To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Bourbonbiccy, you'll never be superwoman with that defeatist attitude

Having a car would be so much easier once your youngest is in nursery too op.
it is hard, it feels relentless sometimes

I'm a sahm and have (in the last week) dramatically lowered expectations on myself. My house will be tidyish and cleanish but full of play and time spent with my boys

@SnuggyBuggy I know, I think they are all missing the point, I don't need or strive to be superwoman, I'm better, I'm me, and my son, hubby, family and friends think that's much better.

I am a great mum to an amazing boy, I am a loving, compassionate and caring person who is surrounded by love and respect. My hubby adores me and I have a great life, who needs superwoman, not me and certainly not those I love or who love me

How could anybody do this school run ( what 2 hours a day?) and work 45 hours a week and care for children?
That's a 55 hour week.
What a life.

This thread is, um, interesting.

OP I do get where you're coming from to a certain extent, as if there is literally nothing to do near where you live and no decent public transport (which sounds like it) then not being able to drive with a small child in the winter must be horrendous. I don't think the problem is with the winter or with your daughter's school day though, but where you live. I'm genuinely interested, where do you live?

I'm not a SAHM but currently on maternity leave with a 3 year old in school nursery and a baby. So that means I have to drop DS at school for 9am and collect him at 11:30am! I am laughing a bit at some of the posters with children in full time school saying "I get home at 9:30am and before I know it it's 3pm and time to collect DC"...  @PhilomenaChristmasPie you say you arrive home at 11am and have to leave at 3pm. Well that's 4 hours, loads of time to do literally anything.

I digress. All good suggestions about things to do with your toddler like kinetic sand, play doh, puzzles. I would also suggest a bit more structure to your day. Do you have anything close walking distance to you, even a small shop? Just popping out in the middle of the day for milk helps break the day up. If it's not blowing a gale your toddler could walk as you'll be able to take your time. Also go to that playgroup once a week, it's worth it. Try setting an outing at least two days a week, as getting out makes you appreciate time at home. I'm only doing one class with my baby as it's really challenging fitting activities for him around the 9:00-11:30am nursery school morning, and tbh on the day I always begrudge that class as I would rather be able to chill at home and my baby nap when he wants!

I think a lot of comments on here are based on people in urban areas. I am not properly in the wilds but round here if you don't drive it is really not easy to find work or childcare. Where I live the only provision for wrap around care for a 2 year old is childminders who are really oversubscribed. There are also loads of villages round here that don't have any playgroups and definitely no soft play/cafes/swimming pool/shops. Also no buses. So I can really imagine how someone could get really isolated. Also really not safe to cycle with a small child round the country roads here. So I think a lot of the suggestions here might well not work - however I do agree with the points about wrapping 2 year old up warm and getting out to the park with other mums. Good luck.

@Kitkatcuppa

I'm also a sahm, just to a 2yo. And we don't have the school run but we do have 2 dogs so must go out every day. DS is happier in a Tula carrier on my back and because we're in contact, we keep each other warm.

He 'helps' me with things at home. To be fair, he can now sort the cutlery basket from the dishwasher while I do the rest or vaguely waft a duster about.

Have you tried something like the organised mum method to cut back on time spent on housework. I've just started and it's helped a lot in terms of how long I need to spend to keep on top of things.

I'm lucky that dh has gone down to 4 days per week so we're both with Ds today but will also get on top of laundry and housework etc plus some life admin while the other watches and plays with Ds.

It's got easier as he has got a bit bigger and more communicative.

Hey OP, I had my kids in a place possibly like yours.
Mine spent many hours and years on our trampoline. I know it's rainy now but would that be any good for you? I could honestly not be bothered walking to a park when really your little one might only want a 15 minute jump around. Plus, you can just run back inside if it starts raining.
Good luck with everything.

@Danascully2 agree and I think you get that urban centred perspective on a lot of topics. People think the OP is making excuses when they are just stating simple facts like that they don't have a local library or softplay and busses have been cut to the bone.

I don't really get what the OP wants from this thread. She's chosen to be a SAHM. Now she's fed up of her life as a SAHM. People have suggested going back to work. She's responded aggressively. There's been lots of other good advice but she's dismissed that too. She's flounced off, several times, then come back for more. With a few exceptions, I don't think most people have been horrible, just realistic.

OP I'm sorry but I agree that your problems are self inflicted. You've chosen to buy a house in the back of beyond, yet you don't drive. You've chosen not to work and stay home with the kids, which is always going to be monotonous/isolating unless you make a conscious effort to make it otherwise.
You also sound obsessed with germs/neatness. Cleaning the house all day, not wanting to take child to nursery because of germs, the park being muddy, ironing uniforms (for a 4 year old??)
There's been some good advice, if you actually want to change things you'll take it, but it sounds like you just want to moan and have people agree with you.

Maybe she just wanted some humanity and compassion

What, I suspect she wanted was to test the water, to see if anybody else out there feels the same. She wanted to feel less isolated and perhaps gain some useful ideas.

Caring for 2 small children is a job and is every bit as valuable as paid employment. Shes refers to the younger one being seriously ill in the past and that makes her careful.

Is she the only person on the planet to have made choices and learn as she goes along that things change with the arrival of children?

@SnuggyBuggy Humanity and compassion for what? Because she doesn't like doing the school run in winter? I'm sure the parents in Syria will start a charity appeal for her.
She has choices whether to be a SAHM or work. Lots of people don't have that luxury. She's made her decision but doesn't like the outcome, but also doesn't want to change her decision

@hifolks She's been given lots of ideas though, and has dismissed them all, quite aggressively.
Also said she doesn't want to work as she loves her family and children...as if people who work don't?

Op it sounds like you need an attitude change, learn to drive, ask for lessons for gifts if needs be financially. Life’s too short to spend it trudging along the same road!

Work on getting toddler into a routine of daily naps if possible and try and do some home based work , if you are determined there are things you can do ...even if you start small and build up once your toddler gets his 30hours childcare.

You sound a bit passive, look outside the box at ways to achieve the lifestyle you want. Start with babygates everywhere!

I don't see what parents in Syria have to do with this.

@SnuggyBuggy It's a case of putting things in perspective and counting your blessings, of which the OP has many but is still feeling sorry for herself.

I disagree, we all need a moan and some comfort now and then.

And from experience it's annoying as fuck when you mention you are a SAHM and go to work its the automatic solution to any problem you might have.

Have some people even read her post, shes not fed up with being a SAHP, shes in a rut and wondering what to do to entertain her child in the cold wet weather, its seems very hard for people to fathom that 🙄🙄

If she is having a time of feeling sorry for herself, thats only natural at some point in life, regardless of your situation.

If people moan about their job and feel sorry for themselves, the automatic response is not to give up work,, it's to find a possible constructive resolution.

It's not that she doesn't like the school run or being a SAHP FGS !!!

What is it then? The threat title is literally "school day has taken over my life". The rest is complaints about how boring her day is and how it's all cleaning and chores. Then she got angry when people said she doesn't need to clean so much/suggested sensible ideas to improve things.
Sure everyone needs a moan but OP has thrown several sweary tantrums when people didn't humour her. That's why she hasn't had much sympathy.

The OP says that after walking her other child to school her toddler is too cold to go to the park,and she feels a little lonely and she is "feeling a bit meh about everything and stuck in a rut"

She is then told to stop moaning and enjoy all her free time and how others feel like superwoman after reading her post and all what they get done, so she then quite rightly gets a bit defensive.

So the considered, compassionate and helpful response is not what many have given.