To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

Life is what you make it. If you want more fun, make it happen.
I never did laundry on the weekend when I was at home with the kids. Mid week worked just as well. Sunday was for relaxing, and spreading the Sunday paper on the floor to have a good read, spending time with Dh and the kids. Monday was for clearing it all back up and getting on with jobs.

Uber is a great idea....free up some time and energy.

Perhaps make yourself a little timetable to avoid your time being swallowed up by chores , Also visit GP to check for low mood.

Please don't home educate just because you a bit tired and fed up.

Hi @Kitkatcuppa

You have had a hard time on here (some may say understandably,) But I do feel the 'why don't you WORK,' and 'why don't you learn to DRIVE' comments are a bit annoying. However, as a pp said, at least you don't have to work as well! This really is a case of 'Count Your Blessings.'

I mean, it's not fair to have a go at you, as you are entitled to feel how you do, but from what you've said, you really do have a blessed life.

And there will be holidays soon, Christmas soon (great fun with little ones!) then half term, 2 weeks for Easter, ANOTHER half term, then the summer again.

And as they get older they can walk to school, so you will get your time back.

All the best, but your life sounds pretty good!

The post by @IfNot at 8.37 was excellent. Give that a read.

If you home educate a lot of areas have groups and even forest schools you can drop the kids off for a few hours from age 3 here and then you’d have time for housework but tbh taking that long school run and associates school stress out of the equation may ease things
We have sports clubs here too for HE kids. Meet ups etc and of course daily at home you can do any activities/learning/trips

I clawed my way into a job in a school 4 months after ds started school last year.Im a dinner lady which means I can do the school runs but still earn money.Ring or write to the schools near you and see what's available or ask if you can leave your details for any future vacancies.

People have preconceived ideas that HE kids sit in solitude but they don’t they mix loads it’s just not a precise timetable.
It’s hard work just it works better especially for families where like the OP the ‘traditional’ schooling regime is causing stress

Get a bike with some sort of trailer to speed up the school run etc.

Also, you could get a mother's help - they either play with child or help you with housework. Also think about a cleaner - though half the issue there is the actual tidying!

Not everyone can afford to run a car.Yes, to another poster, some people will struggle to find 25 spare quid a week. Let's make them feel like utter fucking failures, shall we?

O/p has said they are “living comfortably” on her dp’s wage. To me that’s not worrying about £100 a month.

I thought i was fine as a sahm for a while after i lost my job. Then dh lost his so i went back to work full time. The difference in my self esteem is huge- people being nice to me, appreciating what i do, getting out the house and being me rather than x’s mum.

Plus it’s meant dh has had to step up with childcare and housework so we have fallen out of that habit where wifework falls to me and there’s a more even split.

Personally i couldn’t find a school hours job. But now dh is working again- part time- depending on his work load one of us drops off and the other picks up. Kids are in nursery/afterschool club two days a week.

Sometimes it’s about balance and both parents sharing the load, rather than one (nearly always the mum) doing all the childcare and housework...

I don’t understand how you don’t get time to play with your 2 year old? No ones house needs cleaning/tidying all 6 hours a day 5 days a week. And surely if you were having time to go to the park before then you have time now to play, be it in house, at the library, soft pay etc... what about after school? You don’t need to be outside in the sunshine to be able to play with your children.

As someone who does the school run, on foot, in rain most days. Goes to work all day and then does the same again at the end of the day your life sounds pretty amazing to me! I have to do my housework in the evening once the kids are in bed. Or my house is a mess, which is hardly the end of the world. Our children are similar ages but I have a childminder to look after my toddler as I am the main breadwinner so have not got the option to be a SAHM. I would love to have that option.

Could you be depressed, or have seasonal affective disorder?

Mercer.

Iron.

Anything.

If husband wants things ironed, he can do it.

Never that should say!

could you cycle to school instead of pushing pram ,with a tag a long carrier for the children,be much quicker

Some of us do all this and then go to work. Stop moaning and enjoy all the free time you have

Are you seriously implying that only women who work can have a moan?

Is there a reason you're not working?
What's it got to do with you? Are you trying to shame a SAHM?

If I work who's going to do the school runs and feed my kids?

Erm....a childminder?

What's wrong with OP wanting to do it herself? We don't all want/need childminders you know.

Imagine having to do all this and work as well?

Your choice to work. What do you want, a big shiny medal? And you're not 'doing all this' if you're at work are you?

This thread is a disgrace.

I'm a SAHM living in a three bedroom house and it takes me one whole day or two half days to do all the housework. It takes 15 minutes every evening to iron mine and the two kids clothes for tomorrow. The other four days of the week are mine except hanging up the washing and putting it away, and cooking dinner. It shouldn't take you all day everyday to clean and tidy!

I take my youngest child to one baby class that I pay for, a free baby class at the library for 0-5 years and a Mother & Baby group, also free to attend and I get a free cup of coffee and a biscuit. Some of my friends go to the soft play and take their little ones swimming, all indoor activities. Have a look online and see what's in your area. If a friend invited me for coffee, I'd go. If the coffee is outside let your little one out the pushchair for a run around. Housework can wait!

I work part time at a school 11 till 2. Contact local school asking for work. Go online and find a list of toddler activities in you local area. There will be more than you expect. Ring the library they usually have something on one day a week. Dont stay in the house all day doing housework its depressing. You just go round in circles too. Take your toddler swimming too it will be good fun.

Farkin hell. There are some right... so and sos out there aren't there? What kind of person, on a site called MUMSNET puts the boot in like that when someone posts feeling blue and down??

Yep, there's some horrible, horrible people on this thread. Nasty.

I would say learning to drive would be a life changer.

Gosh OP is being given a rough ride, she’s asking for help.
OP I’ve been in a similar position, although I do drive. What saved my sanity was doing lots of activities with my toddler. Playgroup, toddler dance, messy play, library, play dates. Do any of your elder child have younger siblings and you could have a play date with them, take it in turns to host? Take them into town and see things. Museums etc. Forget the house or do bare minimum and set aside a few slots a week to do that otherwise it takes over. Enjoy the time with your toddler doing things with them before they’re off to school! It soon passes and then life seems different again. Wishing you the very best.

Warm outdoor clothes can be tricky for refusenik toddlers. With one of mine, dressing up was the answer. Coat? Forget it. Padded Mr Incredible outfit? Yes please. Perhaps you could try to find a warm hooded outfit that would suit your DS, OP.

I was also thinking bike for the school run - child seat on the back for toddler while yours elder scoots/rides. Could potentially save you a lot of time. Or if there is a bus you could treat yourself to the bus ride twice a week or something?

Otherwise this too shall pass! I have a 2 and 3 year old and I'm constantly repeating this...spring will be here soon enough x

I think the last few months have been worse than usual TBH. It is so wet as well .Dark evenings and mornings make everyone feel worse . I would accept all offers to the park! Just wrap DS up and let him play on the swings/toddle ,while you have a coffee and chat, even an hour or so would be better than nothing! Ask if they want to come over to you if weather is very wet. Its not good for you to be isolated and you must feel youre on a treadmill! I get DM lives nearby ,and maybe not keen on babysitting but could you not go to town by bus with her? Surely she wants to spend time with DGC?.Lastly not long till Christmas! Have a rest and enjoy spending time with DH if you can .New year nights get a bit lighter (gradually) and by half term you will be up and running again!

Ignore those trying to persuade you to go to work. You have a really important job and are entitled to have a moan and ask for tips to make it better without people telling you, you should resign.

I've found being proactive with play dates helpful. So will organise at the weekend for people to come to us at 9.30 for a play. Often they will stay until lunch/for lunch. So they we just have an hour or two in the afternoon to do laundry/jobs etc which isn't so long.
My youngest now walks (very slowly on the return trip of the school run) which helps. Could you try this? I think once s/he is a little older it will be easier as s/he will want to get out of the buggy and play fairly independently at the park. Could you try super wrapping him up in the morning so he isn't too cold. Meeting friends at the park sounds like it would be good for your wellbeing. Investing in really warm ski coats has been a godsend for us, as we only have one car that my husband takes to work. It has transformed the winter experience!

Grey winter days can seem depressing and long, but you need to make changes for your own sanity and to enjoy motherhood more. What kind of a town do you live in? Is it a rural village ? If not surely there is more than one playgroup? Is there a baby selling page on facebook? If so just put a request on there for details of any playgroups. Pop to the library, is there a swimming baths near by? Morrisons cafe with the interactive play area ? Try and have structure to the day - ie - after school run - playing, making dens, reading, baking. Then lunch and out for the afternoon. You may find there are several mums in your town feeling the same as you but you wont meet them by staying in all day. Are you going on family days out at the weekend ? It really isn't a days job on a Sunday getting things ready for Monday. Kids won't remember having a spotless house but they will remember a mum that played with them.