Stopping at one child so they can go to private school? Wwyd?

[fairybeagle]

If you had the choice would you choose to put your child through a private education or give them a sibling.
I wonder which is more beneficial..?

Interested to hear peoples opinions.

If you have 2 kids, but only send them to an independent school for secondary it will work out similar as sending one to an independent school all the way. I have 4 children and we are mixing and matching state and independent depending on the child/exact situation. There are also scholarships with 50 pc off at secondary for bright children - as well as music, sports, arts and drama scholarships. It isn’t always easier having 1 child. As posters have said above, if you are lucky and have 2 children that really get along they can get so much enrichment and beauty out of their relationship. State schooling can be carefully planned- all my friends who can’t afford independent fees have moved to send their children to the right secondary schools and have in some ways made more sacrifices than some friends who just chose the closest independent. There are some amazing state schools in this country if you do your research. The parents commitment to education from an early age, talking/reading etc, music, healthy diet etc etc are just as important and all within your control

“s such an individual choice, none of us can judge another's choices”

Why not?

Sibling, without doubt.

Assinatedbeauty... Sorry I meant opportunities outside of school. Unless you are very well off then you have to think that one child = able to provide opportunities such as music lessons,classes, travel etc.
Four children = not all of the above for every child.
I meant stuff you can do as. Family not the difference between private and state education.

@Bertandrussell.. I can't judge this kind of choice. Maybe the op has a shocking relationship with their siblings and thinks that private education is a better choice.. Maybe you have a wonderful life enriching relationship with your siblings and wouldn't trade it for anything... Its about what individuals see as their priorities for their families.
Forums are great for hearing different opinions and different experiences but I for one am not on mn to judge...

It would be interesting to ask the 21kids and counting siblings what they would choose?

I’m always a bit uncomfortable about having a child to “give” the older child a sibling. I’m the elder of two and my younger sibling was not and still is not any kind of gift to me.

Both are such hugely unquantifiable choices. If you knew the siblings would fight and have nothing in common but the private school was incredible it would be that way round. If you knew the school was average but the siblings became life long friends and supports of each other, then that's the choice.

As an unknowable, I'd go for the sibling. There are lots of ways to be well-educated but there's no experience that quite replicates having a sibling.

I'd have one child. Everything is easier with one.

Not quite the same situation as you OP but I had to go through IVF treatment to conceive my first DC and when I had him I lived in a small 2 bed house. My DH and I were not overly confident that we would be able to have another DC and I often thought he would end up being an only child. We then started to think about selling our house and buying a bigger house with more room but I have to admit I did hesitate and consider not moving or trying for another DC so as to give him ‘the best start’ in life that we could afford. I’m so glad we went ahead with the move and I did end up having another baby and we all love her very much. I wouldn’t have things any other way. I also knew that if DS had gone to private school he probably would have come from a much poorer background than anyone else in the school and I wouldn’t have wanted him to have felt out of place because of that.

What a ridiculous question, obviously a sibling (if you want another child)

Jesus Christ, what on earth do some people think goes on at state schools.

We have two at independent schools, we couldn't afford a third at private school. Well, we could but our lifestyle would change enough that we would rather have the two children and give them what they currently have lifestyle wise. Everyone's circumstances are different, for some people private school fees are part of their affordability factors when having children, like holidays / house size / hobbies / childcare costs etc. Lots of people have one child/less than they may have ideally wanted based on their lifestyle choices. At least op is taking what she can afford into account, many do not. I don't understand why her thinking about financial situation is being flamed.

Are all children at private school bright and able (as suggested by a pp)? Where do the dim and lazy children of wealthy families go?

"... so I just worked jolly hard, and bought another pony!"

Love this.

Have a sibling and then move to the catchment of an excellent state school. I do think some children benefit from private school especially the smaller class sizes though.

Considering that most poor state schools are in very disadvantaged areas, most people even contemplating private school are unlikely be living in the catchment of one-so no need to move.

These threads are toxic.

Good luck to those who have sent their DC to excellent local high schools. Our local schools are shit. Would these same people have sent their DC there?

We don't live in such an area, and can't afford to buy our way into a good catchment. So we are paying for schools instead.

It's difficult to know what else to say, other than Heaven help those who can't afford to pay school fees and can't afford a naice catchment area either. It makes me sick.

You could send them to state school then get them a private tutor to brush up on any subjects they might be struggling on. If they do go to private school, you should note that they won't owe you anything e.g they could still end up in a dead end job or decide to travel the world etc.

A sibling is for life, not just for 11-13 years

@KnightError “heaven help” really? Is it that bad?

No. It’s not that bad.

Sibling all the way for me.

“It's difficult to know what else to say, other than Heaven help those who can't afford to pay school fees and can't afford a naice catchment area either. It makes me sick.”

You do realise that most people do neither?

There's no guarantee your child will have a good relationship with their siblings. Plenty of siblings don't even talk to each other and spend their childhoods bickering. Have the number of children you feel comfortable with though - it's you who will be looking after them for 16 years +!

Yes, ok, I realise most people do neither. But this thread was started by someone who could choose... And no idea whether it's that bad, as I have zero experience of state schools, either as a former pupil or as a parent. I do know, though, that I thought well before having DC, as I knew that I wouldn't want them to have a substandard education. Which, for me, meant either living in a decent catchment area or paying for schools or making sure the DC obtained substantial scholarships/bursaries. The latter two categories apply in our case.

My friend at state primary school went on to a private high school for girls where they had girls smoking weed in the toilets... Never had that at my state secondary! Private doesn't mean good. State doesn't mean bad. You had a bad experience of state. Choose a good state school for your child.

My DC are not friends, though. FWIW. They argue endlessly, and horribly. However, I still think this is preferable to having an only child.