Stopping at one child so they can go to private school? Wwyd?

[fairybeagle]

If you had the choice would you choose to put your child through a private education or give them a sibling.
I wonder which is more beneficial..?

Interested to hear peoples opinions.

Looking at private school/state school intake for oxbridge is pretty telling.

One of the advantages of having one is being able to afford private school but that isn’t the reason we only have one IYSWIM.
If you really want another, have another but be reassured having and being an only is very nice, thanks.

But what will you do if you have another child and they do not live up to your expectations? God forbid they might not be academic or perhaps they will hate their sibling.
I suppose you could just send the second to boarding school if it doesn't work out....

Looking at private school/state school intake for oxbridge is pretty telling

Yes, it has been recognised that Oxbridge is reverting to becoming less diverse and more elitist which is a very sad state of affairs in 2019.

I know a number of folk who achieved their oxbridge dream from a state secondary and let’s face it, even if you stick at one because you feel a private education is a must, their chances of making it to oxbridge are extremely small.

having and being an only is very nice

Great if you are happy with it but I know lonely only children who would love a sibling.

“Looking at private school/state school intake for oxbridge is pretty telling.“
Yes. Looking at the socio economic status of Oxbridge entrants regardless of the school they went to is even more telling.....

My friend and her three sisters went to private school, all of them. None have high paid jobs and all apart from one are quite miserable actually. They do have a great time when they all get together though

Yes. Looking at the socio economic status of Oxbridge entrants regardless of the school they went to is even more telling.....

What's your point?

I think Bertrand is saying that the majority of state school entrants to Oxbridge are from affluent, middle-class families.

My point is that the people who get into Oxbridge belong overwhelmingly to a particular socio economic group-whatever school they go to.

I hate this phrase of "giving the older child a sibling". I have an only and its all I hear "aww but you have to give him a sibling"!! No a sibling is a human being not a play thing or something to keep him company if me and my dp die! I get slated for giving my child experiences because he will be a "spoiled brat" according to some people but they think nothing of us giving him a human that neither me or my dp want to have. Its insane. If you want another child have another child but do not do it as a gift for the child you already have.

I actually think it's totally valid to stop at one to give them more materially. We went for sibling as we happened to want another child for us. We had no expectations of their relationship - as it happens they are very close and watching their love gives me massive joy. But I'm sure watching my eldest have an easier ride due to the privilege of private education would be pretty sweet too (obviously I wouldn't change anything now).

IMO have another child for you, not to be a sibling. It puts too much expectation on the sibling relationship. If you're not bothered by having any more, don't. If that means you can afford private school, brilliant

Wow, a lot of judgemental people and plenty of reverse snobbery here.
Thank you to the people who commented kind things and didn't judge.
I don't understand how I am shallow and all the other unpleasant things that have been mentioned because I am thinking hard about providing what I believe to be the best start in life to my child.
Of course he wouldn't know the reasons behind him being an only if I chose that option. And I don't care what he does after school as long as he's happy. However I want to provide him with every opportunity possible, what he does with them is down to him.

I think that the world would be a better place if people spent a little more time thinking about how many children they can afford, what they can provide for those children and what sacrifices they need to make for them.

Private school has definite advantages over state school. There's is plenty of academic research that supports this. However that's not an attack on state schools or people who send their children their.

I don't understand all the reverse snobbery over 'oh even if I could afford it I wouldn't on principle'. It reminds me of religious parents depriving their children of certain things because it is against their 'principles'.

And for what it's worth I have 4 siblings who I love dearly and have enriched my life beyond compare. My DH however does not get on with either of his siblings and thinks he would have been happy without.

Totally get your point @PrincessDaff and I agree. My phrasing wasn't right re 'giving him a sibling'.

@user1486250399 thank you, it's so helpful to hear others views

I think it's too simplistic to call people who wouldn't use private schools even if they could afford it "reverse snobs". There's much more to that decision than simply disliking richer people.

I'd be interested in the evidence that a local average private school (ie not Erin/Harrow etc) is going to be better that a local outstanding state school, for all students. I think it's a perfectly sensible choice to send children to a good/outstanding state school and use any money that would have been spent on private school fees on extra curricular activities.

“I don't understand all the reverse snobbery over 'oh even if I could afford it I wouldn't on principle'
It’s certainly not reverse snobbery in my case. I could afford it but didn’t. On principle.

“Private school has definite advantages over state school”

Really? As simple as that? Any private school and any state school?

*Eton ffs, not Erin

We had this discussion as dh, an only child, went to private and I and my siblings were at grammar/state.

We’ve all done ok. So, not top end jobs that the likes of those who end up at oxbridge get, but we’re all professionals and earn enough to have comfortable lifestyles.

We decided on having more than one child and state schools. We can pay for Activities and tuition, if they need it and can take them on holidays and breaks.

This was the right choice for us. If we could afford private for dcs and still be able to enjoy a lifestyle we want (ie holidays!), we would’ve done that.
Private schooled kids do have an advantage. It’s really apparent when we meet with dh a friends. Just in the way they speak and conduct themselves.

This is so sad. I can't believe some people think like this.

I've experienced both - super smart education and siblings - and know full well what is way, WAY more important.

Watching your DC interact with each other is, quite literally, one of the best things EVER. Ever Ever Ever. And I'm sure everyone with multiple DC would agree.

"Private schooled kids do have an advantage. It’s really apparent when we meet with dh a friends. Just in the way they speak and conduct themselves."

Can you explain more about this? I cannot believe that there is something exclusive to all private schools that those who don't attend just cannot ever achieve.

AssasinatedBeauty I’m sure others could achieve it.
This is my opinion only so I’m not saying it’s a fact - I think they’re just exposed to a deeper education. They tend to come across as confident, mature and worldly. They make small talk so easily and just seem so interested and interesting.
This was the biggest difference and I actually learnt a lot from that even though I went to grammar and had a fairly decent education.

That's something that is achievable through home life and parenting though. I agree that private schools can provide that as well, but it's not the only way of producing those qualities in your children.

AssassintedBeauty I hope so as I’d like that for my state school kids

Also know a couple who sent only the first male son.to private all the others went to.state school.
Just look at the parents and think how could you..

“They tend to come across as confident, mature and worldly”

That’s privilege talking, not private school.