To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

No more comments please. I won't be responding. It's not as simple as go get a job and learn to drive you lazy making excuses mum. Thanks for pointing out my life's shit though. Point taken!

If you are keen to work then there are ways around it. You can use before and after school clubs or there's lits of childminders that offer wrap around care and will drop/collect children from school. There are options.

I say this politely but i do think you are being a little defeatist about it and writing off a whole season. Invest in some warmer outdoor gear and walk to places after the school run. A soft play or play group, surely there's more options? Are there other parents of young children at your child's school you can team up with?

My god, you've spectacularly missed the point. Nobody has said your life is shit, quite the opposite.

You pointed out how "shit" you thought it was at the moment, pps pointed out it's actually quite good.

If you haven't a spare £100 a month then it's absolutely worth thinking about a job though. Your mental health sounds like it would also benefit

lower your standards,
enjoy your lo

learn to cut corners op

The problem is in the nicest possible way is your defeatest attitude. 10-2 jobs do exist but you have to look for them.

Wrap up your kid and take him out. Toddlers are like dogs, they have to be walked twice a day or they wreck your house.

It's not about going to work. I like looking after my kids

You just said you hadn't enjoyed it since September though You can't really said "Oh I enjoy being a SAHM, but only when the weather's nice." Also, I've never met a toddler who didn't enjoy being outside in the rain/mud playing, so if he's moaning and upset he's obviously not being kept warm enough or isn't being entertained. The excuse about his nap and play group is also not really good enough. If it's the only opportunity to go to one that week, which I find hard to believe to be honest, then I'd say it's more important to break your routine for that one day and take him. Or if not, like some others have said, put the housework down and bloody play with him during the day.

I find it a bit hard to sympathise to be honest when I work full time Mon-Fri (in a job I love, so no resentment here) and send my child to nursery, but still manage to keep on top of the cleaning, ironing etc without family assistance and actually play with my child when he's at home!

Puddle jumper suit & a pair of wellies & get that poor toddler running around the park!

I know this isn't a quick and easy fix at all but it sounds like you live in the wrong place for someone who doesn't drive and has a toddler who would benefit from going to stay and plays. Would you and DP be opening to moving somewhere that would give you a better lifestyle. I think if you don't drive its vital to live somewhere that is near to things to do.

Toddlers have so much energy. He needs to use some up. Can he walk part of the journey? He would keep warmer that way. You can't just make him spend half the year in a pushchair then in the house. I worked part-time when my DC were small but I'd have gone stir-crazy not getting out and about with them on my days off. Is there any public transport you can use?

Can't you let the 2 year old join in the chores? Then he's with you and won't be escaping anything. Yes it takes longer, no it doesn't get done as well but it gets done and you are doing it together. Mine love having a feather duster or damp cloth to help and will 'help' sort washing. I used to have one day off with mine and would feel so guilty because she would crash most of morning watching Peppa while I did my jobs that also needed sorting that day but actually she needed it after a full on week of nursery and then we'd play in the afternoon. She would often come and help me I between episodes, it worked well really.

What is it with the twats claiming to "do all that and go to work"? Unless you take your toddler to work with you, you don't. You outsource that part of day-to-day parenting.

Some people like to find any reason to try to appear superior to SAHMs. Grow up.

You need to find more things to do with your youngest. Could you catch a bus after drop off and go to your local library, swimming, Tesco or somewhere. Join the PTA to give yourself something different to do (a lot can be having coffee at someones house - adults plan a cake sale, younger kids play together). Winter can be tough - it will improve when the weather improves. It does get a bit boring and tedious at times but I never had the urge to 'go back to work' - now that was boring and tedious.

I’m not knocking you, OP, but you’ve made a decision to stay at home to be able to provide full tome childcare and do the school run. So that’s what you have to do.

Personally, I went back to work at this stage because I was bored shitless with it all. But this isn’t about me.

You’re glaring practical issue is not driving. Learn to drive. The freedom and reduction in faffing about with two children on foot will change your life.

Take people up on the coffee after school run and bribe the toddler with a cake and some YouTube on your phone. A bit of socialising for you is worth it.

Your

Don't spend all Sunday ironing. Wash them, fold them and put them to dry on the airer or radiators and they won't be creased.

Are you married? If not and you don't have your own income then by not working and relying on your partner's wage you're putting yourself into a rather vulnerable position.

Work is doable with a childminder. They either have a big car/minibus or they walk to and from school. It won't be just you who pays the fees either because they're your partner's dc as much as yours so he's as much responsible for their care as you are.

Why don't your children have scooters to get to school? We live a mile away from school and have always scooted (and now cycled when they got older). Then at least you can get that done. It sounds like you could do with some company so I'd prioritise meeting with others even if that means missing a nap. Your youngest is 2, I'd take company over a nap. You just sound lonely to me. And it's fair enough if you don't want to work, just find more stuff to do at home and out so you're not just doing housework. You can't get these years back so don't waste it ironing uniform.

I'm not sure how messy your house could possibly be if you are cleaning it all day, every day while your dd is at school!
I work from home as a childminder and ofter have 3 toddlers or 2 toddlers and a a baby in the house, also have 2 of my own children at school and I don't spend all day cleaning my house.

Learn to drive, you will feel so much more freedom. Trust me.

@AdriannaP bit patronising

@Kitkatcuppa try soft play with your little one, tie it in with school run if you can to break it up. Not sure why some posters are being so scathing, you’re asking for help. No need to kick someone while they’re down, motherhood can be isolating.

No I enjoy working a lot. I actually really love my job. But also manage a school drop off a a chores (with DH) and even take the kids outside.
On the way back from the school run why can’t your toddler part of the way home?
If it’s cold but not wet you can go to the park?
You can sort out the washing downstairs and merely put it away upstairs when you go up at the end of the day.
Get your kids to tidy up their stuff before bedtime. You can help but both of mine know that 6:30 means they tidy up downstairs (they are 7 and 3) and I (or DH and I) do the kitchen.
So if you come back after 9, and your toddler naps in the afternoon, what happens between 9 and lunch time? And then post 4 pm? That’s a good six hours. It can’t take six hours to do housework a day.
I have also taught the kids that when we go out they tidy up first. So at 2:20 you get your toddler to help you tidy up so when you leave at 2:45 the downstairs is tidy.
Yes I get that your older daughter wants to come home at the end of the day but he can have a snack on the way back, they come in, you play with them a bit, then make dinner, eat, play some more, reading, tidy up and go upstairs for bedtime? Would that routine work?
Why can’t DH iron the uniform?
Surely packing bags takes exactly 5 mins?
Can’t you go into town from the school run? Do something with the toddler or take the toddler to a park near the school. Then once he’s tired he can have a snack on the walk back home.
I will admit that a 30 min walk twice a day is a LOT for a 4 year old no matter the weather.

MN can be a bit funny about SAHMs

I would suggest:

1. Scaling back the housework - spend ten mins in the morning and ten mins in the afternoon having a quick tidy up, but beyond that, I would set aside a few hours once a week to give the house a more thorough going over.

2. Scheduling more activities for your toddler. I don't necessarily mean classes, play groups etc (this are great but can be expensive) but rather 'ok this morning we are going to feed the ducks 10-11' - having some structure can help make it feel less monotonous

3. Looking into something for you to do that doesn't involve the kids. This doesn't have to be work (although would you consider doing 1 or 2 evening shifts each week once your DH was home and the kids were in bed? Could be an opportunity for you to earn a bit of money and get out the house?) You could do evening classes/part time study etc?

Also people sometimes say after the school run come and meet me in the park for a coffee. I have to say I can't because they don't understand my son's already been out in the cold for an hour and he doesnt want to sit in it for another two whilst I sit and chat

But surely he’d be playing at the park, so running about and having fun

Could you get your ds a push along trike, he trikes & you push

You wouldn't just be working to pay for childcare.

You would be working to pay into a pension, pay your NI etc improve your self esteem, be with adults during the day, professional development etc etc the longer you leave it the less likely you will be able to get any type of job at all.

To put it in perspective I do the school run - do a full day working - do the school pick up as well. I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home a couple of days a week so I can put washing on and pop hoover round other than that it has to be done around when we work.

I went back to work when DS was 7 months as a lot of women do. We only get to do parks and coffee on a weekend.

It's not a competition - I'm not moaning but I can't see how you're always chasing your tail when a lot of people manage to do it all with a 37 hour job in between.

Honestly put the 2 year old in childcare - even just a couple of days a week or mornings or whatever and get a part time job - you won't have time to get lonely - even if you use the time to go to a yoga class or something.