4 year old would like to be vegetarian

[NightWakings]

As per the title, my 4 (nearly 5) year old DD has repeatedly stated that she doesn't want to eat "animal food" any more. She regularly asks what is in food (e.g. "what are the sausages made from?"), and then declines it if it involves meat. Last night she was upset about what she thought was chicken in a stir fry, but then ate it happily when I told her it was Quorn (it was).

By way of background, I am a committed but fairly relaxed vegetarian; DH eats meat. Because I do most of the cooking we do mainly eat vegetarian food, but I will also occasionally batch cook bolognaise or fish pie for the DCs, and they get things like sausages (I'll just have a veggie option) or burgers if we BBQ. Of my 2 elder DCs, one is a definite carnivore and likes nothing more than a burger; one leans to vegetarian food (and I wouldn't be surprised if he ultimately chooses to be vegetarian), but will eat some meat and is definitely not ready to give up marshmallows or haribo!!

I'm inclined to take DD seriously. She's a huge animal lover, lovely with our pets, and obviously this is an ethical stance that I support. I am comfortable that I can provide her with a balanced vegetarian diet. I'd still try not to foist my views on her (I've been pretty careful not to do this with my DCs, although do explain to them if they ask why I've chosen not to eat meat) and try to be very relaxed about it so that she can change her mind at any time. But I wouldn't, e.g., trick her into eating meat by not telling her the truth about what her food is.

DH thinks that at 4 she's far too young to decide this (I think he thinks she's looking to win brownie points with me, although I really hope I've not set things up this way!), and should be actively encouraged to continue to eat meat and fish a couple of times a week (which is roughly how often they are served this now - maybe bolognaise once, fish pie once, and fish fingers or sausages or similar once).

Thoughts welcome? I find it hard to assess this objectively as I'd secretly be delighted if my children all (of their own accord) opted to be vegetarian. My own mother didn't support my choice at all (and still every Christmas on occasion makes me feel like a nuisance!!).

if it was my 4 year old, I’d still be giving her meat because both me and DH eat meat. At 4, I wouldn’t be taking her seriously.
But In your case, it’s easier because you eat mainly vegetarian meals and you’re happy enough to accommodate her choice because you’re vegetarian yourself. Plus you do the cooking. I don’t see the issue because she’ll still have the option to eat meat just as she has the option to eat mainly veggie meals. There’s nothing forceful about it and at her age, if she changes her mind, she’ll soon let you know

Thing is at 4 some children want to be a fairy princess, a dog or some kind of superhero! I think it's up to the two parents to decide between them what they think is suitable, I don't think she should decide for herself. That said, I'm not sure many kids would consider vegetarianism at that age if they hadn't seen it, although plenty refuse to eat certain foods for whatever reason, (e.g my cousin with Brocolli when he was young as it's mean to eat baby trees!)

I don’t think you should be making her eat meat or fish if she doesn’t want to (especially from a moral point of view) if she will happily eat quorn/tofu/eggs/beans/lentils etc and is getting a balanced diet. I’m probably a bit biased as I’ve not eaten meat or fish for years, but I really don’t believe it’s necessary. I think it’s lovely she’s so compassionate!

I don't think it's too young to make the decision. She can change her mind down the line if she wishes, so I'd go with it. Given you're confident she'll still have a healthy, balanced diet (as you're used to cooking veggie food) I wouldn't see any reason to be concerned.

My DD (also 4) has recently become a vegetarian on finding out that chicken is made from, y'know, chickens and "that doesn't seem very fair for the chicken". Which I can't really argue with! She has also expressed concerns about eating eggs but I've encouraged her to keep having them for now, so she has some extra protein (she already doesn't consume dairy - "not very fair on the cows").

What's your DH's objection? That she shouldn't be allowed to decide at 4, or that her health might suffer in some way?

What does she feed the pets?

I'd let her be mostly veggie and eat with you.

I was like your dd and stopped eating meat at around 7. Basically once I knew what it was I was really upset about the idea. My mum let me but didn't think it would last (still veggie 30 years later). Since it is no trouble to give her a veggie option, why not? She can always change her mind and lots of kids do so.

It isn't a decision anyone will hold her to for life so I don't see a problem in letting her choose vegetarian food if she wants to and isn't fussy as she needs decent nutrition obviously. As you are vegetarian it should be easy to manage. Just let her know that he can change her mind any time she want to. My daughters were brought up vegetarian and one still is and one very much isn't.

Thanks for the responses. I'm encouraged to let her try (and to try to get DH on board).

It's hard to really pinpoint DH's objections. He's quite traditional really, and his family very much so, and even after living with me for 15 years would still opt for a roast dinner or steak over almost anything else. I think he struggles to accept that a child can get all of the nutrients they need from vegetarian food (but really, DD is far happier with veggie protein sources, and if we were careful about iron I think that is manageable too).

If she'll eat a healthy balanced veggie diet then I don't see why not? I wouldn't let me kids go vegetarian just now because they wouldn't eat lentils/chickpeas etc. and don't eat a wide enough range of vegetables. But if she does and you are already cooking it for yourself then it's fine.

I think if she's asking to not eat certain foods, and she can still be healthy, then that's OK. And if the week after she asks for sausages and fish then that's OK. I wouldn't force kids to eat something they dint want to, and I wouldn't trick them

My DS was like this from a very young age. None of the rest of the family are vegetarian, so I don't think it necessarily follows that she is trying to score brownie points with you. I would cook her only vegetarian food, but not make a big issue of it, so that she feels free to change her mind. She probably won't though, she sounds pretty sure of herself from what you say.

It’s not going to make life difficult for you so why not let her?
I decided to be vegetarian at 3, my mum bless her had no clue how to deal with it so just left meat out of meals (think spaghetti bolognaise without the bolognaise!) I’m in my thirties now and still vegetarian

As you can eat healthily and it's not being made into a big deal, then I don't see any reason why she can't avoid meat too. I'd just keep it relaxed and say she can change back whenever she likes but there will be no other special meals. It's the meat or veggie one you eat. Nothing made of it. Yes it's possible she's doing it just because of you, but that's also ok!

For all you know she'll switch as a teenager, as will your meat-eater! I think it's great you're so open and not forcing your views. The best kind of parenting.

Since you're already doing a veggie option for yourself, just doing 2 of those so she can have one seems almost too easy.
She'll either stick with it or she won't, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

My 4 and 6 year old have decided to become vegetarian (me and DH are so it came up naturally in conversation). My 3 year old still eats meat as he hasn’t realised where it comes from.

My children eat excellently. Some people say to me “oh but how do they get enough protein/nutrients” as they offer their kids processed sausages, potatoe waffles and beans

We eat lentil ragu and pasta, or fajitas with guacamole/salsa and a filling of onion/pepper/chickpeas, or potato curry, or chickpea/edamame bean/butter bean curry with spinach, or onion/tomato/spinach omelette or quinoa and roasted veg w/broccoli.

Porridge for breakfast with linseed/walnuts on top (great omega 3). Eggs/milk/cheese as normal.

Snacks are falafels or carrot sticks and hummous. I’d be willing to bet they eat more protein and fresh food than a lot of the children whose parents fein concern at their veggie diet.

Can you tell this is my pet peeve. Sorry but if your 4 year old wants to vegetarian go for it - it’s so healthy for them and unlike mince/sausages etc doesn’t cause cancer

Sorry but that does sound a teensy bit smug! Not all non-veggie kids mainline in McDonalds and Greggs sausage rolls.

I am not veggie
DH is

the meals we eat together (that I cook) are veggie

when I weaned DD I made the decesion (because it was mine to make) to wean her as veggie - I didn't want us to be eating separate measl

She is now 9, has never eaten meat or fish and these days it is her decision, she finds the idea of eating a dead animal pretty repellent. What our cats eat is neither here nor there (stupid 'argument' that's always brought up in these discussions by people who have nothing else to offer) - it's what she is eating that matters.

She also has a multivitamin every day.

I only asked about the pet food because I was wondering about this recently (and with the TB in cat food scare was pondering the content and quality of animal food). And since I’ve been veggie for over 35 years I’m hardly stupid nor argumentative over people’s diets.

Why would you force her to eat something she doesn’t want to?

There’s no reason for her not to be vegetarian
She can always change her mind in the future if she wishes

Support her

I don’t think she should be made to eat meat or fish if she doesn’t want too. She may only be four but that doesn’t mean she’s not old enough to know her own mind. It may be a fad or she may stay veggie her whole life, but I think her wishes should be respected.

As long as she has an interest in trying different foods - I find a veggie diet more varied than a meat eating one.

It’s when people ‘go veggie/vegan’ and rely on ready-made foods, then I think they are possibly not eating ‘well’ and having too much processed / high fat/ high salt food.

@LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD was that aimed at me?

Can you quote where I said that all non veggie kids eat shit? I said in my post that my 3 year old eats meat and he certainly doesn’t eat McDonald’s and sausage rolls all day long.

If it wasn’t aimed at me I apologise it’s just your post came after mine!

It was a general comment but you did talk about cancer and that is a touchy subject for me. Sausages didn’t take my parents or friends.

I would also accept her decision. I don't see the issue when you are also a veggie.
My DS2 decided at a similar age he didn't want to eat meat, so we went with it. He changed his mind a year or two later, and we went with that too.
Its not really an issue. He really isn't a massive fan of any meat, not necessarily the moral issue, just that he doesn't like it. So I sub it with something.