To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

I never understand when people say 'I would be working to pay for childcare', especially when they have a partner that works too.

You wouldn't be working 'just' to pay for childcare, you'd be doing something for YOU, getting back into the workplace, polishing old skills while gaining new ones.

You'd be interacting with other people, some nice, some not so much, you wouldn't be sat at home clock watching and you'd be gaining some financial independence, what's not to love?

It is far easier to get into work and routine while your children are the age they are as you can justify not working for the last 5 years as having 2 under 5's), rather than waiting say 8 or 9 years before going back to work.

If your partner earns comfortably then even more so as you have the luxury to be choosy with any potential job.

Ok so I have just read OP's updates.

You seem full of contempt for parents that choose to work, why?

You are also full of excuses as to why you cannot take on board many of the helpful suggestions that have been put forward to you. That makes you sound very 'woe is me'.

Further, I assume you are in receipt of some form of tax credits? If you are, it is all us shitty Mum's that choose to let someone else look after children while we go out to work that contribute towards that and your choice to sit at home and moan about school runs, the weather and how your 2 year old cannot be left alone long enough for you to get your chores done.

For clarity, I work full time (I'm waiting for a hearing to begin right now in Court which is why I'm posting here, to kill time), I do that with 3 children, 1 in year 1 and 1 in year 2 and one that has this year gone up to year 7.
I am divorced so do it alone and I am fully independent.

My career enables me to be a fantastic and engaged Mum that is setting a great example to her children, working a sector which I love while my amazing childminder picks up and drops off my children. And when the day ends and I head home to pick them up, I have missed them and they have missed me.

You sound miserable and your life sounds boring, repetitive and restrictive.

I would urge you to do something just for you l.

Christ.
when people have tried to offer you help you respond aggressively or dismissively
Er. .no
A woman with 2 small children posts on PARENTING that she is feeling like life has got a bit monotonous and she's a bit lonely and there's an onslaught of harsh, judgemental and sarcastic responses!
She came on for a chat and a moan and so far has been told she MUST learn to drive immediately, get married, get a job..
She wasn't bloody asking for advice on those things! Fucksake.
I have been here years and years and when people say MN is not a supportive place anymore I think "yeah well it's always been a tough place" but actually, some of you are just behaving like trolls.
You must be very proud.

Have a fucking medal DM129 , go on.
Well done you, paying for OPs tax credits that you don't know she gets all by yourself as well as being super mum.

PS it's very unlikely you are a net contributor actually.

never understand when people say 'I would be working to pay for childcare', especially when they have a partner that works too because what thry mean is the 1k a month they would bring in goes straight back to childcare, regardless of shared pots of money it's 1k in and 1k oit for someone else to have the kids all day, but with the added stress of what you do if one is sick or has an appt. And then school holidays it's possibly 1k brought I nand wk+ spent out for someone to spend all summer with the kids whilst you work. And there's still no extra money in the pot for a holiday or driving lessons or a bigger house

Now obv some people decide their are other advantages to working beyond finances which is also fine ut if you're literally £20 a week as a family better or worse off, you can see why it doesn't seem worth it

Where you live sounds.....shit. You have nothing around you and you can't drive. I know you're just moaning and need to let off steam, but honestly moving somewhere more accessible or learning to drive would transform your quality of life. It would be for the benefit of your children in the long run too, they'll be just as isolated as you until they can drive. I don't think you're lucky at all, I would be miserable in your situation, it's fixable though.

@Kitkatcuppa sadly any advice, irrespective of what advice is asked for, does seem to descend the thread into telling you to go to work, despite you being quite clear of how you and your partner want to raise your child, simply try and ignore.

Yes it's tough when the weathers is horrid. I only have one child, so have not been the your shoes as we go out no matter what the weather, but I haven't had him in the buggy before hand for an hour.

Housework comes last in my priorities, obviously I clean, wash but I don't really mind if the house isn't spotless. My priority is time with my son, he is 2 so he tidies his own toys back away, he helps by putting his clothes away, loading/unloading the dishwasher or putting away the dishes we dried if I hand washed them.

How long does the toddler nap for and what time?

Could you do painting, craft, drawing, baking , play doh for an hour or so let the toddler warm up then set off to the park. The ladies who invite you to the park. Could you arrange an indoor play session ?

Could you take them swimming as my son loves that, a diddi class like diddi dance, diddi kicks ? Rhyme time or signing classes

Do you have any friends with kids the same age for play dates if there are no playgroups or soft play.

I hope you find your groove again and go back to enjoying being a SAHP 💐

@IfNot, why thank you for my medal.

I'll put it right next to my first class law degree, my LPC, my Training Contract and my excellent job; all gained as a suddenly single parent of 3 young children when my long term marriage ended and low and behold, I had to do something for myself rather than rely on another person.

I am super mum and very proud of all I have achieved and will go on inland achieve.

Oh and I'm glad tax credits work for you too.

You're very welcome.

I think the problem with this post is its coming across as you moaning about not having enough time to do anything (in a life you chose), when most other people are in the same boat.

Are you posting for time saving suggestions?
Are you posting for activities to do in the Winter with your son?
Are you posting just to have a little moan about life?

(All are acceptable)

@Sleepingstandingup, you make some very valid points.

Learn to drive, it’ll make your life so much easier. Don’t forget winter is only a few months, it’ll soon be spring and you’ll be able to go out again. But I honestly would stop worrying about the house work and spend more time playing with your little one.

Some people on here are vile and certainly don't deserve medals

Oh and I'm glad tax credits work for you too.
What does this mean? Do you think you are paying me tax credits too??
Hahaha! Ace.
You may be well all those things (and you may well not) but at least I'm not a c--person who has to diminish others in order to feel ok about myself.
Sorry you feel that way DC129 It must be shit.

Interesting bouquet: deadly nightshade, poison ivy and wreathed in stinging nettles.
Unconventional.

A couple of hopefully practical suggestions, sent with kindness. When my Dd was a toddler she really struggled with the cold. We had to buy some pretty good kit so that we could go out. I recommend getting merino wool base layers, check out mountain warehouse for a reasonable price. Legs, put the merino wool leggings, thick joggers, then water proof trousers. Top half, do a long sleeved merino wool top, a micro fleece, then a lined coat. Get a lined hat with ears. Gloves. Get snow boots, again check out mountain warehouse for snow boots, micro fleece and coat. And thick socks. Get pocket warmers. Take a flask of hot milk or chocolate. All this meant we could get the dog walked or go to the park without tears, at last. Oh I also picked up second hand a spotty otter puddlesuit which was well worth the money. My second suggestion is to look at getting a smart trike. Again they're cheap second hand. Might make the trip more fun for your toddler. I agree with pps to clean less and go to playgroups or other peoples houses :) I work part time but on the days I'm off with my toddler and in between school run this is how I get by, I would go stir crazy without adult company.

OP firstly its such a shame some people seem to post on here for their own amusement and offer no help but are cruel and heartless. It shows, they really are not half as "aware" of themselves as they believe and infact have massive failings, they just seem too involved in self promotion to see them.

obviously going back to work is not the answer and is very strange advice to a dilemma that already clearly rules that out as an option, so people, let it go 😂😂😂😂 it's not the answer here.

Let the domestic chores go to the wayside, concentrate on having fun and helping mould your life one .

Play games, do puzzle, play, build, get messy and have lots of laughs, cuddles and kisses. And enjoy this time it flys by so quickly 💐💐💐

Could you get a bus into town and go to the library, museum, soft play, cafe for lunch? Doing the same thing day after day does get tedious. You and your son need a bit of variety or you'll go mad. If you could drive it would make life a lot easier but getting on a bus might be a little adventure for your ds

No suggestions OP. I hope you are still reading.

It's not easy. I understand. Things change quite quickly when they are small, and issues you have this winter won't be an issue in 12 months. By the end of February things will be picking up in terms of daylight and brighter days.

I'm glad other posters have made such wonderful decisions for their family. OP has too.

For the person being all big headed about paying my tax credits.

I worked in pharmacy and care work for ten years.

My partner earns £40,000 doing security. He doesn't stand on doors he designs software and systems to protect people in all walks off lif e and then engineers go and install it into big events and shops etc to keep people save or at least to get evidence to help people who may have been attacked or threatened at knife point. He works bluddy hard for our family. We have never claimed a penny in benefits. We also own a house. This is why my needs come last for now. Because we are sensible people who need to pay for the mortgage and food and clothes for the kids. When my kids are at school my lazy arse would like to work in a hospital and plan to do more health and social care at some point. So good for you with your big career. I love my family and my kids. I just wanted to talk to some other mums who maybe get the loneliness at this time of the year. Don't worry though in spring I'll be busy again. You've reminded me that as bored as I may be I am at least able to be nice to people when they are sad. I'd always try and be nice. I have taken some ideas away from this thread and wasted too much energy replying to the bullies like you!

People safe! Sorry about the typos I hope you can follow it with all your qualifications

@Bourbonbiccy thanks for your kind reply. I will get him some playdoh. He has quite a few things coming for Christmas and his birthday is days after Christmas so he has some puzzles and things coming.

I've arranged to see a friend from the gates next week. I think I have just lost my way abit since she's started school and winter has struck and it all seems abit samey.

I can't believe we still have this stigma around sahm being lazy and having no right to be bored, lonely, fed up. Like the only solution is work.

I know alot of working mums who then spoil their kids excessively at the weekends etc. But they do say its presence not presents. I think it's actually positive for small children to have their mothers around for a chunk of the time. It's how nature intended it. But we've become a judgemental modern world where you are expected to be a mum, work, run a hous e and be all things.

In the future I shall work again and learn to drive. This post was never about that though. I will get back into things and I'm looking forward to Christmas. What this post has taught me is people can be really judgemental and rude if something isn't what they choose to do.

"I can't believe we still have this stigma around sahm being lazy and having no right to be bored, lonely, fed up. Like the only solution is work.

I know alot of working mums who then spoil their kids excessively at the weekends etc. But they do say its presence not presents. I think it's actually positive for small children to have their mothers around for a chunk of the time. It's how nature intended it. But we've become a judgemental modern world where you are expected to be a mum, work, run a hous e and be all things. "

Because some women have an incessant need for self-validation, which is exactly what you've done here. You can make your point without diminishing someone else's lifestyle choices. You sounded bored and fed up and only mentioned the financial aspects of not working so people commented that work doesn't just have to be about money and it can alleviate many of the things you describe, some women need "permission" to make this decision as they feel pressure to stay home when actually they could reframe their situation.

Some posters were dicks, there's no disputed that, but don't lower yourself to it by now slamming working mums, it makes you as bad as them.

SAHM, good for you. You have thought about it, weighted up your options and you are doing this short term. You are also a bit tired and fed up. That seems pretty normal to me.

Consider an Uber on say a Friday and use the time you gain to something small for yourself. You are investing in your kids so good for you.

@46PhilomenaChristmasPie

I have to ask, why do you get up at
5.25 when you leave the house at 8.05?

Are you milking a cow for breakfast

Op could you afford to pay nice driving friend to take dd to school for a couple of mornings a week ?