Stopping at one child so they can go to private school? Wwyd?

[fairybeagle]

If you had the choice would you choose to put your child through a private education or give them a sibling.
I wonder which is more beneficial..?

Interested to hear peoples opinions.

The “take home” from all of this is that the children who would most benefit from a private education are the ones who haven’t got a cat in hell’s chance of going to one.

My little girl said that if she had a million pounds she would give it for a sibling. I know loads of people who went to state schools and have done well , and some people who have pulled their children out of private schools. My freind has one son and can afford to send her son to a private school but she says he's more practical than achedemic. She said she would prefur to pay for a deposit for a house.

@fairybeagle for me I just wanted my kids to have time to be kids and to just to be happy and to develop at their own pace. I feel there is so much pressure on kids now anyway and I didn't want to feel the pressure of results and grades for a long as possible.
Re activities you can still give them opportunities to do things.
As I said I have four dc aged almost 14,8,5 and 4.
The fourteen year old went to local RC state primary which is an really good school but big three form intake with 90 in each year group she thrived there she was naturally academic but because she was so happy there I do think that was big part of her doing well.
She left with the highest SATs results in her year. (Not that that necessarily means much)
She also did dance, drama, and jujitsu throughout primary. She continued with her jujitsu and is now a black belt and teaches younger children. Oh and has recently taken up ukulele!
Getting support and guidance from home and learning to compromise and get along with other people at home in my opinion is massively important.

Sorry I really should read through before I post
I didn't want THEM to feel the pressure.

Sibling definitely. I'd also guess that anyone who owns up to choosing private school over another child probably actually had other reasons at play or the decision was somewhat out of their hands and they've convinced themselves otherwise.
And I'm saying that as someone who is lucky enough to have a DC (only child) at private school.

State schools can be great too. There's a bit of luck involved with both options. And most of the unhappy and messed up people I know went to private schools.

@fairybeagle we are likely to have 1 DC but will start her at a private school next year in their nursery. I'm like you, I couldn't care what career path she chooses for me what's important is the classes are small, the school has brilliant reputation, unlike the other schools locally to us. They do offer wrap around care, dance, art, drama and music features heavily in their curriculum, whilst the states school near me cutting back and just focusing on core subjects. It's a diverse school and extremely forward thinking. Anyway not to bore you any further as you know all the reasons why it's great to consider a private school. I personally didn't go to a private school but DH did. We've both done really well in our careers and both able to provide the very best for our DD. Our children are at school for such a long time and I just wanted somewhere that she can thrive and be happy and if we have to pay for that then so be it, but I've learnt not to justify my reasons to others and just do what's best for your DC and family... I do think some state schools can offer all of the above, but the lottery to get into those schools and move into those areas is just not worth it in our opinion.
Jolly good luck with your decision whatever you choose xx

I have an only child who is at a Comprehensive.

How big a failure as a parent is that?

(except he is very happy, stable, great social life, great extra-curricular life, and might even get into Oxford to do Physics. So my poverty stricken, arts grad, sub-fecund parenting hasn't completely ruined his life, yet)

Well, my sister is a doctor and I'm a journalist. One cousin is a hairdresser and the other works at Topshop (shopfloor).
Cousins went to private school, we didn't.

There's nothing wrong with being a hairdresser or working in Topshop... but it's a waste of £40k.

I would send them if I could afford it with my life choices (aka more children) but if not, they'd get by just fine at a comp.

My mother is an only. She was given all possible material advantages including private education. Also told that she had no siblings because they ' could give her more' she still resents this decision that her parents made on behalf of her and would have impacted on them for just over 20 years (till adulthood) yet impacts on her still at 81.

Definitely a sibling.

I have an only because of sub-fertility, but I did once ask DD I'd she'd have liked a sibling and she reckoned not - but she would have hated not having a dog.

This comes in the 'ask a silly question, get a silly answer' category, I think. Private school vs sib is apples and oranges. Some kids hate their sibs, some hate the private schools and vv.

Maybe, fairybeagle. Given neither me nor my own children are of mediocre intellect I wouldn’t know. I’m confident they’re clever enough to do well anywhere.

Oh and my son’s current cohort in school is 19. State school doesn’t always mean large class sizes.

I also don’t see why you’re getting the hump with people who disagree with you. The import of your earlier posts has been very clear, that private schools are better than state (in all respects, not just in nurturing averagely intelligent children) and that state schools are crap. Just because you went to a crap one doesn’t mean they’re all like that.

So much obsession on this website with thinking that the only people who value education are the people who throw money at it. Distasteful.

Are all private schools in the UK good?

Because here in Mexico some are appalling and, if I had the money, I might want to send my child to a particular private school, but not to any old one.

My mother is an only. She was given all possible material advantages including private education. Also told that she had no siblings because they ' could give her more' she still resents this decision that her parents made on behalf of her and would have impacted on them for just over 20 years (till adulthood) yet impacts on her still at 81.

But they didn't really make the decision on her behalf, did they? Her parents decided that they didn't want any more children. And ultimately, that was their decision.

Just as some parents decide on behalf of their older dc that they are going to have siblings. The children don't generally get a vote, and nor should they. They cannot possibly make that judgment.

It has to be the parents decision and only their decision, because they are the ones raising the child. You make it sound like you think your grandparents should have put up with a second child for 20 years so that your mother could have had a lifelong companion, but how would you like to be that unwanted second child?

I do understand that your mother regrets not having a sibling, but ultimately, she doesn't know how things would have panned out if she had had one. Some people feel that their siblings enrich their lives immeasurably, whereas others wish fervently that they had never had any. I imagine that most of us probably lie somewhere in between.

Are all private schools in the UK good?

No, certainly not. Some are excellent but others are mediocre at best. Luckily for them, there seems to be quite a widespread assumption that private is always better than state, and that helps to keep many of the dodgier private schools in business.

There are a couple of independent schools near us which aren't anywhere near as good as the state options. I do understand why some people choose to go private when they can't get their kids into the decent state schools, but it is absolutely unfathomable to me that some parents just unquestioningly assume that the private options must be better purely because they have to pay for them. It's a significant investment of funds, and yet some don't even bother looking at what the alternatives are. Oh well, their money, their choice...

@Shakeit I would!

Sibling for sure. Because you don't know if your child is able to get acceptance to a good private school, and many of the average/mediocre ones are not worth the money.

I only have one child. Definitely sibling!

A sibling. My dbro was much better than my private school.

A sibling. My dbro was much better than my private school.

I don’t think it’s a reason to have an only child (for me, anyway), but I think it’s more of a benefit of having one child (again, only if you see private school as a benefit. Some may not).

I only have one by choice and the benefits of that include the extra money and time we are able to give to her. However, they aren’t the reason we only have one, they’re just a by product of it.

@Schmoobarb that's lovely for you and your children. Not everyone is blessed with your high intellect (and modesty).
I'm not sure what your issue is with private school but it is obviously a sore spot for many.
Also you haven't read my post properly or my subsequent comments. It's a simple question and nothing to 'disagree' with.

I have also clearly stated that I don't believe all state schools are crap. The private schools in my area are immeasurably better than the state ones.

That's obviously not the case in your area. Lucky you.
Hopefully wherever my child/children go they will learn not to judge others.

My DS is studying for his A levels. He does some at his school in a village out of town and does the rest at a private school in town, funded by his village school. He said the standard of teaching at the private school is far better than his usual school, and given the choice he would have gone into the private school from the beginning. He has said that he will limit any future family so that he can afford to send a child to a private school. Do what you feel in your heart is the best for your family.

I had a half sister and a brother. I was very close to my brother. My half sister decided to cut contact with us after my Dad died, then my brother did the same thing after he married. He then died aged 42. You can’t count on siblings. I started off with a family but now don’t have one.