To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah I don't think anyone ever appreciates some superwoman boasting about how they can cope with all that and more. Also its not advice its just an ego boost.

Yes, and even with their self inflated description, I still dont see any resemblance of superwoman

Syria?
What has that got to do with it ??
My dm used to say to me ‘worse things happen at sea’ it was ridiculous. Minimising everything that ever happened to me or that I was upset about it doesn’t help at all

A mum comes on here to say she's abit fed up with this winter. It's her first winter since being a mum that she's had to do school runs. She's stated for a majority of the year she's able to go to town, parks etc and catch up with friends. It's just lately it's been raining alot and bad weather. Resulting in her small son feeling abit fed up and crying in his pushchair.

I suspect the op doesn't let him out to walk if it's pouring with rain and tries to just get him home to shelter. As a mum to two young kids I also know taking a child to a wet muddy grassy park can end in tears after ten minutes. Cold cheeks, runny noses and chilly hands from grumpy tots that don't want to wear mittens. I've been there many times.

I don't think the point of her post was I hate being a SAHM I want to work. I've lost my identity and I'm depressed was it. I think she was meaning isn't winter abit crap for going outdoors.

She has stated there are parks and a town centre near her. I messaged her yesterday and we had a private talk. She explained to me that she's a mile from the highstreet. She explained the soft play is two miles up the other side of town and abit run down. There's a bowling alley and cinema too but her son's obviously too young for that. So for all the people saying she lives in a shite area she doesn't it's just her son's a little bit too young to be doing miles in his pushchair in the cold weather. I've been there many a time with my kids.

As for the competition women have tried to win on this thread. There are many different types of families. Plenty of mums stay home with their young children for various reasons. Plenty work part time. Plenty work full. Everything is considered in all families and I don't believe you can tell her it's am excuse. You don't understand her set up. If she gets any help. If her family are helpful. Who would she call when her kids are ill? Who will babysit in the school holidays? Don't presume there's an affordable child care option here. Also don't presume because she's abit fed up she wants to give her young son over to other people yet. Don't presume everyone wants the same things as you want and choose.

She has taken advice from this thread. She stated last night she is going to order some activities to do with him inside so they can enjoy the day more. She has explained enough times why she irons her kids uniform. You don't know how creased it is and I can't believe you think your experts on a uniform you haven't seen. Some materials do crease. I think you get what she meant. You do school runs all week. Then your washing and ironing and doing homework or reading books or polishing shoes and food shopping and trying to catch up on a million things on a Sunday. Sometimes it's the only day the other half can watch the kids.

Being a sahm is hard as is working. We all have highs and lows. There are good and bad points to both. There are plenty of reasons we should respect and support people for whatever they choose.

I'm sure the op has taken onboard the nice bits of advice. I'm sure she's been distracted by the posts being bitchy. Such as the working mum who is shattered and is ready for this long term to end. She has no sympathy for the op as she works. Or the lady showing off about her career and saying she pays tax credits for her. Or the person saying you sound a horrible person no wonder nobody invites you to play. There are some sad people out there. What did you expect the op to say? She said I plan to learn to drive eventually. How many women on this thread told her that's an excuse. Asked her why she can't afford it. Suggest she asks for lessons for a gift. A gift from who for what? What makes you think her family pay out that sort of cash for her birthday once a year? She said she can get to town but once the baby has been in his pushchair and hour already he's ready to play etc. Agreed! He probably won't have the patience at this age to be wheeled into town and around shops. He's not even two yet he's not interested in shops and if he gets fed up op will be trying to stop him going mad in the middle of boots. Again I've been there.

Literally full of judgey little cats on here. Thankfully there have been some nice replies to her on here. Hopefully that helps her realise (if she bothers coming back) that some people can just listen and understand because some of us have been there ourselves! Sahm are not given enough credit!!! It's not always that simple to be flexible and have it all. So stop thinking it is because you have done it whilst standing on your head and more.

Good luck op! I'm sorry people have little sympathy. I think it's probably because they are miserable bitter women who hate their own lives more than they admit

Google play@home, which is on the nhs Scotland. It has lots of ideas for toddlers on its activity sheets. It uses items found around the house, rather than buying specific activities.

Can you afford an extra school kilt and polo shirt, to relieve the pressure on you in the evening?

And try to connect more with other parents, even if you think you have little in common. Maybe Offer petrol money and get a couple of mornings or afternoons without the walk.

Can your mum put her ironing to one side and you can spend some time together or take the toddler to play for a wee while? Are you both in a rut?

Well said @Londongirl86 well said!

Brilliant post @Londongirl86

This whole tread is like MN bingo with the silly suggestions:
“just learn to drive”; (yes, it’s really easy to drum up £1k and schedule in lessons around young DC)
“take an Uber every day”(WTF?! I live in London where Ubers are plentiful and cheap but even I wouldn’t do that)
“put DS in warm clothes..” (why has this been repeated 100 times? Do people think the OP takes him out in a T-shirt and shorts?)

I have 2 young DC and work FT. I do not have the patience, skills or inner resources to be a SAHM. I just don’t. It is tiring juggling the DC and working but for me it is infinitely easier than saying at home and I’m calling bullshit on the judgemental working parents who are sneering at the OP because they work FT and think she has it easy as she is ‘only’ a SAHM. You don’t know the OP or her precise situation so how on earth do you know her life is easier than yours or that it would be better for her to place her child in childcare and go to work?

I’m lucky I have flexible employers and my job is very well paid so DP & I can outsource and pay for after school care, clubs for the DC, family trips on the weekends etc. I am full of admiration for SAHPs (including the OP who has responded with great restraint in the face of some deeply unpleasant comments) who do a hugely important and under appreciated job.

I actually understand where she is coming from as my child also started school this September and I'm home with the little one. For the first six weeks I was dropping her off and clock watching. Didn't know what to do with myself for a while. It's a new life and it is a big change to go from having two children home full time (apart from nursery) to loosing your eldest 30 hours a week.

I have been kinder too myself now and I come home and make myself a nice drink like a cappuccino or a latte. I enjoy half hour of cuddles and Tele with my little one. Sometimes we pop to the shop and to see a family member. Like you though I'm also stuck for things to do at this time of the year. I used to take my daughter to the park for picnics etc before she started school. Dynamics have changed now as the friends we met up with are now at school too. I'm actually shocked at people on this post for getting annoyed at a mum who can't work right now and can't afford to drive. It's not like she just shouted at you all. She threw some good sarcasm at couple of rude unkind people telling her she has done it to herself. Like it's a massive shock that a mum is home with her one and four year old. Plenty of mums go to work when they are older but find it's easier to be home through these years. One of the reasons I'm not going to work again yet is my kids take it in turns all winter to be poorly and id be sacked for my poor attendance. Also I don't have anyone to do an emergency school collection. Aswel as for me I want this time with my children.

The person who said she sounds germ obsessed. Did you not read her son had pneumonia in the spring? Imagine her being cautious when 8 months ago her son was hooked up on a drip and having antibiotics pumped into him. Horrendous time I expect!!! Can kill people you know? How do you know her son is not weak? How do you know how long he was ill for? Or are you also unsympathetic for a little boy struggling to breathe?

Honesty disgusted at this thread. Probably one of the worst ones I've ever seen on here!

@Londongirl86 and @Eastie77 Great posts from both of you and we certainly need more people like yourselves on here.

Well said @Londongirl86. I'm very new to MN but the cattiness on some of the posts here really surprises me.

I'm a working mum but have 1-2 days at home with my little one too. I can honestly say that is a harder day for me than coming into the office!

Some people on here seem adamant to shoot other (mainly) women down rather than building them up, or even offering constructive suggestions.

The problem is MN is full of people who have lives a lot more difficult than the OPs. The women on here aren't agony aunts, they will give advice but theyre not going to sugar coat everything and I'm sure some people will be a bit pissed off at someone with a much easier life than them coming on t on bhave a moan about how shit their life is.
In the original post the OP said they loved a comfortable live off her dhs wage, obviously people are going to advise her to learn to drive, when most of her post was about walking to school in the cold and wet with a cold, unhappy toddler in a pram. Only in her last post has she said that she can't afford to learn to drive.
Sometimes people get completely obsorbed into their own misery and need a bit of a reality check.
If you do feel as though you are suffering from depression OP, speak to a doctor. People on MN can't help you with that.

@LolaLollypop I know I'm fairly new too. It seems like people read original posts and think let's attack. Yes people offered nice ideas like snow suits, leaving the housework and enjoying more time with the baby. But then she was advised to change her whole life incase she's dumped aswel! Like it's easy to go find jobs that work so perfectly around school and holidays etc. I bet half the people thinking it's that simple have supportive family helping out with the kids for free. I see it all the time. A majority of kids at my daughter's school are collected by Grandma's. I actually have never met one girls mum. The grandma does all the school runs and has a younger one in a buggy. There mum obviously works full time. But I bet she wouldn't if she didn't have her mum to do it all for her. Not everyone has these options. Childcare for two kids in the holidays and after school and one child in school time will be expensive. I put my child in nursery for 6 hours a week at 2.5. it was ,£109 a month!

@Thestrangestthing what a weird thing to say. So are you saying it's harder for a working mum? Are you saying someones feelings only count if nobody is worse off.

Would you believe life can be hard for rich and the famous and the poor? Can you believe some people can't cope with their feelings after a new baby. Others love those early weeks. Someone working 30 hours a week could be laughing with their colleagues and go home refreshed after a day with adults. The stay at home mum might love baking. But she might also get fed up and not see a way she can find herself again right now. There are also working mums who probably feel sad and wish they didn't have to work so they can see their children. People don't all fit into one box. How can you decide she's got it easier than you or anyone else. We don't know her life story. You really should try and look past your own ideas and get over yourself. Working isn't necessarily harder than being home. I don't see why it's a competition anyways. If you can't sympathise or join in with a grumble bore off and go do something else. She's not asked for an agony aunt. You are acting like experts though ironically

Also the decision whether to go back to work is a huge one for all mums which is why it's annoying to be told to go back to work or leave work as if they've never given the other option any thought. There are pros and cons to any choice and it's fine to make a decision and not be 100% happy all the time and moan about the bad bits. I'm not a big fan of misery top trumps anyway.

Like it's easy to go find jobs that work so perfectly around school and holidays etc.

It definitely isn't easy. It's even harder when you're not even looking.

@PanicAndRun why does she need to look? Her job raising her children for a few years. She's bored because it's the middle of winter. She's not said she is climbing the walls depressed and hates life has she.

Don't get me started on those "you just juggle the holidays with AL, holiday clubs etc" you're really not selling it to me

Toddler groups...there are probably more than you realise around. Check with local churches and community centres about what's on during the week. We have a local church cafe that just has a little room with some toys little slide etc for the kids and you can get a cheap coffee etc.

Local library's even tiny ones always have things on for children...if not just going there to get some books out weekly is an activity.

Excellent post Thestrangestthing

@SnuggyBuggy ofcourse they do. They drop the kids at childcare for others to deal with for them whilst they earn (fair enough) but it's no different to a mum with the kids full time. They just think it's harder for some reason lol? Technically their kids are out the way whilst they work so they should be using a normal amount of energy up.picking them up and making tea is no harder for them than collecting your children from school yourself and doing tea. I bet they dont believe I sahm have to wash pots and pick up toys and put little people to bed too. Just like them they don't know how easy they have it getting paid whilst their kids are looked after. Lucky devils (only aimed at the sarcastic working mums who think they have a harder life than a mum taking care of her children)

Ohhh Shroedinger's working mum.

Both piss easy and not in any way harder than staying at home and practically impossible.

@Londongirl86

Yours is probably the best post I’ve ever read on this subject (and there have been so, so many!!) I’m sure plenty of women (myself included) don’t realise how hard being a SAHM is until they do it themselves. Maternity leave doesn’t count, as it’s temporary.

Op- if you’re still reading- I hope you’re feeling a little better now. I also hate the winter and think it makes like so much harder

*life, not like! Stupid autocorrect

@Londongirl86 people should keep your post for the next time (and it won't be long ) comes up, it sims it up quite nicely.

No one expects agony aunts or sugar coating, just basic manners and decency.