To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

Meeting up with a friend sounds good. I hope you fall into a better routine in the New Year.

Op it's not reasonable for your toddler to be suffering with the cold. He needs a warm all in one snowsuit and a cosy toes in his buggy. If he's cold you're not dressing him properly.

You need to find a way to have some fun with him. Once he's at nursery you'll be splitting your day between school and nursery.

@ChipsyChopsy

@dreamerofdreams27

@Tigger001

@hifolks

Thank you all. I am going to do some more things with him! I'm going to order some playdoh tonight for a start and an aquadoodle mat. Thanks for understanding me and not just talking at me like i am clueless and failing at my life. Pretty sure what I'm doing is normal.

It was nice to come back on and see people sticking up for me after this morning where I felt jumped on.

@DM1209. Super-mum, hot shot lawyer who says "low and behold" and "us shitty Mum's".
Okaay.

And good luck, OP. You have taken some unnecessary flak here, but it's good to see some of the more recent posters supporting you.

I can't believe how horrible people have been on this thread. Looking after your own children is incredibly valuable, yet people seem to be turning their noses up at you for it.

These winter days can be miserable. Is there a library you can get to? Swimming? The more you're out, the less messy your house gets.

Could you invite anyone who has asked you for a coffee in the park over to yours?

Stick in there, a few months and it will be Spring.

@DM1209 good for you. You sound really young and silly based on your braggy comment though. Cringing for you. I come from a family of bricklayers and farmers. Hard workers. Not got as much money as you but they worked hard for their families. That's what counts. Not status

Op definitely the play doh and the aqua mat are a good idea. Ds started to love duplicate at that age too.
I get it.
We moved when dd was 7 and ds 1. 40 minute walk each way to school and often skint so couldn't use the car. It was hard. only plus was I was thinner
Parks here are a no go in winter they're all grass. We did walks on drier days and desperately looked for groups etc.
Have you a library that does story time at all?
Definitely get a coffee with other mums if you can.
Hang in there, soon be spring

Duplo!

Kinetic sand too - less sticky than play doh (but god, had so many hours of play with play doh!!! Make sure you get some cutters with it, mine loved the animal ones you could get so we could make the sound of all the relevant animals!).

Rather than a puddle suit could he wear a snow suit and fleece lined wellies. That way you could head straight to the park after morning drop off. He'll soon be warm running around and tired out ready for you to get house work done when you get home.

Kinetic sand is a massive choking hazard. Don't leave them unattended with it.

I know, it's hard and boring, isn't it? There is an end in sight though. Can you do the dishes another time? Can the 2 year old "help"?

Glad you are still reading OP. I was pretty open mouthed.at some of the initial shitty responses....especially by adrienneP who has to win “smug bitch of the year” award for getting such a nasty post in so quickly, She’s doing all you do and working too but somehow able to sit around making shitty comments to others online. What a worthless individual.

I still don’t fully understand what you and the 2 year old are doing for nearly 6 hours a day...
Can your 4 year old not scooter to school and back? It won’t take that long and you can then walk faster?
It is also not clear to me why YOU have to iron the clothes? Can your partner not do it? So you can get play time with the kids. But assuming you are ironing and packing bags, that is still 90 mins on a Sunday. There is another 10 hours or so. I can’t offer you suggestions on what to do in those 10 hours unless you can give us a clue as to what you would normally do in those 10 hours or so that seems so unfulfilling.

Thanks everyone. I've got the playdoh and mat coming tomorrow! My DD loves kinetic sand too. He wears wellies and a thick coat from next with fluffy lining. I might look into a snowsuit for him. Any ideas of a reasonable priced one anywhere? I know some can be £40!

There have been some horrible people on here then as soon as I got snappy back I was being rude. Yet it's ok for them to tell me it's my own fault or they work so my feelings are irrelevant. They don't know anything about us. Everyone does there own thing and for me personally it's not time for my little boy to go to childcare. When he understands and we can both talk about it maybe September next year I'll get him to a childminder or nursery. He's actually been really poorly back in march. He was in hospital with pneumonia and I'm abit cautious about going anywhere too germy. I'm holding back on nursery until he's stronger. He's just had another bout of tonsiltis too. Not making excuses but it was extremely scary him being poorly. They took two days to find where his problem was and had to pump him with strong antibiotics for the ambulance journey. It's been a rough year actually. Thanks for restoring my faith in people. This morning I sat with my little boy feeling like a failure.

Meanwhile my 2.5 year old likes:
Puzzles
Simple board games
Painting
Play dough
Duplo
Toy kitchen and pretend play.
Magnatiles
Building train tracks with help
Building anything really
Taking care of his ‘doll’ which is called Puppy. (🙄🙄🤷‍♀️) so more pretend play
Doing simple crafty things (painting with cars for instance)
Dancing around to music
Doing a simple treasure hunt at home
Helping with all the chores. He can load and unload all the non breakable stuff from the dishwasher. Helps to put the laundry in etc.
He likes baking and then eating the batter.

Op's long gone having taken offence to the first few replies mentioning jobs. It's a shame as lots of people have tried to make constructive suggestions. She's too busy enjoying being a sahm whilst simultaneously disliking it.

On the slight chance the OP is reading but not responding, if you're determined to sah then you need to organise the day so it has time for some fun things for you and the DC.

If the toddler group is at a rubbish time, what about classes? Or softplay? Is there anywhere nearer the school you can hang out with your toddler? Even a shopping centre where it's dry and warmer and they can be out of the buggy, look at the Christmas lights. Near me there are kids swimming, football, gymnastics, singing. There's an adult choir that you can take toddlers along to. Do you have a local Facebook group that lists things?

If friends are suggesting meeting for a coffee, why not invite them over to yours so your toddler can play with their own toys while you catch up?

Cut corners on the housework and cooking. They don't need to take from 9-2. Try TOMM.

It's easy to fall into life being a drudgy routine, sometimes it does take a bit of an effort to find the fun again.

You’re getting a bit of a hard time here - I can see that being tied to the school routine must be a bit monotonous after the freedom you’ve had.

But I do think you probably need to be the architect of your own salvation a bit. Firstly, delay the housework. As you say, your toddler’s going to make a mess again and it sounds like you’re spending your life fighting it. Put aside an hour for housework and do it while your youngest naps. If it doesn’t get done then, it waits.

Same approach to ironing uniform. School uniform for the week should take a max of 20 minutes to iron, so it doesn’t really take up much of Sunday. Ditto bags unless she is doing a lot of activities? It’s a five minute job so you probably need to give yourself a bit of a shake on that front, or sort yourself out a better system.

Second, streamline your morning. If you’re already ready, getting the two kids ready shouldn’t be too much of a rush if you set yourself clear timeframes. Breakfast done by 7.20, then both dressed by 7.35, etc. I have one at school and one at nursery and I work so I know the feeling of having to chivvy along in the mornings but you’ll hit your stride - I do packed lunch and stack the dishwasher while they have breakfast, clothes and school bags ready to go the night before, etc. Can your daughter scoot to school to speed things up a bit?

Third, I think toddlers sometimes need a bit of training before they’re willing to do things they previously hated. Invest in a really warm coat or snowsuit so cold isn’t an issue, and then try to make the walk an adventure with lots of in the pushchair / out of the pushchair to get him used to it and wear him out. Puddle jumping, looking for snails/slugs/conkers/huge leaves/collecting sticks all worked with mine at that age. It makes it slow but gets them out of the pushchair.

In truly awful weather I think things like mini trampoline, making a blanket fort, play tents etc can be huge fun for that age. But unless it’s tipping down, with the right clothes the playground or park should be ok.

I do think a lot of people forget how tough two year olds can be, or had kids like my first who were super easy.

You can’t drive, the weather’s crap, your son cries, your son is too cold to stay out longer, there’s housework... I don’t want to be harsh but you’re coming up with a lot of lame excuses for not making things better for yourself - things most people just get on and deal with. Get a bit of a grip, and get yourself out of the house. Or back to work. You’re the maker of you’re own boredom and misfortune at the moment and you’re very capable of making simple changes.

Decathlon are good for reasonably priced Snowsuits £24.99

snowsuit

Or eBay?

Could you get a bike with a trailer for the kids to drastically reduce your travel time to and from school? Something like this would probably make your hour journey into 15 minutes and your son could be snuggled up under a blanket.

Alternatively do you have a good rain cover for his buggy to stop him getting wet? If he’s dry and within a plastic bubble he will be much less cold. I would also make him up a bottle of warm milk to take on the journey to help him keep warm. Will he sleep in the buggy and could you try and move his nap to the afternoon pickup time so he sleeps through it and is therefore less miserable?

Finally, do you need to be at school for 8:35? Just because the gates open at 8:40 probably doesn’t mean the kids need to be there that early. If you aimed to get to school for even 8:45 you could walk right in instead of waiting for the gates to open and would have a little more time getting ready so it is less of a rush.

@pinkblueberry

Erm i can't drive

The wind is 40mph today
The last three days it's poured with rain

The last month most of our school runs are in the rain

My son does cry in his pushchair on the way back. Is he not allowed to be cold in the middle of December and fed up when he's on busy main roads and can't walk for a chunk of it? You seem to think I'm making excuses. I'm putting my son first by getting him back home into the warm. You don't seem to be grasping it at all bless you!!!

@Pinkblueberry are you going to have my child for me when I just sod of back to work. Thanks that's kind of you. I will send you the times you need to drop and collect my child and you can feed them for me.l too after you've done the school run. If you know anyone available to do my chores too that will be great. You can pop my son out to all the fun places you go whilst I'm at work too. Brilliant advice and so helpful you are

@Mynewbeartotoro

I am in the process of teaching DD to ride a bike. Once she's more road savvy she can bike to school and we will get there quicker. I don't ride a bike (I'm sure that's another excuse in posters eyes) I'm happy walking anyway. We will be ok as the weather warms up. The school opens 8.40-8.50 drop off. So we aim for then but if we are five minutes late it's fine. I like to be organised with that. Some mornings go better than others and i think I'm still learning if you get me? So sometimes I can get the washing up before we leave. Over the Christmas holidays I'm going to have a serious sort out of the kids toys and organise things so they can be tidied away quickly. I've got some ideas that should help with the Chaos.

Thanks for your reply.