting rush hour traffic it will be around dinner time so you can stop for dinner to let the traffic pass and continue.

@poppet85 Your OP never said you were 'never going', nor did you ask for suggestions on how to manage it. Indeed you were saying you don't want to take DC out of school and talking about how you'd have to take a day off, insinuating you didn't want to go. If going/taking the child out of school was never a question, and you wanted suggestions, why not say so? Your OP is not asking for suggestions at all, it reads as you wanting confirmation that you shouldn't go.

"If there is no demand, there’s absolutely no problem with OP’s family not going. She doesn’t want to. Nor will MIL mind in the slightest if they don’t show. OP can not bother with no qualms."

Apart from the fact that this goes completely against her husbands wishes. He wants to go, he wants his family to come with him. Are you always so selfish in your thinking Tatiana?

GiveHerHellFromUs, honestly I don't know what kind of mil she is. There are plenty of people who would pay for a weekend away because they want to see their dgc but wouldn't want to do childcare and other mils who would willingly do so. One doesn't necessarily equal the other

I don't have time to read 8 pages but for everyone saying take the child out of school....don't schools prohibit taking holidays in term time?

Former teacher here.

You ought not to take a child out for effectively a family party.

I can’t believe people think it’s ok to book a weekend away 5 hours away without checking first!

Op, absolutely no way I’d be going. It’s incredibly rude.

If she’d had a conversation first then maybe, if it was a big birthday and we all got on well. Term time weekends away are a nightmare at that age though, so possibly not.

"but it's quite easy to drive 5 hours without a stop as an adult"

LOL

WE stop almost hourly on that length of journey for wees and a break.

That sums it up for me. Your son is only 5, taking a day off school shouldn't even be something you think twice about.

@SaphfireRose That's not how headteachers see it I'm afraid. It's unauthorised absence unless the parent lies and says child is sick. This impacts on their school attendance figures. Just imagine if ALL parents decided to take their child out for the odd day here and there.

Totally daft comments by you I'm afraid.

No, no one is saying celebrating a family birthday is a crime.

MIL probably thought she was doing something nice for her family. It's the sort of thing my ILs would do but they would be doing it for the nicest reasons and I wouldn't hold it against them. I'd actually look forward to it.

The travelling really shouldn't be be an issue. Make the journey there part of the holiday and plan nice places to stop off.

Jingling you go to the toilet every hour?

I've driven over 5 hours with kids plenty of times and only stopped once. They were fine and well entertained with bits and bobs they'd brought along. Nobody's bladder exploded either

Get the kids into pyjamas and leave at 6.30pm. You'll arrive before midnight, they'll sleep most of the way and you'll avoid the awful Friday rush hour traffic.

For a motorway drive on a Friday 7-8 pm is the worst time by far for traffic.