Stopping at one child so they can go to private school? Wwyd?

[fairybeagle]

If you had the choice would you choose to put your child through a private education or give them a sibling.
I wonder which is more beneficial..?

Interested to hear peoples opinions.

The bond with siblings isn’t guaranteed and some of them don’t get on even as adults.

However I would rather take the risk as I think it’s worth it more than private school (though I have not been to state school and I guess I might move area if the state schools around weren’t good).

I think there can be problems with kids being v close in age (eg less than 18months age gap) so I have tried to space my 2 in the hope there may be less problems.

Oh my goodness. If you do make this decision, please don't ever tell the child that in future

Children can be unhappy at private schools as well as state schools you know.

I’m an only child and went to a private school. I don’t think this was why my parents only had one DC though. I hated not having siblings growing up,and still do.
When my dad passed away recently, I was on my own dealing with it all. Selling his house etc. Then, I craved a brother or sister to share the grief with.
I have 3 children. They argue-what siblings don’t-but they’re also best friends. They’re never lonely, rarely bored. I feel content that, when the worst happens, they’ll always have eachother, but they haven’t got any aunties, uncles or cousins...

The best thing my parents ever did for me was my sister. She’s my best friend and we support each other through so much. I now have two dd’s and they’re the same. We all went to state schools and have good fulfilling careers, my dp didn’t do too well at school and now occupies a very senior position at work. Private school doesn’t guarantee success.

I'm 40 and my sisters mean the world to me. I went to a rough, substandard state school and got A*s. I have a lovely career and I'm very happy.

I would choose a sibling in a heartbeat.

Private school and only child 100%.

“And no idea whether it's that bad, as I have zero experience of state schools, either as a former pupil or as a parent.“

But you know your local schools are shit...........

Second child if YOU want a second. Not to give your first a sibling.

Sibling. I have 6 (I am really close and lived with only 2), 3 years and 8 years younger than me and they're the reason I used to get up in the morning. My sister is my best friend and I know personally I'd cherish that much more and love the gift of a sibling more than a private education. Children can do amazing at 'normal' schools! My sister came out with A* everything and a couple As! As did another sibling and myself following closely behind

“Give them a sibling”
The second child isn’t born to be a perk in tne life of the first.

Your values are askew, about education, about human beings,.

I’ve never seen such an obsession with private school as you see on this website. You’d never think that over 90% of people go to state schools and a lot of them do pretty well

Anyway, I’d go for a 2nd child but if you’re as shallow and materialistic as you come across it’s maybe best you don’t.

But Bertrand - are there any state schools you wouldn’t want your kid in? Do you know the state schools in every area?

Is it possible that some people who don’t have the means to move, may be very rational in going private (if it is better and relatively cheap/bursary).

Shaking my head at this one..... Honestly?!
Sadly my older brother died when we were both teenagers & what I wouldn't give for those years back again. Shared memories of a happy family life as kids are priceless.
It's can be a very lonely life as an 'only' child even as an adult with my own family now. I'm so envious of my friends and their siblings.
(Also, it can't be good for any child to be given 'everything' just because their parents can afford it.)

DS1 detests his sibling due to his sn but no private school would have him, due to his own SN.

Definitely siblings. I fought with mine a lot as kids but we had amazing adventures together and we are a support network for each other now as adults. Wouldn't trade them for anything. Would have been incredibly lonely growing up (and now) without them.

Went to private schools up until year 10 and did 11 & 12 at a public school - it was second on results in my state, only beaten by an incredibly exclusive & expensive girls grammar boarding school. Beat all the other private schools by a good margin. I was also a lot happier at the public school, much higher motivation to work hard as education was in our hands rather than being micromanaged and pushed on us, and we were friendly with the teachers (called them by their first names), so we wanted to do our best so we could impress them. Paying for education doesn't mean any better outcomes, just means you have less money for music classes and extracurriculars etc. It's like paying ten times as much for table salt with a brand name - it's the same thing underneath. The results you get is what the kid puts in, no more no less.

This makes for interesting reading: theconversation.com/state-school-kids-do-better-at-uni-29155

This post was edited at OP's request

Do people genuinely think like.this? Who knew?

If you had the choice would you choose to put your child through a private education or give them a sibling.

Neither. The benefits of siblings are overrated in my view, and I think private schools are generally a waste of money.

If you want a second child, have one because you want that child, and not for any other reason.

Only child of two only children here. Sibling. Cannot express how important it was to me for ds not to be an only. At the time I didn't know my dc would go to private schools. Our primary was excellent. We'd have moved for secondary. TBF if I'd had to chose between anither child and living in a caravan it would have been the caravan.

Sibling.

When my dad passed away recently, I was on my own dealing with it all. Selling his house etc. Then, I craved a brother or sister to share the grief with.
I have 3 children. They argue-what siblings don’t-but they’re also best friends. They’re never lonely, rarely bored. I feel content that, when the worst happens, they’ll always have eachother, but they haven’t got any aunties, uncles or cousins...

^This.
Some of the unhappiest people I know were educated privately.

No one can answer this question for you because there are too many unknowns. A sibling who would be your dc's best friend and support each other for life is clearly better, but some siblings don't get on and cause each other nothing but grief. The expensive school may be an utter waste of money as the dc is not academic, not sporty or musical, or the school is simply not as educationally strong as the nearest state primary. You could suffer a financial reversal that makes an independent school out of the question. There is simply no knowing.

All those saying that state schools aren't terrible, well no, lots aren't, but there is no denying that going to private school gives you a HUGE advantage in life. Look at the successful high profile people in this country, a huge percentage of them went to public school.

Neither. The benefits of siblings are overrated in my view, and I think private schools are generally a waste of money.

If you want a second child, have one because you want that child, and not for any other reason.

I agree so strongly with this. I knew I wanted more than one child. Not for practical, logical reasons. Yes, to have to decide if you can afford another, but primarily you have to really want another, for yourself.

Look at the successful high profile people in this country, a huge percentage of them went to public school

I disagree mostly. The average independent school doesn’t give you the sort of social profile and contacts somewhere like Eton might and if your family is used to/has historically moved in those sort of circles then you would be half way there anyway.