Dad not allowed to ask questions at weighing clinic!?

[mareylu]

I've recently started working again and for that reason my husband has to take our daughter to the weighing clinic when needed. He did it for the first time today and had a few questions about weaning etc, and I wanted him to ask a few questions on my behalf about breastfeeding.

The woman flat out refused to answer any of the questions because he wasn't the child's mother. I am absolutely livid. Is this how it's meant to be? How am I supposed to get my work done if he isn't allowed to help out (they did weigh her tbf, but could really do with someone answering our questions)? How is he meant to look after our daughter if they aren't allowing him!? I'm so confused and angry.

Have any of you experienced this? Are dads not meant to take their babies to the weighing clinic, is it for mums only!?

And who is it that actually runs the weighing clinics normally, are they health visitors?

I have never been to one, but surely it's patient confidentiality that prevents this?

If it’s a weighing clinic, perhaps weaning and breastfeeding is outside of their remit or needs an appointment?

Why on earth couldn't they answer his questions!

I find that rather odd and can see why your frustrated. Most baby weigh clinics are there for weighing and discussing any feeding issues/concerns.

Maybe he should have gone and identified as a woman today.....

@habipprtyh But they were questions about his 12 week old daughter, who was there with him. I can half understand the breastfeeding question (although generic), but not the weaning.

@OrangeZog No apparently they said that I had to be there and they would answer them. Very strange.

@lunar1 Thank you! I'm so confused (and annoyed!)

The weighing clinic is staffed by people who can answer questions. In fact, one of the main benefits of a weighing clinic is that it gets people in regularly so they can talk to HCPs and ask questions they might otherwise worry alone about.

HCPs should be answering any parent's question.

Are they coming from the angle that he could be trying to force you to stop breastfeeding etc and that they therefore only speak to the person doing the breastfeeding?

Obviously he isn't in this case but protective measures may be in place for those that are being subjected to pressure.

You can call them rather than going in in person

It may be best if someone speaks to you directly about breastfeeding so I could let that slide. Did he stand up for himself on the weaning issue or did he accept that it was ok for them not to answer his parenting questions as he's not the mother? If he's not happy with the response he received then he should complain. If you complain then you'll prove their point somewhat.

@WooMaWang That's what I thought! Thank you. We might have to complain.

@crustycrab Ah maybe that's what it's all about. I still think it's unnecessary strict in that case, but I didn't consider that angle (and they didn't mention anything about that to him)

Could you ask your questions here and we may be able to help?

If she’s only 12 weeks old you’ve got a long time before you need to ask questions about weaning. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill

@leghairdontcare Yeah I can understand the breastfeeding part but not the weaning. He stood up for himself but she stood her ground and just told him that I had to come in. I think he will complain, we're just not sure exactly where to direct our complaint!

Was it a generic weaning question? Can you ask it here?

It depends on the area maybe, but here the weighing clinics are run by health visitors. Weaning is now out of the remit apparently here, but they could have said that if that was the case; rather than saying it's because he isn't the mum. It depends what the BF question was about perhaps?

@Nixen I tend to get carried away. But where I'm from (Norway) they recommend slowly starting weaning at 4 months, which is not too far away. That's what he wanted to ask them about.

Surely weaning is completely within the HV remit? It would be a weird thing to take out of it.

In the UK unless you have a refluxy baby then the recommendation is to wait 6 months. Locally most health visitors don’t really support weaning for anyone who isn’t on specific benefits but the NCT does have classes where weaning advice is provided but you can’t take it until the baby is close to 5/6 months.

That is crazy! He is just as responsible for the baby as you are! What if you were no longer around or seriously ill etc would they still refuse to answer his questions!

I have never heard of this.

When my dc were babies (they are 8 and 11) weighing clinics were exactly the forum for asking questions about weaning and other baby care questions.

I wonder what they'd do if it was a single father or same sex family?

They should have answered his questions as the parent. I can sort of understand why they might suggest they speak to you directly about breastfeeding (although a better response would be to give some general advice and give you a number to speak directly). However the weaning question seems totally illogical to not answer. It’s just sexism. Complain.

I can't believe an NHS trust is only providing a basic HV service to people on benefits. That makes no sense. Weaning advice is basic stuff for HVs. It's stupidly shortsighted too because early advice and support is much cheaper than correcting issues later down the line.

I can understand about the bf questions- it’s to maintain your confidentiality. They don’t know anything about your relationship. And really all they could say about weaning is that it’s much too early. Is that what they said?

I used to take one of my mindees to be weighed (3 weeks older than my DD, everyone thought they were twins) with mine at her mother's request. The HV knew me obviously, but I never had any issues and I wasn't in any way related to her!

I wouldn't have asked about breastfeeding on anyone else's behalf obviously, but did ask about her aversion to using her fingers to eat finger foods...

I think it's right they didn't talk to him about breastfeeding for various reasons connected to the fact that he's not the one breastfeeding and talking about your breasts without you there is unprofessional, goes against data protection and confidentiality and is just weird, but they should have told him what current guidelines for weaning are. That would have been simple as the official line is you're way, way too early.

I think crustycrab has it.