To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

@bigchris my friends walk too. One drives bit has three car seats lol.

Do you know OP, that school run sounds vile. Does anybody live near you who could give you a lift? They may welcome the petrol money. I would seriously be thinking about Uber and a cleaner.

It's great for little ones to have fresh air but no that much and not that fresh!

@schoolchoicesucks

Their is really no need to be a sarcastic so and so is there. I'm a mum who wanted some friendly chat not to be greeted with people telling me I must put my son in childcare, get a job incase I'm dumped, stop ironing my child's creased uniform, told I'm making excuses because my son cries and the parks are muddy. Oh and not being able to afford to drive and having no free childcare whilst I go for lessons is also a crock of excuses I'm making. Also my son crying if he gets fed up on the school run is an excuse and I should just walk another mile with him in the cold and go out anyway.

Yes there has been some advice on forgetting the housework abit. Some nice people have said they felt the same. I've actually had four people inbox me because they agreed and didn't want to comment on this horrible thread. People have given me tips on warmer clothes and ideas of what play we can do together at home. So yes I have listened to the nice people who haven't just come on here to say shitty things to someone they don't think is doing enough. I don't work so no sympathy for me. Lovely comments. Someone said I was depressed. Someone said I sound a horrible person. I wasn't allowed to read the advice and explain why I can't do those things. I was told I was full of excuses. So I'll add your sarcasm to the list. It's no wonder people commit suicide and are depressed when there are nasty bitchy women out there trying to grind people down to give themselves a boost. No matter what you all think of me I know I'm a good mum and my kids are happy and loved. I'm doing my best and I am a full time mum who never ever gets a break as family don't particularly have our kids. I'm sure plenty of people are the same on here before you start. I'm allowed to have a struggle sometimes. I know after today i won't ever come on here again and ask for advice.

What a ray of sunshine you are OP you talk a lot about literal rain but it’s very very much you yourself creating the shit weather in your life. Bite and scratch all you want... I can see from reading a little more of this thread that it’s your go to approach. I won’t take it personally. Maybe just advise yourself next time instead of bothering to ask others - you seem to have all the answers. But gosh do I feel like superwoman right now for the simple things I manage to get on with compared to you.

Pink blue. silly silly comment.

I suspect the OP may be suffering from SAD and/low mood.

Well, this went well

Pinkblue- uncalled for and horribly smug.You are the type of poster the OP is talking about.
This place has definately gone to the dogs!! What the hell has happened?!

I suppose pinky must feel really great now. Good job.

@kitcatcuppa I cross posted with you. Had started responding in my lunch break when you'd apparently left the thread. Kudos to you for sticking it out.

I wasn't being sarcastic, I did intend my comments about classes and building in fun things for you both into the day and letting the housework slip to be helpful.
I'm guilty of getting bogged down in the mundane and need a bit of a kick to lift me up again.

I'm sorry you didn't take my comments in the way they were intended and I've seen that you have explained further about distance to town, classes etc.

It's tough when the weather's bad, but there's a good old chunk of winter still to come. I hope you can find a way to have a happier time.

Pinkblueberry what a horrible post. You feel like superwoman ??? You don't come across like that at all. Who sees someone having a little bit of a tough time, feeling a bit low and decides to pile in on them, utterly disgraceful.

OP that sounds pretty miserable and so many horrible posters.

My kids are roughly the same age as yours and I’m a sahm. It is pretty dull entertaining a toddler, but I make it my priority to get out pretty much every morning for my own sanity. I do appreciate where you’re coming from, but life is also what you make it.

I’m lucky in that I drive, have money to spend on classes, soft play and a couple of nursery sessions for my toddler. But I think I’d still be miserable if I didn’t have friends to hang out with. We often do play dates at each other’s houses in the winter and it just alleviates the monotony and doesn’t cost anything.

I see you said you have a play date coming up. I hope it goes smoothly and maybe you could try and organize weekly get togethers. There must be others in your position who’d welcome the company!

Good luck

I get where you are coming from @Kitkatcuppa, it sounds like a horrendous school run and when you’re faced with torrential rain and gales it’s very hard to feel cheery in that, or want to spend a moment longer in it than you have to! Some parts of the country have more ‘weather’ than others. Like you I love being out with my preschooler in the spring, summer and autumn but we are trying to find more indoor activities now.

My little boy is a bit older than yours but some things he likes doing inside include building dens, duplo, building with mega blocks, painting cardboard cut out shapes, having a long bath with lots of bubbles and toys, train sets. A lot of toys I get cheap from children’s charity shops, I don’t know whether you might have one in your area. We also go to free singing at the local library and to playgroups. Hope the winter passes quickly for you and things gradually get easier.

Not read the whole thread but what struck me was you could drastically cut your school run down by getting a second hand bike and a trailer, or a childseat and a little bike your DD. A mile on a bike at a reasonable pace would cut your commute in half easily! And has the added bonus of being good fun and good exercise :)

To be honest OP, I think the weather this past few months has been very grim. I’m not surprised you’re feeling crap and it’s a big change when little ones start school.

Are you certain you’re not also depressed? There’s a few sites online where you can carry out a simple mood check which just helps build up a picture of how your mood is over several weeks if you do it a few times .

From this thread...take on the useful stuff and ignore the bitchy “you’ve got it so easy” comments.

Sadly there are smug superwoman types who think just because they can do everything and smile happily that everyone should be the same.

Pinkblueberry...runner up in the “smug bitch of the year” award. Loses out to the awful poster who got the quickest snarky post in.

Couldn't be arsed with bikes and trailers....get a taxi.

OP based on your very defensive responses I still think you may be depressed or suffering with your mental health.

You've taken some ideas on board which is good. People are mostly trying to help you even if they have done it clumsily. It can be hard to see the difficulties other people face if you've never been in their situation.

I hope your meeting about your daughters EHCP went well.

So now it's not OK to be defensive when people are posting nasty stuff? Got just just smile sweetly and take it? I think the OP has been pretty restrained after some of the shit she's received on this thread.

Playdoh and mat brilliant idea

Does he like p,saying with pots and pans while you're tidying away in the kitchen, or and a dustpan and brush mine loved at That age !

Newsflash! Staying at home to look after pre-schoolers requires a lot of organisation and is actually hard work. This is why many women prefer to outsource to childminder/nursery and go to work where they will be getting adult chat by the tea station and a quiet lunch when they can finish their meal in one go.

I am afraid OP, entertainment, yours and your toddler’s in on you as a SAHM. It is up to you to plan your day, toddler’s meals, naps (and the rest) factoring in the fixed school pick-up times. You have been given a ton of ideas. It will help a LOT if you could drive. Maybe take weekend lessons when your DH can have the kids?

Your issue is you expect an easy life, and SAHM of 2- and 4-year olds it ain’t.

Sorry op but I do this and also work 45 hours a week, but agree it's hard.

So now it's not OK to be defensive when people are posting nasty stuff? Got just just smile sweetly and take it? I think the OP has been pretty restrained after some of the shit she's received on this thread.

I couldn't agree more, it's like some people have not even read the thread and responses of people.

It's not like OP is expecting and easy ride, she just a little bit in a rut and wanted a bit of support or ideas.

OP ignore the smug self proclaimed superwomen on this thread. Why they even click on the thread never mind post is a mystery.

Winter, the cold the dark and dull days are utterly awful. I totally get you. I hate it too and my DC are teens now but I clearly remember doing the school run in absolutely appalling weather when it would start to rain the very minute I left the house to do the school run and stop the minute I got home.

I have a car though and so wasn't trapped at home which definitely made a difference even if I just popped to the shops for a wander around and coffee.

Just try and get through until Jan, and then spring will be in your sights. I have always found this stretch of term to be the very worst. But things will improve year on year, I can absolutely promise you that.

Just keep on trucking

I think the number one thing my DC liked doing when they were little was building dens. Blanket, cushions and a couple of chairs and there is entertainment sorted. (also good to do when you are changing the bed or sorting washing, so have suitable den materials to hand!)

Hi op, I've not read all of the thread, but it sounds tough, and days at home can be lonely, but it can be really worth it too can't it. This time of year is hard, sorry if you've andwered this but how far is the walk to school? Are there any toddler groups close by to the school perhaps? That way you can drop your oldest off at school, stop off at a toddler group for a warm and a play with your toddler, plus a warm drink for yourself, then afterwards walk back home together. I know it drags out the morning school run abit but your toddler would love the chance to stretch his/her legs and have fun playing with you!
Once you get home you could then do some housework knowing you've had some quality time with your toddler earlier on.
I try and stick to a bit of a cleaning rota if I can, that way once the jobs are done for the day you can relax and have time with your toddler before the school run! When days are hard I try to tell myself ill miss these days soon enough, I know I will do! Just helps me see things in a different light!

Sorry op but I do this and also work 45 hours a week, but agree it's hard.

I wouldn't fancy entertaining a toddler all day, everyday and working 45 hours a week, when would you sleep.