Stopping at one child so they can go to private school? Wwyd?

[fairybeagle]

If you had the choice would you choose to put your child through a private education or give them a sibling.
I wonder which is more beneficial..?

Interested to hear peoples opinions.

Ok, I know a few people who had private education. End results (after £50,000 spent on private education); Supermarket manager. Health and safety overseerer. Tree surgeon. IT consultant. Barmaid. Translator. Photographer. Financial advisor. Restaurant manager.

I think unless the child is absolutely sure of what career they want in life, a private education isn't always worth the massive investment costs.

I should also say we could've easily afforded a private education with one child. We chose siblings. Any day, siblings.

I've experienced both. I'd choose siblings without question.

I have 1 and because she is an only can afford to send her to a top public school.

We wanted more children but it wasn’t meant to be. It would have been almost impossible to send 2 children to such a prominent independent school on our income.

I love having 1 child and she is afforded opportunities I could never have dreamed of as a child.

But I wouldn’t have stopped at one if I could have given her a sibling. Her cousins are her closest most cherished “friends”.

Speaking as someone with siblings, I'd trade both of them for a doughnut, never mind a private education

I never understand the attitude that looks on a second child solely in terms of how it will benefit - or negatively impact on - the first. I wasn't dutifully conceived as some kind of a gift or developmental aid for my older brother; I was a child who was wanted in exactly the same way he had been.

If you are remotely conflicted over whether to choose private education for your firstborn or having another child, I'd suggest that you simply aren't ready for another child.

Can you absolutely guarantee you won't have another child? Because unless one of you has a snip or sterilisation then you can't guarantee that. Will you then be able to privately school both?

Most people want a second child because of all the love and joy they receive from the first not a cost balance sheet.

(I'm assuming this is a 'thought experiment', by the way; my 'you' is not aimed at the OP particularly!)

We had one out of choice and part of the rationale (but by no means all) was financial. It is easier financially with just one in lots of ways, not just education, tbh

Also depends on the state school choices locally imo

Private school, if the local state schools were poor (they are here).

There are good and bad of both types of school. I'm guessing that if you don't have a child nearing school age you may not have looked into what is available to you locally . In my area there is one of the top performing state schools that outperforms every private school nearby. People move house to get there kids into it.

OP I don't think it's bad to think like this.
Yes having a second or third or more child will affect what you can do for them.
I thought about this when I had dd1.. She'd been hard to get (ivf, only surviving triplet etc) and I knew I wanted her to have every single opportunity I could buy for her.
Skiiing, ponies, travel, private school... Everything I had had.
So I did not intend to have another child deciding that not only could I not face the trauma of ivf but I coukdnt deprive my dd of this wonderfully privileged life.
And dd 2 appeared five yrs later, dd1 had done nursery and reception at her lovely private school, we were all in love with the atmosphere, cthe ethos etc, she'd already been skiing, and had her first pony... Did I stop all that? Of course I didn't, I know she was just five but already I could see her education and childhood mapped out.
So what do you do?
Well dd2 has and had exactly what dd1had.
I have worked extremely hard to provide this.
My girls are wonderful well rounded appreciative young adults...
And by far the best gift is their relationship.. They adore each other beyond anything else.. Even their ski holidays!
OP... think it through though, not all private schools are worth it, having privilege can be a curse as well as a blessing but you can't always guarantee a good sibling relationship either. Neither option guarantees your child's happiness.

I understand why you would want to look at private school, but I think other things would be more beneficial such as buying them a house/ extra hobbies/ a car etc. also I would want my child to go to school with people from different backgrounds and would worry she couldn’t keep up with her wealthier peers.

Although yes I would stick at one child so I could give them more opportunities. I think if you spend time with them, they have good friends, hobbies and cousins around- siblings aren’t everything. My DH is an only child and we have benefitted from it in a lot of ways.

I think that anyone so scared of state schools that they think it’s better for a child not to exist than go to one needs some sort of therapy.

@Bertandrussell.. Its not solely about education for many people.
Its about opportunities, the type of childhood you want for your child, perhaps the type you had.. So many factors.
Many many people have little or no relationship with their siblings and Woukd probably have preferred travel, extra curricular activities etc.
Its such an individual choice, none of us can judge another's choices

My brother did this, one child sent to private school, I had 3 children, him and my sister in law have often said how they wished they’d have done it the other way (though they’re v proud of child)

I would imagine most children if asked would say a sibling.
I have two DDs and I am very lucky that in the holidays they play together all day- Lego, in the garden, reading together. I cant imagine one of them not having that other to play with but maybe you have relatives close by or something? Personally I think a lot private schools turf out self righteous, arrogant twats who think they are better than others but if that is what you want for your child so be it. I'm a socialist what would I know

As someone who attended both a state and private secondary school I can tell you that it is null and void sending them to a private school if they are not willing to learn! So many ppl send their DC’s to a private school and think “ oh great they’ll go far now!!” Eh no not necessarily! So many of my old classmates from the state school did better than my classmates from the private school! 🤷‍♀️So I would go with sibling!!

@theredjellybean by opportunities what do you mean? Can you give some examples of the kind of opportunities that just wouldn't be possible if your child had to go to a state school?

Siblings without a doubt. Anything else would be too much pressure on one child - for me personally. Private education isn't the making of a child necessarily - what about family, travel, a warm and loving home, great friends, etc.

I think the fact that you are considering this means you should go for the private school.

I also think you learn far more from a sibling relationship whether the relationship is ultimately a strong or a weak one than you can ever learn from a school.

I’m an only child who was privately educated from 4 to 18. I’ve chosen to give my kids siblings. Make of that what you will!

Some bits of my school life were pretty mediocre, some exceptional. From my own and my many school friends versus non privately educated uni/ work friends, I think the thing that made me decide not to prioritise private education is that there is equal variation in success, and more importantly equal variation in contentment/happiness amongst the privately and non privately educated I know.

Having said all that, we have chosen to go private at primary level for our 3. And whilst it is in no way perfect, we then benefit from having a good local grammar sour decision to have 3 was based on our location for schools, DH husband’s enjoyment being one of 3 and my dislike (but not hatred) of being an only.

sour = so our