To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

oh dear. your attitude is the problem. winter happens every year, school run or not. yes it does make life with a toddler hard but it's not the end of the world.

i also highly recommend getting a part time job. it's not always about making money it's about having a change of scenery, adults to talk to. even if it's just a couple of hours - trust me on this one!

I found this after becoming a single parent & having to finish work due to health issues. I would drop ds at school at 8.45, some days I would go shopping, others straight home, do the washing up, run the hoover round, put a wash on, have some lunch, watch some television, prepare tea, then it was time to go back to school. I would collect ds, then back home, he would play while I got tea ready, we would have tea, do his reading or maths, clear tea things away, sort everything for morning then it was time for bath, story & bed for ds, I would get ready for bed at the same time, make myself a snack & drink, take those up to my room & watch television or read until it was time to go to sleep before doing it all again the next day. Two afternoons a week ds was picked up by his dad who returned him home at 6.30pm & i only had to do bath & bed, on those days I used to go to visit my partner as soon as i had dropped ds at school, spend the day with him & return home in time for ds coming home. EOW ds went to his dad's but on the weekend he was at mine, we visited grandparents or he played at home.

How far are any amenities like library, childrens' centre or sports centre? Could you take a bus to those where there might be Rhyme time, activities or swimming once or twice a week. If there is only one playgroup locally could you start another one, I bet you are not alone in feeling isolated.

Feel your pain OP, I don't drive and those days at home can be very long and tedious.

I've somewhat forgotten about the housework, DH watches the children for a few hours at the weekend and I play catch up.

Do take up those offers to go to the park, the other mums will have been in your position before and will be more than happy to chip in and play with your two year old as well.

Get a bike and a trailer. My toddler prefers that to pushchair. Push it when you walk with your four year old. Or she could cycle too. Quicker.

Get a balaclava, better than hat. Wellies with fleece lining for toddler. All in one and thermals. Just go out.

Wrap up warm and you can stay out longer. Make sure you are wrapped up warm too. Get a thermal cup for your tea/coffee/hot choc.

Do you have a touch of pnd? Don’t rule it out. Think about it. If so help is available...Dr/HV.

If you’ve not got £25 a week spare for driving lessons then you’re not really living “comfortably” off your dp salary are you. That’s bordering on scraping by.

I feel you OP. My kids daily routine is repetitive. I'm lucky I live across the road from the school but with all of their after school activities and football games on the weekends I feel I don't have much of a life outside of being a mother. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and the pride of being their mother but it can get a tad bit repetitive and dare I say it dull at times.

I think the biggest problem is that you are a bit trapped at home once you get back from school as the trip on foot with toddler is enough. Could you pack stuff to stay out for the day sometimes and go into town , swimming with him ir snything you can think of . It's the winter which is making this more horrible. When I was a sahm years ago i got very depressed in the winter . Can you cultuvate a friendship with another toddler mum and spend the odd day together ? Learning to drive woukd help a lot.

You are doing a brilliant job, and it is a job.
Could you try and do one nice thing for yourself one day a week?

Reduce the housework? Not as in, get a cleaner, but consider whether what you are doing has to be done daily.
Ironing uniform - unless it's a woollen cost/linen shirt that is going to crumple - don't iron it.
Put the washing on when kids are in bed.
Do you have local baby groups that you could go to?
Could you invite someone over to yours with their small child? The little ones could play whilst you caught with people.
Or just wrap up warm/dry and take the younger one out to the park anyway.

Pay for the 2 year old to have care and get your hair done....look round the shops.....anything?

Do you cycle? Get a bicycle with a child seat attached and you and the 2 yr old will be able to get around much faster. The 4yr old can scoot along next to you on the pavement to and from school while you pedal slowly. Loads of families in my neighbourhood do this.

Nothing wrong with not driving, you just have to live somewhere appropriate.

I would let the toddler walk as much of the way home as possible as well.

I think it's what you make it. Why are you doing jobs all day? Take the two year old to playgroup and leave the housework for a bit.

Its a bit unfair that you are getting a battering for staying at home and raising your children. Be thankful you can have that luxury and well done for deciding to do it. What did you expect when you had children ? did you not realise they would have to be educated and that if you dont home school them they would have to be sent to the local school ? Find a hobby or start an Open University or some other course to occupy your mind but stop feeling sorry for yoursef

The playgroups are for you too op, to chat with adult company.
your toddler will get used to it, go straight after the school run to playground/library/swimming/feed ducks and then home
the problem is a full school day is too long and also not long enough i totally understand.

Ironing school uniform ... lol

Well tbh I'm not sure that I'd be learning to drive purely for a mile walk!

Obviously handy in very shit weather, but not necessary day to day.

I also agree why can't toddler walk home, go to park on way home?

Or yes, cycling if possible.

I don't understand how op doesn't have time to play with the toddler because she's doing housework but can't do anything until he's asleep. Housework isn't that important that it's the only thing to be done all day every day.

Usually I work ft, so school runs, housework and everything else (DDs clubs, classes, play dates) as well as having time to play with her. Currently on maternity leave so my day resembles OPs a fair bit in terms of school runs but housework takes around 30 minutes, I play with the baby, prep evening meals, nap, meet up with friends and soon we'll start going to groups. All of the excuses from the OP are just that, every one of them has solutions that PPs have suggested but why let that get in the way of the self pity woe is me right?

Bus or Uber the journey so your toddlers not so grumpy?

Move closer to school?

Find a mum to share school runs with?

Find other toddler groups?

Snowsuit for 2yo?

Soft play in mornings?

Job 2 days pwk and breakfast club/ after school/ nursery/ cm?

Can dp not do school run to breakfast club sometimes?

Spend Sunday’s on driving lessons not ironing?

I hated the school dictating the day too op!

Go to the park and let the toddler run around, he’ll warm up quick enough then let him walk back. It’ll be slow but he’ll enjoy it more.

Chill about housework. Unless you live in a palace then just do the washing up, vacuum and a 10 minute pickup of all loose stuff in a basket. Little and often, there just isn’t that much housework to do really.

Drawing, train sets, little cars etc can all be done happily indoors and take no time to tidy away.

Go to as many toddler groups as you can and don’t get fixed on nap times. Second children have to be more flexible and they are. Do the activities that make the day fun and nap inbetween.

Being a SAHM is often boring but you can make it a lot less drudgy. If housework is super important to you then put some music on, give the toddler a cloth, dustpan and brush, duster etc and crack on.

Ffs!

What a pile on this thread is!

OP doesn't want to work clearly and can't afford to learn to drive. Personal choices.

OP I understand. My life is completely dictated by a 1 year old who will not sleep. My life revolves around his naps. People tell me to 'get out' and don't understand that I simply can't.

This time of year is hard. I'd usually put him in his pram and go for a walk whilst he slept which is impossible some days now.

Are there any soft play places around the school? You could do straight after school run? Or a cafe for breakfast?

Stick him in front of the telly and get the washing upstairs. My 1 year old is a kids YouTube genius at this stage but I don't even care because I need to do stuff without him climbing on me all day.

Hi, could you get an evening or weekend job in something a little social like hospitality or retail and use the money you earn to learn to drive and then to get a car. (Is your partner home to have the kids evenings or weekends?)

gobsmacked at the unsupportive the OP is getting, it's parenting NOT aibu.

op. The school run can be a bit of a relentless chore, particularly in cold/winter etc, and I'm also not one of these hardy no wrong weather only inappropriate clothes types, I genuinely wish I was!

I agree with the previous posters about taking up those coffee invitations in the park. Cake and or a play might cheer your toddler up despite the cold, it's a worth a try.