Dad not allowed to ask questions at weighing clinic!?

[mareylu]

I've recently started working again and for that reason my husband has to take our daughter to the weighing clinic when needed. He did it for the first time today and had a few questions about weaning etc, and I wanted him to ask a few questions on my behalf about breastfeeding.

The woman flat out refused to answer any of the questions because he wasn't the child's mother. I am absolutely livid. Is this how it's meant to be? How am I supposed to get my work done if he isn't allowed to help out (they did weigh her tbf, but could really do with someone answering our questions)? How is he meant to look after our daughter if they aren't allowing him!? I'm so confused and angry.

Have any of you experienced this? Are dads not meant to take their babies to the weighing clinic, is it for mums only!?

And who is it that actually runs the weighing clinics normally, are they health visitors?

"If it’s a weighing clinic, perhaps weaning and breastfeeding is outside of their remit or needs an appointment?"

Not at the weighing clinic I go to, they weigh the baby and are happy to answer any questions about looking after baby, feeding etc.

I'd be annoyed too op.

@mareylu my son was breastfed and topped up, then formula fed entirely - sadly I couldn’t breastfeed entirely and had to stop. He was weaned (only baby rice for a few weeks) at 4 months too - he still had all his milk requirements and he slept much better as a result - I was advised on NCP weaning course - in other words, each baby is different and you should seek advice from a HCP.
Secondhand/reiterated information on breastfeeding can be difficult depending on the question, so ring and ask away.

I had got fed up of going to the weigh in clinics. I received different advice every time I went but my husband was interested to see what they were all about and also wanted to know how our little one was doing so.....

He took PFB and came back completely amazed / confused. He was asked how much milk was being drunk and he answered ‘I don’t know little one is breastfed’. But how much are they drinking he was asked several more times. ‘Exclusively breastfed’ was the response.

They then got cross with him and said ‘what are you feeding your child?’ He said bewildered, ‘breast milk’ with his fingers pointing to his chest in frustration. After this experience he never asked if I was going to weigh in again.

I don’t think they see men very often and when they do it completely throws them.

@Bol87 They just wouldn’t answer him because he wasn’t the child’s mother. They told him to tell me to come see them tomorrow to ask the questions... but I’m in work tomorrow! Hopefully it’s not a policy though, and he was just “unlucky” with who he met!

It is so disheartening but not surprising that your husband was treated like less of a parent in this setting.

My husband was told to wait in the corridor with DS as it was a space for mothers apparently and then they forgot he was there. When eventually seen they just lectured him on looking out for depression (apparently the only reason I wasn't there) and didn't answer any of his questions. Never went back. NHS website and bathroom scales are much more helpful and less rude.

What sort of data is held about a woman's breasts (in relation to feeding)? Nothing so how is it breaking data protection?

I can think of so many questions that the answers would be generic and wouldn't be breaking any confidence by answering- not least 'My wife has gone back to work so she has started to reduce how much she feeds.... how can she ensure her breasts don't become engorged/she get blocked ducts/we make sure baby is getting enough formula? Etc

I would complain. Any parent has a right to ask about feeding and should be answered.

@VenusTiger that sounds a very similar situation to me. So, interestingly, you’ve been given the same advice as my friends in Norway!

I’ll get in touch with them and have a proper conversation about it once I’ve calmed down about this situation. Might go to another clinic though!

They might have just not known the answer. Some health visitors/NNs seem to have no knowledge about breastfeeding at all. I remember being at the children's centre once when a mum came in with a 2/3 month old baby asking the HV for advice because she was worried her baby wasn't getting enough milk and was also feeding too often, she asked if she could wean "Oh goodness, no, it's much too early" and then asked desperately what she should do then, clearly on the verge of tears, the HV just sort of shrugged and made sympathetic noises it was years ago now, so I can't remember if I told her about the breastfeeding support clinic or just kicked myself for not thinking of saying so until later, but I just remember being amazed by the HV's total lack of advice or input.

I would co tact pals about this. It’s so depressing. Do they want dads to be involved in parenting or not?

I'm in Germany and the advice sounds similar to Norway. They say to start on a meat-vegetable-potato puree once a day for the first month (vegetable only during week 1), then to add a second meal of a milk-and-cereal porridge for the next month, then to add a third meal of fruit and yoghurt for another month and then you can feed them normal family foods mashed down. They also have a long list of various foods you're meant to avoid before various ages, which I mostly ignored. (I also ignored their introduction plan and just did BLW).

UK advice is to wait until 6 months. If you must start before 6 months, don't start before 16 weeks. And then there is a whole list of foods they recommend you avoid before 6 months, which seems to be either really outdated or totally made up - you need to avoid honey, be cautious about salt and obviously avoid choking hazards but other than that the other things seem UK-specific.

I would be furious and complain. It's a sad state of affairs when fathers who are trying to be as involved as possible are stopped from doing so.

Bertie our Kinderarzt didn't suggest weaning before 6 months old at all, with either of my German born babies.

The advice for breastfed babies seems fairly much the same as the UK at any rate (I've also had babies in both countries).

German breastfeeding websites say not before 6 months, more general German parenting websites say on no account before the start of the 5th month, and they should have some food experience/ tastes at least once per day by 26 weeks.

I think many people live in a lovely safe world where all fathers are loving and caring and have the best interests of the mother of their baby at heart. Sadly that’s not an assumption a HCP can or should make.

No, ours didn't either, they didn't say anything about weaning at all until we had the 6 month check up when they asked if we'd started and I said yes and they said good

I was referring to this poster which seems to be everywhere, or at least it was all over the hospital where I gave birth. We had to stay in for a while, so I saw a lot more of the hospital than I would have liked.

www.netmoms.de/magazin/baby/beikost/baby-ernaehrungsplan/

The start of the 5th month is the same thing as 4 completed months, which is how English speakers tend to think about time. Germans for some reason seem to talk about the Xth month of life/pregnancy week etc, which is based on which month has started rather than how many are completed so it tends to be one ahead. I'd get all tied up in knots when trying to explain how pregnant I was to random people.

Oh argh, the PP who had to be registered at the same surgery baby is making me all ragey again.

So at my surgery, babies have to be registered not only at the same surgery, but with the same GP as their mum. And they encourage you strongly to take appts with your 'named' GP unless it's an emergency, inc all antenatal appts, postnatal checks etc etc.

When I had DD1 I was very happy with my sensible, older female GP who had had home births and bf'd her own babies and shared my views on contraception. Only, she didn't have any more room on her list so DD1 was place on the list of Dr Newbloke, who was a 40-something man who'd just joined the practice and had some, er, interesting views on women. And then because she was on his list, I had to move too. So I was then expected to have intimate postnatal checks etc with a man I found really difficult. Basically for no other reason than that I was a new mum.

I normally try to be really nice to receptionists but I remember asking ours acidly why my DH didn't have to change too now he was a new dad. Needless to say she didn't have a decent answer!

@BertrandRussell no, they just fail to see, how aside from perhaps some questions, HVs shouldn't answer any. Can you provide some examples of questions they shouldn't answer?

Yes I know what the start of the 5th month means Bertie but that's an absolute earliest if you really must, which is what they also say in the UK.

That chart has all that typical German nonsense about giving vry small babies herbal tea and I know it has the name of a research institute on it but it looks like something produced by Hipp. Nobody I knew when dc2 and 3 were babies in Germany weaned at 4 months old, though they did give babies 97 million varieties of tea in bottles despite breastfeeding, a tea for every occasion ...

I suppose filling tiny stomachs with tea instead of milk makes babies fail to thrive and creates the perception that they need meat and potatoes

Hipp does one as well but that is the official on there they put at hospitals.

DS2 had tea at about three hours old in NICU

Theres been cases of babies being taken for immunisations against mothers wishes, hence the caution and need for consent from the mother.
What about babies immunised against fathers wishes? Surely they should ask both parents to give signed consent if this is the concern, not just the mum.

@BertrandRussell
You seem determined to pick a fight The OP is unreasonable for expecting the father of her child to be able to discuss his child’s diet, coercive motives should be considered by all men asking generic questions about breastfeeding, and the OP is ageist for making a simple observation.
This thread is like ‘offended bingo’ for you!

This is just bizarre to me, treating mothers as parents but fathers as bystanders in their own children’s lives. When my daughter is 6 months old I’ll be going back to work full time and my husband will be staying home, meaning he’ll be doing all the doctors visits, baby groups and so on. Unfortunately we’re both aware that he’ll be treated as a bit of a weird novelty in a lot of places. We’d both be horrified if a healthcare professional treated him like this and would be making a complaint.
Fortunately we have an excellent health visitor and home visits only, no weighing clinics. And what a PP said about health visitors not advising on weaning is very strange too - here they do a visit at 4 months to discuss it (as they know a lot of people will have been told by older relatives that they should start weaning then).

What are some people on this thread on about?

What has a father asking about feeding his child got to do with GDPR??

My partner took shared parental leave and I’d be furious if a HV refused to answer his questions because he’s a man. It’s his child too!

If the NHS truly needs a policy, as Bertrand seems to be trying to suggest, that prevents dads from being able to discuss weaning or feeding with an HCP then they clearly need to inform.mothers of this.policy and insist that they and only they take their babies to clinics.

Quite how that will advance gender equality though goodness knows.

Absolutely fine for a father to talk about weaning. Presumably, however, in this case all a HCP could say to either parent is “Come back in two months- in the mean time here’s a leaflet.”

There’s no point in talking to the father about bf except in the most general of terms. Because he’s not breastfeeding. And of course HCPs should have the idea of coercion or abuse in the back of their minds. Particularly as it often emerges or steps up in pregnancy and post partum.

So, if baby.is being mixed fed isn't it far enough for a SAHD to maybe have a question about how.much formula the baby needs for example?

That's a question that.involves breast feeding and something that he's directly.involved in as he is doing the day to day care.

If we expect men to be SAHP just as often as mums are then the instructional practicalities have to be worked out.

We can't have situations like dads not being able to take babies for their vaccinations for example. We might as well be done with it and just tell mums that only they can be sahp because in effect, that's what policies like this are enforcing.