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Original poster

What do i do about this drawing from 7yo son?

175 replies

Kitkatkittykins · 08/02/2019 16:50

NC for this

My son has only just turned 7.
I was tidying up earlier and noticed a picture he'd drawn in his book.

He is at his grandparents at the moment which gives me time to think about what to say or do.

I have no idea where he's got this from. But I'm also worried that he's drawn it infront of his 5yo sister as she's usually with him colouring at the table. Or worse, tried to do it.

What do i say to him? Is this type of behaviour normal at his age?

He isn't a rude child.. never did the show off boy part that i know a lot of boys that age do. He is aware of the PANTs talk, they did it at school last year and I've been over it a few times since.

We're careful with what he watches. He isn't allowed on youtube, but does like to watch Stampy Minecraft videos.
He's never walked in us either so I'm racking my brains trying to figure out where he's got it from.

What do i do about this drawing from 7yo son?
OP posts:
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TheRhythmlessMan · 08/02/2019 22:30

ThanksOP and to your son and whatever this all is. It must be such a worry. My thoughts are with you.

Original poster
Kitkatkittykins · 08/02/2019 22:30

I'm trying so hard to think of any other reason than sexual abuse. I don't even want to think of that being a possibility.

I told him from the start that he's not in trouble and I'm not mad. That i needed to know the truth because it's quite serious.

He didn't look like he was lying. He isn't a very good liar, but i suppose it would depend on the lie.

If he was being abused, i don't know how that would even happen.. I take them to school, i pick them up, I'm with them up until bedtime.. on a weekend, we go to my aunties and they'll be in the lounge with my 9yo sister. If we visit my mum, I'm constantly up and down the stairs because they whinge. Even bath time, he does that himself while I'm pottering upstairs. No bedwetting, no behavioural changes, still focused at school.
So because of that, I'm really hoping it's something else.

OP posts:
TheRhythmlessMan · 08/02/2019 22:34

Fair enough OP. As long as you stay true to the possibilities and although so so difficult to even consider abuse.
Will you call NSPCC?

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Tinyteatime · 08/02/2019 22:35

Do they mix with older children at school who would have accesss to phones? My 1st thought would be that someone had shown him something in the playground, rather than adult abuse necessarily. Obviously this would still be a serious issue that needs dealing with.

Original poster
Kitkatkittykins · 08/02/2019 22:36

But I'm going to be talking with him again tomorrow.
And I'm going to have a word with his teacher on Monday, she's really nice. I may ask to speak to the headteacher as well, he's also really nice.

At the moment, i am hoping it's something he's seen somewhere. Then i can deal with that.
If it's abuse, then that's a whole new issue and i will be out for blood.

OP posts:
TigerQuoll · 08/02/2019 22:37

Could be have drawn the picture and had it be what he said (a boy climbing through a girls legs like a bridge), and he's taken his book to school and an older child has said this phrase and he's written it down, then the older child has told him it's a secret and he can't say where he heard it?

whatsleep · 08/02/2019 22:38

If it were me I would definitely contact NSPCC for help and advice. They will help you get to the bottom and are trained to know exactly how to deal with such a situation. You are him mum so unfortunately he may not open up to you even though you are telling him he is not in trouble, he won’t want to disappoint you. I csnt urge you enough to seek support as soon as you can. If this turns out to be nothing then that’s great but if you don’t follow it up and something unthinkable is happening then whatever or whoever it is has the chance to continue.

Original poster
Kitkatkittykins · 08/02/2019 22:38

I will call them for advice, yes.

He plays football at lunch, i expect he could play with older boys then?

OP posts:
mogonfoxnight · 08/02/2019 22:42

OP I would be catatonic with worry that my 7 year old were being groomed if he had drawn that and reacted like that.

If you google "grooming" you'll see that grooming apparently often starts with showing pictures, drawing pictures, normalising it, making out the child is a big boy for looking/drawing, giving sweets. Then it moves on to making the child feel they are somehow complicit and will get into trouble if anyone knows, giving groomer more power over child. Also threats or incorrect info making sure the child will not betray the groomer.

I would find the fact that your dc had such an emotional reaction really, really worrying, also his subsequent behaviour as you describe it.

It may not yet be physical sexual abuse yet but I would be worried about psychological abuse ie early stages of grooming given his reactions and that he isn't telling you the truth about where he has seen things like this.

It could be someone at school, at clubs, in other families, close family member.

I would try to find out more about grooming, plus talk to nspcc and others to find out more about how grooming works, and to get advice about what to do next, and keep him close.

purpleboy · 08/02/2019 22:47

I hope you Don't bury your head in the sand op. I know how hard this must be for you, but somethings not right. Please contact nspcc and I hope for you all there is a reasonable explanation for this Thanks

whatsleep · 08/02/2019 22:48

Unfortunately not every child who is sexually abused is groomed prior to the act

I’m glad you are going to seek some advice OP really hoping there’s nothing to worry about but you’re doing the right thing.

Cheetahssitonfajitas · 08/02/2019 22:49

Total side note but I notice you, as a family, use words like 'boy parts', 'bits', 'mini' instead of penis and vulva. You might want to look into why it's recommended we give body parts their proper names and use them instead of nicknames. One of the reasons is essentially that if a child ever does need to talk about an abusive situation to an adult they can do so clearly and without the sense of 'unmentionables' and embarrassment that having to use nicknames inevitably brings with them.

Original poster
Kitkatkittykins · 08/02/2019 22:49

The book hasn't left the house. He uses it everu day, so it's usually on the table. It was actually on that page when i picked it up. (The drawing was on the bottom so i didn't see it until i flipped the book).

I hadn't even considered the not wanting to disappoint!!

This is a rather tough situation for me as i went through something online from around 11-13. Back when msn was first out, i fell for someones trick which led to me going on a webcam. It only stopped when i confided in my boyfriend, he was a year older and when they started trying to blackmail me, he appeared. I never heard from them again.
My mum doesn't know that. She asked me recently if anything untoward ever happened back in the day, and i said no. Because even now, i am still ashamed and embarrassed that i fell for it and that i didn't do anything about it.

So i really want him to be able to talk to me. But i also know it could be embarrassing for him.

OP posts:
SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 08/02/2019 22:58

I think a good idea is to not mention it tomorrow to anyone

Not to DS or your auntie or mum or sisters or talking to DH when you think he can't hear you

Just to wait and see what happens over the weekend just act normally

Perhaps give him open access to his drawing book and pens

just play his toys with him or read stories with him as you usually would on a weekend

He might draw some other pictures or write down what is worrying him if he thinks you have all forgotten about it, rather than him thinking you are wanting to talk about it again and again and are watching him iyswim

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 08/02/2019 22:58
Flowers
Confuzzled19 · 08/02/2019 22:59

OP, stop asking for advice on mumsnet and get advice from experts eg NSPCC.

SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 08/02/2019 23:00

I do think you need to talk to nspcc but from the car or when he is out of the house with your DH so he can't hear you

OnTheHop · 08/02/2019 23:12

It isn’t at all far fetched that the 12 year old has heard about oral sex from talk at school, told the 9 year old who has in turn told your Ds. All in an ‘eeeurgh’ sort of way.

When we were kids this sort of talk about the awful ‘rude’ goings on of adults was rife.

But I would call the NSPCC for advice.

Alondonleerie · 08/02/2019 23:18

I wouldn't go jumping to any wild conclusions just yet. My DS came home from school the other day and said a girl in his class had said something about kissing a front bum (the exact same words) and he didn't know what she meant. I don't know where the girl got it from, but unfortunately there's a similar comment from a kid every so often. I'm assuming from older siblings and online games etc, as he's told me about instances of that too.
If there are no worrying indications or ways he could have accessed explicit stuff, I'd try to get to the bottom of where it came from by using the (fictional) example of a friend's child hearing it in the playground and wondering about it, but not being in trouble. If the picture is to be believed, it implies curiously about what the action actually is , which I doubt would be the same in a case of abuse.

Bryjam · 08/02/2019 23:22

I don't know where the girl got it from

Exactly. I hope you passed the information on to school.

Alondonleerie · 08/02/2019 23:26

No, I didn't. It was the equivalent of "kiss my dick" as I have heard boys frequently use it. It wasn't her saying that anyone had done so or asked her to do it to them, and I think that is an important distinction.

Fiddie · 08/02/2019 23:31

I'm a safeguarding leader and I strongly recommend talking to the DSL at his school.

Silkie2 · 09/02/2019 03:13

I would say a classmate or older child has shown him pics or given him, or possibly a group of kids, some details about oral sex and he is possibly wanting reassurance from you or DH about the horrors he was told.
I would think DH should be involved too so it is not seen as being kept from him due to it being bad, embarrassing or shameful.

Original poster
Kitkatkittykins · 09/02/2019 06:38

DH did offer to talk to him. DS knows that he knows about it, and was okay with that.
But DH isn't taking it as seriously as i am and thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks someone has said something at school. And that it's just DS growing up.

What is a DSL?

OP posts:
LaBelleSauvage123 · 09/02/2019 06:48

Designated Safeguarding Lead.

OP, I’m a teacher and I think you’re taking a sensible line on this by taking it seriously but not over-reacting. There could be so many explanations. If this was found in school we would definitely follow it up but in a sensitive way. Schools have excellent procedures for safeguarding nowadays and will be able to help you.